A Little Misdirection...

Power isn't magic. But we use a little misdirection to keep people thinking it is.

If we really want to understand the dynamics of power – the way we get others to choose to do, say or think what we want them to do, say or think – we need to shift our attention from the Actor to the Subject.


There is a common myth about power that keeps many of us living as Subjects.

People are powerful.

This isn’t so. It is myth. I call it myth because it is an ancient belief that we use to explain what we do not understand.

The real problem with this myth is that it leads us to misunderstand the whole process of control, influence or seduction. It points us in the wrong direction. It causes us to focus on the Actor thinking that there is something about them that is inherently powerful.

People do not have power. It is not something you can have. It is something that you use.

People use power. Some people are good at using it. Some people understand it and use it on a regular basis. But when they use it, their focus is not on themselves. Their focus is on the Subject. The Actor recognizes something in the Subject.

So…we ask …What do they recognize?

Need.

They recognize that the Subject has a requirement, a desire or an attachment.

It is true that people who use power have something. But it is not power per se. It is an ability to use something to help or hinder that need that they recognize in the Subject.

That ability might be the ability to use money, or authority, or physical strength.

But it does not matter what the Actor has the ability to use, unless the Subject has a need that can be helped or hindered by that ability.

The Actor has no power unless needs are recognized in the Subject and the Actor has an ability to address that need.

The source of power is not money, authority or brute strength. The Source of power is need.

You can’t bribe a rich man.

The power does not reside in the Actor. It resides in the need of the Subject.

We would miss this if we were to always focus on the Actor as a “powerful person.”

Ignore the myth and shift your focus.

Shift your focus and see through the misdirection. You will discover the source of all power: the need in the Subject.

Needs

The source of power is need.

The requirements, desires and attachments we all feel everyday.

The number of needs we have as people livivng in this physical world is enormous.

The limitless ways these needs get expressed and satisfied makes almost anything a potential mechanism of power.

I think belonging and self esteem needs are some of the most confusing and effective needs to create influence and control. The opportunity to fit in can be very seductive.

We defend ourselves to gain approval and acceptance. We fight and resist each other to be allowed to be "ourself" - whatever that means...

But our need to fit in is an easy target for those who would have power.

Can it be overcome?

Check out this article...

Let me know what you think.

I was having breakfast with Al yesterday morning.
As always, we talked about "big things" in our attempt to understand and then fix the world.  :)

We talked about how the internet is a necessary part of any business. How your life is being lived in a very exposed way. How every aspect of your life is available to the public and how that lack of anonymity can be both good and bad.

We discussed the way the frivolous use of social media is making government and conservatives want to limit and regulate the web. How the glib use of insult and spreading of uncorroborrated information can ruin someone in a flash. And...how the quick exposure of talent or ideas can make someone big just as fast.

Government has been wanting to get their hands on the massive data base google has about people behaviours on the web and their search habits - what they are looking for and what kind of human characteristics/demographics allign with certain search interests.

I noticed recently how facebook changed its functionality so that you can no longer communicate with all your friends in one note. Now you can only access 10 friends at a time. With an average of 500 friends, it takes a long time to get to all of them.

What if the message is important?

Why would they do this?

Maybe this is good - because it makes people responsible for their words.

Or maybe it is bad because limiting communication encourages the status quo.

It depends on what you want to accomplish-
It depends on the choices you want people to make.
How can anyone make any choice without information?
Information is the most insidious of the power mechanisms.

I spent my morning today preparing to speak to the Peterborough and Kawartha Lakes Builders Association on Thursday night. My topic - 30 Questions in 30 Minutes about Marketing and Social Media. It should be fun.

I have been consuming as much info as possible about social media and its impact.

When I saw this article I thought it should be shared.

Take a look and let me know what you think.

TFTD

It is way too easy to make a difference.
Even in an election.

You would think that an old cynical guy lke myself would be more "realistic" about the value of a vote.

I know how our multi-party riding system works. I know how thousands of votes get lost in our elections. I know how minority points of view end up holding majority power in our parliament. I know how the ability to spend significant sums in media gives a candiate an advantage. I know where that money comes from. I know how the corporate interests work to lobby and support so the politicians are beholding to the CEOs and shareholders after they get into office.
 
I also know that there are better electoral systems being used around the world.

I know how the "old boys" want you to stay disinterested and out of the way. They want you to think you can't make a difference.


But I also know it is way too easy to make a difference. It may not be the deciding difference but it is a difference. Really, who can make a deciding difference in an election?

Tell me, which person's vote counts more than once?
Which person's vote gets counted if it is not cast?

The truth is, the value of a vote is just ONE. And nobody's vote counts for more than one (not in Canada anyway). And it is only counted when it is cast. The only reason we have the same old shit in government is because the people who want the same old shit vote and the people who do not want the same old shit don't vote.

It is that simple. It is not more complex than that.

And the people who want the same old shit are happy that you don't vote. That was the plan. Get you so disinterested that you won't vote.

Maybe if they dishearten you enough you might be tricked into thinking your vote won't count.

But that's irrational. Illogical. Incorrect.

Every vote counts. It can't not count. Impossible.

You say their vote cancels out yours. I say your vote cancels out theirs. But if you don't vote, they win.

What I know is that life is lived choice by choice. When you don't make a choice, someone else does it for you.

Power is about the control, influence or seduction of a choice.
If you feel angry, afraid or excited, there is power at play.
Do you feel angry about this election? Maybe a little scared?
If you feel like you can't vote because you are angry or afraid, well then someone is using power on you.

And if you don't vote, then their power dynamic succeeded.

True power is being able to make a choice regardless of the power against you.

This Thought For The Day was sent to me at Xmas time by a couple of power students.
It talks about the ability to make a difference.


TFTD


Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "I made a difference to that one!"

Clearing the air...

I haven’t blogged in a few days. Not sure why I haven’t. I guess I am reconsidering why I am doing this. Examining my goal. It’s fun and all that. I like writing. But I want this blog to be my gift to you and I want it to mean something.

My goal, you see, is not to promote power but to expose it. To reveal, to anyone with a desire to know what it really is, how it works. I think the world will change when we all start to see through it.

I know these ideas are not always well received. Some of you are resentful. You don’t like the premise that power is a crappy way of interacting with people. I am painting your dream in grey and black. I am suggesting that to seek power is to seek the ability to use peoples’ needs against them.

It’s like my CSR class on chocolate and how it is picked by little kids in West Africa who have been abandoned by their parents because they cannot afford to raise them. So the plantation owners buy the little kids and use them for labour.

Sure they feed them and at least they have someplace to sleep, but knowing this, your chocolate never tastes sweet again.

Power is the emotional manipulation of people by using their needs against them. Without need, there is no power. It may be successful. But it is a bitter kind of success.

I am not trying to help anyone lose or gain power. If you want it, have it. In the end you only need to experience it once - use it once - to know the truth of it.

It is a rush. A temporary feeling of superiority. If you are lucky it lasts a few days. For most of us however, it lasts about five minutes. Sometimes, after you use it, people start to look at you differently. That’s when the truth sets in.

I am not innocent. I know how to use it. I have used it well. That’s where my knowledge comes from. I still use it sometimes. Sometimes I can’t stop myself.

Because of my experience and my post-dynamic self-examination, I know where it leads and how empty it is in the end. We want it so bad and we hate it when others have it.

When others use it on us – especially those we love – we lose our ability to trust.

But the only reason exposing power is unpleasant, is because you have been convinced that it is the only way for you to have what you want and be happy. You think without power you will never get what you want or be who you want. You will never be happy.

The problem with my exposee is that I kill off your dream and leave you without a sexy alternative.

That’s because the alternative will not leave you feeling like you are better than others. You won’t feel like your life is better. Like you are smarter and more capable. Like you are superior.

The alternative will leave you feeling good - just not better than others.

I want to expose power but I also want to remind you of something you may have forgotten. I want to give you that reminder.

You are a child of the universe. A gifted, talented, capable and resilient being. You are god incarnate.

We are all a little bit lost. A little confused. But you are a creative, infinite well of love.

The beauty of the whole experience is figuring out how to have what we want while we help everyone else get what they want too. Figuring out what you want is not simple. But if we want that great symbiotic experience of compassion, we need to be clearer about what we want and how we should get it.

We have spent thousands of years seeking and using power. And if we look we can see how it works and what it gets us. It’s not pretty. If we don’t recognize that it is not pretty, we will just keep using it. We will continue to delude ourselves into thinking that world is better because the right people have and use power.

But it is not. You don’t have to look long or hard to see it ain’t working.

So I will keep pointing out the obvious and sounding like a broken record - going on about choice, needs, abilities and the experience of control, influence and seduction.

I won’t do it to wreck your dreams. I will do it so that the accomplishment of your dreams can be fulfilling in the truest sense. I will do it because deep in me, I have the hope – the sure belief – that we all want something more than just getting a little power.

We want light. We want joy. We want redemption. We want creation. We want to find our way to the greatest experience this life can offer – happiness.

I hope that, in the end, this blog helps.

Vote Mob

Where did the week go?
Monday I had fifteen ideas for blogs but I only got one in...
Too much marking and too little thinking.

So Lets' Think.

Let's start the week off with a little motivation.

Vote Mobs. Yup, Vote Mobs.

What the hell is that?

Check it out by clicking the title of the blog today. Or click here. I like that one.

Or check out a new website that came up this week.

It's called shitharperdid.ca
Yup, that's what it's called.

Power to the people.

Define the topic and you define the discussion

Did you know that the major cable/telco's want to change your internet billing from flat rate to usage based so the more you use the internet the more you pay?

What will happen to your phone bill / internet bill? Going to College/Uni demands that you have lots o' access and use of the internet - you can't get an education without it now.

But it's not just school - everything is going online.

Will you avoid websites like youtube because it costs too much to use?
What will happen to your facebook time?
What will happen to the design of web pages? Will they become lean and without color and animated content?
How often will you check your email?

Or will it be like gas and you get forced to pay more just because the cronies can get away with charging you on the basis of a lie.

Oil companies buy their oil years in advance.
And the infrastructure that makes internet possible was installed decades ago.

Now I am not saying to vote for anyone in particular. I don't care how you vote. I just want you to understand power and know how it is being used on you.

But I am saying that you can define the issues if you try.

Go to facebook and visit the Harper,  Iggy,  Layton pages and post the questions you have about this. If someone already asked the question then Like the question or add a comment.

Ya know, the majority of voters (over the age of 40) don't care because they don't live on the their phone and laptop. But you do. You should be defining the issues. Let them know you want an answer.

In today's world of internet communications you can define the issues. It is way too easy to make a difference.

BTW I get emails from many political parties - it may be spam, but it keeps me aware.
Here is the email I got from the Green Party today.

The Green Party is the first political party to support a bold new OpenMedia.ca public engagement initiative. OpenMedia is inviting Canadians to bring political attention to the online communications crisis in Canada that has been largely ignored during the election campaign. The organization is asking political candidates to pledge their support for the Internet.

"The Greens are proud to be the first party to announce support for OpenMedia's proposition," said Green Party leader Elizabeth May. "The internet is critical for modern day citizen engagement and an integral part of our economic competitiveness. The Greens pledge to adhere to OpenMedia's Stop the Meter campaign on Internet access. We are committed to enhancing broadband access, competition, transparency and choice."

A decade of neglecting the Internet regulatory issue is stifling Canada's economy, global competitiveness, free expression and Canadians' personal budgets.

"A vote for the Greens is also a vote in support of open and democratic Internet access in Canada" said Emma Jane Hogbin, the Green Party Science and Technology critic. "Vote Green – vote for the internet."

Visit http://openmedia.ca/ to learn more about the initiative.

I don't know if their's is the best idea. I haven't really checked. I will later.

I just know you want to know. You should know. And if you don't, you should ask.

So ask. Knowledge is the most important power mechanism.

Choice Between

Check out Rick's Rant...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=225Mx6ya7SQ

Now this might get a little confusing, but stick with me. I promise you will get it in the end.


Choice Between is not choice. Not really. Not in any meaningful way.

Power is about Choice. Or more precisely, Choice is the target of all power dynamics.

Remember our power fundamentals? Based on how it works, Power should be defined as:

The control, influence or seduction of a Choice by an Actor through the application of an ability to help or hinder a need (requirement, desire or attachment) in the Subject, creating a motivating emotional experience in the mind.

That’s where Choice takes place – in the mind. So that must be where Power takes place. Looking at the external conditions and the objects used for power is a distraction from the real process. If we want to change our response to power we have to stay focused.

Power is about Choice.

To have power is to have the ability to impact the Choices of others. To overcome power is to make that Choice without regard to the power dynamic being experienced.

When power is simple, the Actor stands before the Subject and somehow communicates to the Subject that they must choose X. They cannot choose Y.

The Subject wants to choose Y. The Actor wants the Subject to choose X. So using their ability to impact the Subject’s needs, they create an experience of control, influence or seduction in the Subject and in this way the Subject experiences power.

Choice did not go away. It may appear to have gone away because the Subject’s needs are very compelling. But the Choice is still there.

More importantly - the Subject is very aware that the Actor just used Power. When you know it is happening it seems a little fairer.

Some people call this Power Over. Steven Lukes calls it the first dimension of power. It is the ability to determine the answer to a question: Do you choose X or Y?

But there is more going on here. If we look harder we can see two levels of power are going on. Two levels of Choice.

The Choice between X and Y is not real Choice. It is Choice Between.

A talented Actor will know that there are more choices than X and Y. In fact, Choices range from A to Z. But if we exercise power over the potential options for selection within the question there is another level of power. The difference is that you may not be aware that a second level of power was in play.

No fair.

You didn’t realize that you could have considered A to Z. But the Actor got you to think the only options were X and Y. You know what else you didn't know? That in the end, both options are acceptable to the Actor. They just had a preference.

Hmmmmm…very effective power.

If there is another level of Choice being hidden or assumed, there is another level of Power going on.

Lukes might call it the second dimension of power.

Good power players always make sure that you only have Choice Between - never Real Choice. This is where it gets both insidious as well as ridiculous.

If you don’t realize there is another level of Choice that the Actor has hidden from you, then you certainly won’t recognize the power dynamic when it is before you. You may not understand why you are feeling increasingly angry or afraid. But somewhere in your psyche you know power is at work. When an Actor can limit what you perceive as your list of possible Choices, they are showing a real aptitude for Power.

Power is bad enough when you see it going on. It’s just plain twisted (insidious) when you can’t even spot it.

Of course the levels can go deeper.

If neither the Actor nor the Subject realize that options A to Z are not the only options. In fact, there may be multiple sets of options like 1 to 10, and red to violet, as well as A to Z. Now both the Actor and the Subject are the victims of some deeper level of power put in play by other Actors.

Now we are into the third dimension of power.

But the dimensions can go on and on.

If you can see that unlimited options are being narrowed question by question, layer by layer, level by level, choice by choice, you will see how power in our society works.

Choice Between.

So your parents wanted you to go to business school not art school. So they told you that you were going to choose between Business College X and Business College Y. They preferred Business College X so they told you that they would pay for it if you went to College X but won’t pay for it if you go to College Y.

Simple one dimensional power? Nope - layers and layers.

You see the power but accept it because you think you have Choice - you get to pick the college.

That’s illusion. It’s Choice Between.

Notice how there was never a question about whether or not you would choose between Biz College or Art College. Nor is there a choice between College and University.

That’s the second dimension. Choice between Choice Between.

But wait. There’s more.

You never even realized that all of this assumed that you were going to spend the next few years in post secondary. Ever wonder if you should get more education at all?

Yup – Choice between, choice between, Choice Between.

Geeze, what if you wanted to become a hermit and live in the wilderness of the Yukon?

Not even a question to be discussed.

Every time the question that supports the previous question is hidden behind another question so it can't be perceived, let alone considered, you have another level of power. Every time the list of options is reduced, there is another level of power in play. Everytime Choice is converted to Choice Between.

Good News? With each level of question you perceive, you get closer to Real Choice – not Choice Between. So ask Why? Why this? Why now? Why here? Why?

Confusing? Not really. Well maybe a bit.:)

It's just like when you think you could only choose between the political parties that are attending a debate. Choice Between.

But the truth is, there is more to that Choice. The levels go deeper when you recognize that even if we include the parties that are not in the debate, those are not your only choices. Choice Between Choice Between.

Nobody told you, (and you never considered) you had real Choice. Anything is possible. Hec, if you wanted you could change the election completely. You could change elections forever.

You could form a political party for people under the age of 30.

Call it the Bloc Youth.

You could run candidates in every riding. Cause young people are everywhere ya know.

You could raise millions of dollars by asking for only $5 each from the nearly 5 million Canadian voters under the age of 30. You don’t realize that you know how to reach them quickly and effectively. You could communicate with every one of them because they are on facebook like you. And with 25 million bucks you post a lot of video on youtube and facebook.

And you don’t realize they would listen to you. They are just as disengaged as you because they are frigging sick and tired of the bullshit Choice Between that they get offered every election by people who have been manipulating them with Choice Between for over two decades.

And all those politicians look the same to them anyway.

Layers and layers of Choice Between has effectively tricked you into thinking that a choice between Harper and Iggy is some kind of real Choice.

But you think, Who cares? There are no meaningful choices for me. So why bother?

And so you don’t even make a Choice Between let alone create a Real Choice by asking Why? or even better, Why Not?

They win.

Bastards.




What are you going to do about it?

Roll over and take it again?

Information

As a mechanism of power, information is everything.

How can you ever make any kind of choice whatsoever without having all of the relevant information? We need information like we need air and water.

We are a beast that tries to think. We want to be logical in our decisions. We believe we are smart and rational. But the basis for that rationality comes from information.

We need information to be an active positive participate in the social world.

Some people go out of their way to share information. That is what I try to do with this blog and with my teaching. I want to show you what power really is so you can regain Choice.

Some people, like Bradley Manning. think the world can change when the truth is shared.

Steven Lukes calls it the three dimensions of power. You should check out what he says in his book - Power: A Radical View.

I call the illusion of choice, Choice Between.

It is not Choice in the real sense. It is only Choice Between the options allowed.

More later...

When is love real Love, and when is love all about power?

We had a quite a class tonight. Most of the students think I am nuts. Maybe I am. I just wanted to talk – real talk - about Love. Love as a mechanism of power and Love as Source of Being.


I feel like we didn’t finish the conversation so I am going to rant. Forgive me.

When is love just Love, and when is love all about power?

It is hard to find a time when we do not use love to get something else that we want. And that is using love for power.

Love Because. That’s what I call it. I love you because you are sexy. I love you because you make me laugh. I love you because I can trust you. I love you because you make me feel secure. I love you because you make me happy.

I love you because.

That is Love Because. And although many of us are content with Love Because, you can’t deny that is love being given to control, influence or seduce the choices being made by the other.

That is power. Textbook.

You get my love till you no longer think I’m sexy, make me laugh, are trustworthy, make me feel secure or are fun. When the “because” is no longer present, well then, the love will no longer be present.

That ain’t love. It’s power.

That’s when love is not about an ineffable feeling of complete connection and deep appreciation. That’s when Love is about getting what I want - Gifts. Sex. Security. Praise. – that’s power.

That means – you have to admit it now - Love Because is what we do most of the time.

Now you may want to start calling me all kinds of names like negative minded, cold hearted, pessimistic, cup-half-empty kind of guy. But the truth is, you couldn’t be more wrong.

I cannot claim to be the world’s great love giver. I know I am not the world’s great love receiver. I have spent a great deal of my life – wasted a great deal of my life – on Love Because. I have given Love Because. I have accepted Love Because.

And I apologize to all those to whom I have said “I love you” but really meant – I love you because you give me what I want right now.

I know I have missed out on love because I was fixated on getting some Love Because.

Love Because is good because it satisfies Needs. (Requirements – Desires - and Attachments) Love Because is accepted because we are short sighted, filled with fear and trapped in the illusion part of our lives.

No, please do not call me Negative Nelly. The truth is you will never meet a bigger romantic. I want real love more than anything. Anything. More than money. More than security. More than fame, fortune and baseball.

And I know it is possible.

But first I have to shed my power based view of the world. I have to see through my needs. I have to forgive my self.

I have to…

Stop asking for this in exchange for that.

Stop trying to make someone love me.

Stop thinking that I am only loveable because…

I have to put real love in my life and draw more of it to me.

I have to Love.

Oh yes my friends, love is real. More real than anything else. In fact nothing else would exist but for the truest form of love - the real-thing kind of love.

But I am also a guy who has been cursed with a clear view of power. It’s how we live. Churning power in everything all the time. Constantly trying to get others to fulfill our needs.

To be nice I would say I am a realist. To others I am just a pain in the ass.
I know that I am as much to blame – if we have to talk about blame – as anyone else for my lack of love. I blame no one but myself. That is where the blame belongs - on ourselves. You can’t blame someone else for that one.

Sorry.

I want real deep connected love. Nothing short of that will satisfy me. I have had tastes. Little samples of what is possible. I cannot give up that hope. That kind of love is our birthright.

I see life not for what I want it to be. Nor do I try to see the bright side. Shit is shit. Some people have grown to like shit. In fact some of the great positive minds have convinced themselves that shit is good. So be it. I understand. Love Because is safer. It's easier. It's simpler.

But they can have it.

I, on the other hand, am seeking the deepest of connections. The Oneness that is possible and will be my experience someday.

Care to join me?

Fundamentals

Power is about the control, influence or seduction of a choice.


Thanks for your help. Traffic here at the blog has been growing steadily for a few weeks now.
I hope I am giving you meaningful ideas that are helping your lfe.

Understanding power, when every interaction in our lives is power-based, is a very useful thing.

I have been responding to questions - please send me more!
Either here, or on facebook.
I hope you have found the questions and the answers interesting.
You do me a big favor by indicating what you think of the posts at the bottom.
It is my dream that you come back again and again and each time you come here you find something that helps you live your life.

That would make my life worthwhile:)
Now you know my need, feel free to use it for power.

I want to thank Stu for challenging some of the thoughts. It is in dialogue that we find the truth.

I have been concerned that some people who are not connected to the college or the course are interested in the topic but are unclear about the lexicon we use here. So I have decided to re-run some posts from the early days of the blog. They explain the concepts and insights.

Click the link below or the title of this blog and it will send you back in time to past posts. Please ask the questions that they stimulate - I only want to help:)

Over the next few days I will cover the fundamentals - let me know if you enjoy it.

http://onhavingpower.blogspot.com/2005/09/control-is-illusion.html

After you read that post come back here and let me know if it was worthwhile.
Talk soon...

Unthinkable

Speaking of movies...

I just watched a movie recommended to me by one of the power students - Shaun.

Unthinkable

It is upsetting and disturbing and all too real for comfort...
and exactly like any real power dynamic.

I will leave it for you to watch the movie but I will place a little suggestion in your mind before you watch it. That way you will see the two lessons in the movie.

There are always two sides to every power dynamic - always. It is the bi-polar nature of power. Every actor is a subject and every subject can be an actor if they are willing.

And...

The power dynamic will always go to the one who feels their need the least.

In other words the real determinate of a power dynamic is the perception of how bad you require, desire or are attached to, the need in play.

That's why we see needs as weaknesses and we are unwilling to share our deep desires or fears. That way the other person won't know how much power they really have.

Good movie - thanks Shaun:)

Wag the Dog

We are celebrating Charlie's birthday tonight - he is 13 and that is one incredibly powerful age:).

Although I am compelled to blog about all of the infuriating and humourous dynamics popping up in our election - Green Party status in the debates, Harper's promise to save you tax money only after he gets his majority and four years to reduce the deficit, the eventual ganging up of all the leaders against the others - I have to admit that I am just as compelled to go watch tv with Charlie and tell him how happy it makes me that he was born and that I am proud of the person he is becoming.

So I know you will forgive me if I offer you a great movie all about the way politicians try to control the story the press carries - and how willing the press is to pass on canned information rather than investigate and report.

Instead of reading my blog tonight - though I thank you for your interest and hope you come by tomorrow - why don't you watch Wag the Dog and have a laugh at our crazy society obsessed with the games of power.

While you watch it, sit beside someone you love and scratch their back a little. Do it not for some future reward but just because you love them.

Needs and abilities don't always have to add up to power. When you use your abilities out of love rather than with the intention to satisfy your personal needs you will discover the opposite of power.

Compassion.

Have a good night:)

.

Yee Ha! Let the power dynamics begin…

I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. And every aunt, uncle, grandparent and distant third cousin has brought a gift just for me. Presents are stacked so high I can’t see the Christmas tree!
God Bless us every one!

And just a few days ago I was wondering what to blog about. Ha! Silly me.

Now I don’t know where to start.

The mechanisms of power are everywhere in an election. I thought I might explain the idea of authority and power by consent. But I could also go to town on the idea of information as a mechanism and its insidious nature when it comes to elections. Then I thought I might just tear the issues apart and show where the truth lies.

And of course the subtlety of Harper wearing a tie while Iggy goes with the open collar is begging to be dissected as a power dynamic. After all, there is a lot of money at stake here. Every detail is planned and calculated. I don’t want you to miss a thing.

Then came the epiphany…

I was sprawled on my couch in my post earth hour bliss considering the merits of my pillow when the always trustworthy Sandy Rinaldo popped her face on my TV and told me that she was about to fill me in on the first campaign day’s activities.

Oh Sandy you seductress…I thought I would at least hear her out.

Then she hooked me.

She told me that she was going to tell me all about the first day of the election campaign. But then she told me that I would hear about the Conservative, Liberal and NDP parties’ first day of pounding the pavement.

Whoa.

Last time I checked there are two other parties involved. One may be Quebec focused, but the other is a national party with over 1.5 million supporters.

Hmmm. Steven Lukes might call that the second and third dimensions of power.

The first dimension is simple “power over.” It is the ability to determine the choice being made. In this case – who you vote for. The politicians will do their best to influence your choice on election day.

However there is a second and third dimension that determine who should be considered when you make that choice and what the questions should be that determine how you make your choice. By actively excluding the Green Party and the Bloc Quebecois the CTV is telling you they are not an option. They are also making sure that you do not get to hear what those leaders are saying about issues.

Make no mistake; what we discuss as we try to make our choice will determine what choice we will make.

Mr. Harper has made it clear that he wants to talk about coalitions and politicians ignoring the will of the people. He is suggesting that this is the most important issue to consider and that you may want to cast a ballot to ensure such a coalition does not occur.

Mr. Ignatieff wants to talk about a Prime Minister in contempt of Parliament and how he is not trustworthy. You should cast your ballot to ensure that such a Prime Minister does not get to railroad Parliament.

Mr. Layton suggests that both Harper and Iggy are untrustworthy and that there is an alternative that will ensure that the aging population of Canada can retire in safety and security. He says reject those two and vote for me.

However, if you let Elizabeth May or Gilles Duceppe into the discussion, the discussion will change.

The Bloc and the Green Party are seen as vote splitters. They steal votes from the Conservatives, Liberals and the NDP.

If the Greens get into the discussion then the nearly one million votes they garnered in the last election could grow. And the Liberals and NDP might suffer.

If the Bloc gets a chance to join the discussion, the 1.3 million votes it received last time may grow. Liberals and Conservatives might see a shift. An unpredictable shift at that.

But if the Green are ignored and the Bloc are only discussed in Quebec, it is possible that the Liberals would form their own minority government.

If Harper wins his majority then we can expect his pro-American politic will facilitate a number of new things.

That is not good for CTV.

Make no mistake. Media is a business. That business of media has an agenda.

Recently Mr. Harper lobbied the CRTC to allow a FOX subsidiary news channel to enter the Canadian news market. Further he tried unsucessfully to have the cable companies mandated to carry it on their bands.

FOX is not known for its unbiased reporting. It has a pro right-wing editorial perspective.

Media in the USA have already gone to court to establish that it is not illegal to tell falsehoods on the news. It is why the American news media is seen as less credible around the world. And FOX was the named defendant in the case that established that telling a lie in the news is not illegal.

This is meaningful because news is not about truth. It is about viewers and advertising revenues.

In Canada the leader is CTV. But if FOX news came to town the people might be swayed. That would be good for Harper, but not for CTV.

Now don’t go painting me with the Mr. Conspiracy Theory label. That is just an attempt to malign my ideas without dealing with them – like the CTV is doing to the Green Party.

Why else does the major news media in Canada choose to ignore a party that one million Canadians voted for? (7% of the voters)

Why does an organization that has the potential to define the election issues with its reporting ignore real issues and focuses on entertaining people with name calling and finger pointing?

If it isn’t some exercise of their ability to decide what information gets out there so they can influence the choices people make on election day, then what is it?

Information is power, right? With power comes responsibility, right?

Why wouldn’t CTV want to see Canadians make choices based on the most pressing of practical issues? Why wouldn't they want to play a meaningful role?

Why wouldn’t they want to honour the words of Alexis de Tocqueville when he said that democracy cannot exist without a working free press?

Just asking…maybe you have a better answer...

In the United States, the majority undertakes to supply a multitude of ready made opinions for the use of individuals, who are thus relieved from the necessity of forming opinions of their own.

Alexis de Tocqueville

The Adjustment Bureau

All we have are the choices we make.

Every Monday night the Power Course has bonus movie night. I play a movie after class and everyone who stays to watch it gets a bonus mark. Sometimes we talk about it. Sometimes we just go home.

Once each semester we go out for a movie rather than stay at the college. Last night was Movie Out Night and we chose to see the Adjustment Bureau.

It was good choice because it is a movie that is all about choice.

Free will.
vs.
Destiny.

Fate.
vs.
Choice.

Are these opposites?
Or is Choice how we fulfill our destiny?
Have we chosen our fate using our free will?

We think of Life as being lived in minutes and hours and days and years.
But I think it is helpful to consider that Life is lived in increments of Choice.

It is not as easy to measure as time, but I think it is more meaningful.

Choice by choice. Decision by decision.
Even when we let habit make our choices,
or when we let other people make our choices,
even when we make no choice in a situation,
they are still Choices.

Just because we don't make them does not mean they aren't choices.
They are still the increments of our lives.


Many of our choices are made by others using power.

Others try to create an experience of control, influence or seduction.
They do that to control, influence or seduce a choice we are about to make.

The target of power is always a Choice.
The purpose of power is to impact Choice.
It is what power is for - to control, influence or seduce our choice to say, think or do something.

Power is about choice.

Overcoming power is to make a choice inspite of the experience of power. It is about making a choice that you have decided is best for you regardless of the efforts of others to change that choice.

Making choices deliberately and actively - every day - with passion and conviction - is how life is lived and power is defeated.

Choice is all we have.

All I have are the choices I make.

So today, after you read this, don't let habit or power make your choice.
Make a real choice.
And live.

Overcoming Powerless

When I feel low in positive energy it is usually because of some power dynamic in which I am feeling powerless.

Powerless sucks.

Powerless is like not being fully equipped to live life. It is like feeling not strong enough. It is like feeling not smart enough.

It feels like I am not loved.

I think that’s what we all want. We just want to feel loved.

Everything else adds up to that.
We all have needs. In this physical world we are all just walking pools of need. When the needs aren’t being met and we are not able to have others fill those needs, we get that powerless trip.

At those times I try to remember that it is all an illusion – an experience – an illusory reality manifested by the creative ability of our minds.
There is no such thing as powerless.

In those moments I take a trip.

I put on the head phones. I find some old music. I mean old. I mean from when I was twelve and I used to put vinyl on my dad’s stereo.

And then I go to our old home. Lying on the cool hardwood floor of the living room. It is mid July and the sun has just set. It is the evening. The air is warm but the shift to the cool soothing night breeze has begun. My parents are just outside the front door, sitting in the lawn chairs. I can hear them talking over the music on the stereo. I can’t hear what they are saying but they are happy to be talking. I hear dad laugh. It is always calming to hear dad laugh.

The occasional car hums by.

I can see through the sheer curtains the lights on in the ballpark across the street. If I listen close I can hear the occasional ting of an aluminum bat and roar of the men playing ball.

The humid smell of summer flowers and grass in the air comforts me.

My eyes close. My body rocks with the music.

I am safe and loved and truly content.

Then God gives me the gift of a train whistle off in the distance.

And I dream of what might be.

I dream of far off places where I am a baseball player. Or a rock star.
Or a dad.

I in that moment of rich possibilities I feel powerful.

We all have needs.
But we all have abilities.

Today has been good. And tomorrow will come…soon.

Poor Charlie Sheen

Poor Charlie Sheen.


Playing out a power dynamic without first considering how badly you are needed usually works out badly.

Power is about needs and abilities. Charlie’s abilities are, unfortunately, replaceable.

Chuck Lorre has a list of successes. Each of his shows have been very profitable to the people who make the ultimate decisions and who really only care about profitability.

Moreover Lorre is not publicly attacking the people who write his paychecks.

The question is who needs who? The power dynamic will always go the one who feels his need the least. Chuck Lorre has some pretty solid things to keep him busy - Big Bang Theory and Mike and Molly. His resume is solid. He has proven his worth to those who make the decisions.

Chuck Lorre has a multitude of people who want to work for him.

Charlie Sheen has a fun resume. The last few years on television have been good to him. His popularity, though sometimes dubious, is proven as well. Charlie is important to TV.

He is important to Jimmy, Jay and Dave - but not for the reasons he hopes.

Charlie Sheen seems to have one show about to end and some illusory promises for movies. I hope they come through for him.

He does not seem to be valuable to his children who he has lost.
He is valuable to his ex wives who are using his embarrassing moments to secure their control over the children.

However, he is playing the power game as well as he might in the circumstance. If fact I offer him a certain amount of praise. He is present on news shows everyday. He is playing to those who love his lecherous and besotted characters. He is making his points and fans are listening. Charlie has a connection to the audience. He is personable and lovable. He is recognizable and real to the people. He may even be sympathetic to some of us.

Most of us wouldn’t recognize Chuck Lorre if he bit us on the proverbial.

Unfortunately, I don’t think Charlie is as important to us as he thinks.
I am afraid that fans of Two and a Half Men will simply change channels.
Maybe to Big Bang Theory.

I do not think Chuck Lorre needs him as bad as he needs Chuck Lorre. And so the power game will go to the producer not the star.

In fact we may see the nastiest proof of that power yet.

Next season will begin with Charlie Harper dying in a car crash.
We can fill two shows with characters reminiscing.
Charlie could get some royalty money :)

Hundreds of beautiful women will turn up to for his funeral only to spit on his grave. Cut to all those face slaps, insults and Charlie’s loveable but sinister smile.

Among that crowd of well wishers, idolizers and revenge seekers will emerge a new wholly despicable, yet lovable, womanizer (the as of yet, unknown, bastard son of Evelyn from a crazy night at Woodstock with a rock star) who will break Alan’s heart because Charlie’s house and money was left to the bastard in Charlie’s will. Of course the will stipulates that Alan can live there for the rest of his life and the battle of brothers will continue.

You won’t even need to change the name of the show. We can reuse some of the old jokes. He could try to bed Judith. Maybe another baby from a Harper brother...

Sounds kind of interesting doesn’t it?
Maybe I should call Chuck.
Hey Chuck maybe you need me…
Maybe I have some power after all.

What do you think?

A visit with Jess

I was visiting Jess yesterday and she told me about an experience with someone trying to recruit her into a multi level marketing regime.


Let’s focus on the power…as always that means examining the needs and abilities in play.

The persuasion process started with flattery. We all need to feel good about ourselves. Anyone who can make us feel better about ourselves has power.

She got recruited because she is a dynamic personality who is very persuasive with people when she wants to be. Her high energy and passionate approach to making every day “the best day ever” is engaging and contagious. That kind of positive emotional approach makes people want to be around her and makes people want to be like her. She represents what most people want – an incredibly happy everyday life.

So, when a new friend suggested that because she is such a dynamo that she must meet someone that has an incredible new business idea/opportunity, she was both flattered and enticed. It played into her need to be seen as a wonderfully positive person and her natural desire to turn her energy into success.

As I keep saying, Power is always bi polar - two sided.

Jess was invited because she had what the recruiter wanted - otherwise the recruiter would not be interested in her. A person like Jess who makes people feel that life is beautiful and dreams come true, is the kind of maven that can sell you anything if she believes in it. Everyone who knows Jess knows that she can find ways to make the impossible happen. If she tells you that you have to try a new product, or that you need to get involved in a new business, you are compelled to listen to her.

They wanted her ability to use power. She has the infectious charisma that influences us all – we all want to be as happy as she is.

She would be a multi-layer marketing dream if she believed in the idea.

So seduced by flattery and the possibility of success she attended the first meeting.

The person she met, let’s call him Mr. Business, had his credibility endorsed by a mutual friend who appeared to be facilitating Jess’s happiness. She was open and engaged.

Mr. Business started the conversation with the big hook – How much money would like to have? What would you do with it? What would your life look like if you had all that money?

Because of his credibility Jess played along and gave him what he wanted – an understanding of her needs and desires.

Yes she likes money, but it is not everything to her. Happiness and the ability to help others are just as important to her. So he pressed her until she told him this. He made her say it out loud. She had no reason to think he was going to use power. This person had been introduced by a friend – a friend that was sitting there and encouraging her to follow Mr. Business down his road.

Then what would you do with the money? Help charities? Alleviate poverty? Save the world?

Yes all those things! Jess would love to save the world and make everyone happy. She dreams, deep in her heart, that she will make a significant difference to the world. That is the place all her beauty comes from.

So this is when the power started. Mr. Business understood her needs and desires. As such he tried to show her how his idea would lead to her triumph.

You know, this is why we hate power. Because it is the process of using people to accomplish our desires by exploiting their needs. It’s why we all keep our dreams hidden. It is why we only tell our closest friends about your deepest desires. It is why we don’t even like to think about our wishes.

Our intuitive knowledge of Power makes us think that our dreams are somehow our weaknesses.

We know instinctively that when someone else knows what we want, they will use it to get what they want.

Jess was feeling a little skeptical and off balance at this point. (These are the emotions that tell our intuition that power is at work) She knew she was exposed but she wanted her dream to come true, so she hung in there. And the persuasion began…he used everything he learned about her to get her to choose to get involved.

Power is all about choice.

He showed her how easy it would be for her to sell the product. How easy it would be for her to succeed. How easy it would be for such a vibrant person to sell a product that makes people healthy and happy.

“Can you give someone a CD and ask them to listen to it? Just tell them it will change their life if they just give it a try. Just listen to the CD…here just try it? Try it on me…”

She played along…she asked, “This will change your life. Would you listen to this CD?”

Then he tried to set the hook.

“See, you are a natural. It’s so easy isn’t it?”

But Jess knows power when she sees it. And all the alarm bells started ringing. She realized this was a MLM scheme pitch and that he was using her honest openness against her.

She turned it around. She exposed him. He dodged and avoided but she had him figured. To save what was left of her trusting heart and get out of the rest of the meeting she did the “I’ll think about it.”

He wouldn’t give up. He called her later and tried to hook her on the phone. He used everything he knew about her to try to get her back. And that’s when it happened.

He lost her friendship forever.

And the friend that recommended them to each other? Well his friendship is now in question too.

Power destroys trust.

Every time we use power to try to control, influence or seduce the choice someone is about to make, we wreck the relationship we have with them. If someone is willing to use your needs to get what they want, then they see you not as a person, but as a means to an end.



Thanks Jess. You taught us a little more about power today.

Letter from Wendy - Conclusion

I want to thank you again Wendy for such a cool question...
So where did I leave off? The explanation of the process of power.


People have needs. In our numerous needs lie the potential for power. Power requires need. Where there is no need, there is no power.

Or as I like to say, you can’t bribe a rich man.

Only when the Subject perceives that the Actor has an ability to help or hinder them in the satisfaction of a need will the Subject be willing to make a choice in favor of the Actor.

So… back to semantics… what do we mean by need? And what do we mean by ability?

The concept of needs has been discussed by every psychological school in history. Each has made a contribution. I have found that the most meaningful ideas about needs have come from the Humanists.  I have found that while one pursues an understanding of power there is more to be gained by examining needs than there is by examing the people who seem to have power.

I think there is a more meaningful approach to needs. This is because needs, like power, are experienced.
As such, they are subjective in nature. So we must consider needs from a subjective point of view if we are going to be able to use them for power.

We could say that needs exist on a spectrum of “absolutely-must-have-it” to “it-would-be-nice to have it.”

You might suggest that there is a big difference between need and want. And I agree. But I would like to distinguish this spectrum with two general categories rather than a long list of graduated synonyms. I think we can characterize them well as Requirements and Desires. You can draw the line between them based on your experience.

Requirements are the things we believe we must have. Desires are the things we want but, to some degree, can do without for a while.

But this does not complete the list of power producing needs. For on the list we must include the things we have and do not want to lose. We will call these needs - Attachments. We can be attached to people, things and ideas. Each of these has its own potency.

We experience our wide range of “needs” as Requirements, Desires and Attachments. And every Requirement, Desire or Attachment is a Source of Power for an Actor should they want to control, influence or seduce a choice we will make.

That’s right. I said Source. This is where the power comes from. Power does not come from the ability. I may have the ability to help you or hinder you with any number of power mechanisms. But if you do not have the need that corresponds to my ability, I will be unable to invoke in you an experience of control, influence or seduction.

You can’t bribe a rich man.

I can be big and strong with guns and tanks, and if you are not afraid to die, then I cannot control what you choose to do, say or think.

I can be as rich as Bill Gates, but if you have all the money you want, I cannot buy your choice.

I can be sexy as Megan Fox and Ryan Reynolds put together, but if you do not want sex and romance I have no power to seduce you.

I can control all of the information in the world, but if you don’t need it, or you already have it, I can’t use it to influence your choices.

So Wendy, you did not need your colleague’s approval and she had no ability to affect the way the boss thought of you, so she had no ability to gain your submission to her illusory authority.

The source of the Actor’s power is in the need of the Subject. If the Subject has a requirement, a desire or an attachment that the Actor can positively or negatively affect, then they may be able to create in the Subject a fear, anger or excitement sufficient to control, influence or seduce a choice the Subject is about to make.

But when there is no need, there is no power.

You went to the Professor and asked if your colleague was in charge. He said not. He did not want to even engage in the discussion. Therefore there was no ability to positively or negatively affect your need of approval from the Professor. So you saw through the illusion of her power and it failed. She was unable to control, influence or seduce your choices.

She supposed that her longer term as a TA and her favorable standing provided her with the Professor’s authority. She assumed that every TA desired to be considered highly by the Professor. She thought she had the ability to help or hinder that desire. She anticipated that your future opportunity and success would be contingent on the Professor’s recommendation. She thought she had the ability to influence that recommendation. She thought she could determine your success or failure.

If she had actually possessed that ability, I am sure you would have complied with her demands. You would have had a significant experience of power and would have commenced a long semester of choices dictated by her authority.

From the time she first tried to impose her will, until you had received from the professor a clear message that she had no authority, you experienced power. The anxiety, frustration and anger were the emotional aspects of your experience of power.

She assumed that her past experience with the professor gave her a greater credibility with him. She assumed that her friendship with the professor gave her the greater intimacy to ensure her hierarchical position above you. She assumed you would simply acquiesce to her superior relationship with him knowing that she would have greater influence with him.

However she over estimated her relationship with him. She thought she had an ability that she did not have. For a short while you thought she might have such an ability which is why you temporarily succumbed.

Her presumption came from a past experience with the professor – not from you.

Often we assume things about the people we try to use power on. Typically we see people as being similar to us and wanting many of the same things. We are usually correct in those kinds of assumptions. Her presumption was that you were like her - you wanted career success that would be controlled by the professor. She assumed she had influence with the professor. She wanted to be the first one considered for opportunities. She assumed you wanted to be at the front of that line as well. It was not so much about what you did or said that encouraged her to make the assumption, but how she interpreted the situation and assumed you were like her in your goals. It was how she perceived ( incorrectly) your needs.

It wasn't that you invited the power. The dynamic you were in was filled with needs and ambitions. The dynamic you were in lead her to assume that your ambitions were the same as yours.

So don't see the situation as created by you. Consider and examine anything you may have said or done that could be interpreted by her as showing a desire. That is what she focused on (probably unconsciously) in interpreting your needs and trying to use them for power.

Having broken down the dynamic to discover the process of power, I encourage you to go further. It would be useful in the future to recognize in this scenario a few of the horrible side effects of power dynamics.

First, when power is played successfully against us, our first instinct is to see the other as powerful and see ourselves as flawed. You ask me what you might have done to encourage her bossy-ness. She simply interpreted a situation incorrectly. But I think any of us might have made the same assumptions. You did nothing to encourage this.

Unfortunately in academic circles the competition is fierce and the politics are played hard from the instant you meet. Her experience made her aware of this and she was ready to play the game before you even came on to the scene.

But your resentment is palpable. Even in that short period of time there was enough power to create ill will between you. You discovered what I consider to be one of the most important insights about power.

Power destroys trust.

When people use power they erode the relationship. They reveal their intention – that they are willing to use your needs against you to get what they want. When someone uses our needs against us, for their gain, we never see them the same way again. We resent it. We condemn it. We see it as corruption.

We should have a long chat about corruption.

So many relationships end because of power struggles. The trust is lost. After that, there is not much to the relationship.

And all these relationships end because of the second great insight – power dynamics never end.

Never. Never ever.

Once power enters a relationship, it will come around again. No one ever allows themselves to be a Subject without the intention to be an Actor when the opportunity arises.

Now you took the time to investigate the assertion of her ability to impact your need for success and opportunity. You found out it was unfounded. The other two women did not. They were willing to be powerless. They perceived your colleagues suggestion that she was in change as a valid ability. They complied from the beginning with out resistance and as such were victims of power.

As a college professor who sees young people everyday, I have true concerns about a generation that demonstrates such a willing compliance to even the most subtle forms of power. They see themselves as being powerless in a power-based world. They exist without the ability to change the dynamics. These two other TAs behaved as such. They were defeated characters from the moment power was introduced. It is a shame. Had they operated with you as a unit against the power dynamic of the colleague, you would have seen a very different dynamic. Given their passiveness, you could have recruited them to your side and used them as mechanisms against her.

To your credit, you did not do this.

However is this not what government does? Is this not what terrorist recruiters do? Is this not what happens to our Generation Y all the time? Someone with a goal finds someone who feels that they are powerless to fulfill their own needs without the help of those in authority. Then that authority is exploited for an agenda completely unrelated to the original reason authority was given.

I think there is great value in seeing through power.

When you see that power is an illusory experience in which one's needs are used against them to compel them to make choices that support the Actor's goals - then we act instead of react. We take back choice.

Choice never goes away.
There is no such thing as powerless.
Control is an illusion. The only thing we control is how we respond to the situation before us.



As Edmund Burke said:

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing.

Wendy's Question - Part Two

So we were talking about Wendy’s question…

A moderately recent example of a power play from another person happened about 5 years ago when I first started graduate school and was a TA. I was 35 years old, and a fellow TA who was good friends with the professor was in her early 20s. She seemed overtly overconfident and gave the rest of us on the team orders which the other two TAs accepted meekly. (both were close to her age--one was a friend her age, one was an international student in her mid 20s.) I answered her back and got a dirty look, and ignored her command from then on. I was never told she was in charge, the prof was overtly hands off because he didn't want to be bothered, and I had no support from the other two TAs who were meekly willing to take orders from this girl. So I pretty much acted alone most of that semester, and the professor told us at the end of the semester how disappointed he was with us as a team. (no thanks to him.) I was flatly puzzled by the assumption this young lady made about the power she just assumed she had over her coworkers.
I would like to know any thoughts you have about the power scenario I described above. My question: Where does that kind of presumption come from? Was there anything in my personal demeanor or conduct which might have encouraged someone else to act "bossy" towards me?

In the first post we recognized that most people begin their education in power from a position of powerlessness. We discussed the terminology and tried to create a semantic common ground. Let’s move on from there…

Power is an experience that takes place during a process between people or groups of people. This process has a very specific target - Choice.

We use power to impact what the other person is about to say, think or do. This process is targeted at Choice. We use power to get another to choose to say, think or do something that helps us accomplish our goal.

Life is not lived in increments of time. It is not measured moment by moment. Time is something we experience. Time is an illusion. Real life is measured not minute by minute but choice by choice. We live our lives in increments of choice. Even when we live by habit and ignore the opportunity to make choices, they are (whether we make them or not) choices. Hence, when we are busy making many choices and are engaged in life, time seems to go by quickly. When we are otherwise ignoring our potential choices and living by habit, we are painfully aware of time and it travels slowly.

The purpose of power is to affect the choices that others make. Actors use the experience of power to control, influence or seduce a choice the Subject is about to make.

Power is an experience. Like a dream is an experience. Like a movie is an experience. Like reading this blog is an experience. And it is an experience that is no more real than a dream or a movie or a blog.

But again I am getting ahead of myself.

Now that we are clear about our semantics and we are aware of the purpose of power, we need to examine how power works.

This is where abilities come into the picture. It is why we confuse power with ability.

The experience of control, influence or seduction is created when the Actor applies an ability to help or hinder a need of the Subject to create in them an emotional response of fear, anger or excitement. The emotion stimulates a response. If the power is played well the response serves the purpose of the Actor. The Subject makes the desired choice and the use of power has succeeded. If, however, power is played badly so that the emotional response does not generate the desired choice, then it has failed.

Power is a mechanical process. It is as simple as a “click – whirr” as Robert Cialdini points out in his book Influence. But it is played as a dynamic game between people and often it is played badly and fails. We can see many power “failures” in history – from the fall of the Roman Empire to the seduction of Monica Lewinsky. But even when it fails to inspire the desired choice, it is still power.

Wendy, I think you would agree, that in all aspects of your situation with your colleague, power was played badly and nobody got what they wanted. Though I am of the opinion, as the power dynamic played out, the only thing any of you wanted was to make sure that the other person didn’t get what they wanted.

This is very common. Don’t feel badly. Don’t see yourself as incompetent with power. In fact, your story suggests otherwise. The failure in your power is not simply with the way you played it. Even knowing power, as well as I do, I often fail in my attempt to play it. That is because there is a fundamental flaw in the process itself.

Power is an experience. And like most experiences, it is an illusion.

Choice never goes away. Even when we feel like we are being controlled, in truth, the choice never goes away. We can still choose to ignore the feeling of power. We can choose to go against the direction of the power. It takes strength - sometimes courage - but we often see through the illusion.

Because power is such a common experience in our lives we have become somewhat desensitized to it. We have learned how to unconsciously defuse it - just as you saw through your colleague’s lack of real authority. You knew that in the end she had no more sway with your boss than you did. You knew she was not really in charge. You knew that you could still make a choice. So you simply chose to ignore her. And as such, her power disappeared like an illusion.

When power works it is because we have been overwhelmed by an emotion of fear, anger or excitement. We have been lead to a particular choice because we feel our need so intensely that we cannot overcome the experience of power. That is when the choice being pursued is achieved.

But your colleague did not have the ability to get the boss to support her. In fact he made it clear that he would not support her authority. She did not have the ability she needed to influence your choices. Power failed.

So where am I leading you? - to an understanding of the process of power.

Final explanations tomorrow…