Calvin asked me why/how does power destroy trust?
First I would suggest that you need to look at all the relationships you have had that have used power. Parents, friends, girlfriends are all likely examples.
Look back to a moment or interaction when the other person knew what you wanted or needed and used that to influence some aspect of your behaviour.
Maybe mom made you clean your room before you could use the car.
Maybe a teacher made you rewrite an essay before they would give you a passing grade.
Maybe a girfriend refused to kiss you on the first date.
These are all simple common examples of power.
But what happened to the relationship afterward...?
Did you now see it as a game? Did you come to a new perspective on how that relationship would work? Did you later question everything they asked of you? Did every interaction dissolve into a series of negotiations? Did you start to use the same techniques of demanding what you wanted before they could have what they wanted? Did you start to ask yourself what they might want in exchange before you asked them for what you wanted?
Soon you learned that Mom wants certain things and you would volunteer to clean the garage before you would even discuss going away camping with the buddies and using the car to do it.
Soon you learned what teachers want for good grades and school is no longer about learning but about how you get that teacher to give you the grade.
Soon you learned that a romantic dinner followed by a special movie and a patient gentle approach was more likely going to get you second base than simply asking.
So if that is the way it is with your close, emotional-based relationships with people you trust and entrust yourself to, imagine where relationships at work go. Imagine how business relationships evolve. Imagine how international political dynamics are manipulative and cold.
If the boss says the bathroom at the store needs to be cleaned, you begin by saying that it is not in your job description. Then next week you have your hours cut in half and you are scheduled to work the crappy shifts. So you come in late and let the boss know that if he is going to do that then you don't have to be so helpful. That night you don't clean your workstation well or you don't do the little things that he might notice but are not enough to get you in trouble. All this continues until one of you finally really needs the other's help... then real negotiation happens. Or worse, one of you finally decides that they don't need the other. You find a new job or he hires someone new and slowly phases you out.
The thing is that as soon as someone uses power on us - we notice. That usually changes the intentions regarding the way that relationship will operate. When power is used again in that relationship we start to see its nature as a power based association. Though we may not be able to articulate that or consciously see it in that way...the truth is we begin to approach it that way.
So when your Mom does something really out of the ordinary nice for you - you say "What's up Mom?"
When the girlfriend wants to be alone with you, you wonder - what's happening here?
When the boss says, "Here Cal, take Saturday off." You wonder what he is going to ask you to do.
The simple fact is that when power starts to work its way into a relationship we see everything as a negotiation and we do not see events for what they are. We start to examine them to see what they mean. This is not what you call trust...
This is what you can observe and deduce from a simple examination of your personal relationships that operate everyday in a loving caring way.
The second way is to simply use the analysis.
If people are going to use your needs to get what they want from you, then you will eventually not want to be with them. This is because the connection is constantly costing you something. If you are not getting as much or more than what you are giving you will eventuallty want out of the relationship.
Things are not what they appear to be on the surface. You know that they are looking to see what you need so they can use it for their purpose. Now you cannot trust people with your desires and attachments. You are forced to shelter your intentions. You are compelled to keep desires and needs to yourself. You become cautious in friendships. You be come quiet and withdrawn.
When you interact with others, they are emotion-less cryptic conversations. You are reticent to expose yourself. Without any deliberate effort on your part you wait to see what they want before you consider sharing what you want.
All because power uses need. And when someone uses your needs against you, you stop trusting that what they say is what they mean.
You come to learn that even those we love have needs. And they will do what they have to, to get what they want. Including using you and your needs.
Cal you do it instinctively so it doesn't appear to be a grandiose statement of mistrust. You simply begin to watch out for yourself because those around you see you as a capable guy.
The truth is that people generally act in the their own best interests in the immediate.
It is a rare person that thinks of others first and thinks long-term.
You and your friends have learned this from growing up with Baby Boomers and Gen Xer's and the world they have created. And you do it capably and without effort.
You are a quiet generation of people who do not interact with those outside their demographic. You show no emotion. You are direct in your demands. You do not trust those in authority. You feel insecure and afraid for your future but do not share that with anyone.
No, the use of power doesn't always result in hatred. But often there are people we love who we don't trust. We don't trust them because we know they use power.
When someone uses your need to get something from you, things are never the same again.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
It's ready...
It may still have a few flaws. Some copy does not read as well as it might - as well as it will. There are a couple of spelling mistakes and misalignments. But overall it is doing the job and so we are going forward. It is time for this material to take flight. It is time that it was shared with a larger audience. It is time to send it out to the world.
And I have important partners to thank for this fruitful collaboration.
Collaboration....
Most of us have a distaste for power because inherent in its use is a subtle deception. Power is usually used in the form of trickery.
Using power to achieve one's ends feels like manipulation. And most people who use it, do so thinking they are being covert. They influence and seduce us by dangling rewards or disguising threats. They conceal their purpose behind a clandestine plot to get what they want by convincing us that therein lies our opportunity.
Power feels sneaky.
So we hate it. And we dislike those who use it.
That's why the great alternative to power is collaboration.
Collaboration is the process in which we honesty disclose to others what we are seeking and how we believe they can assist us. We offer to exchange our assistance for their assistance. Something is in this for both of us. No secrets. No manipulation. No attempt to exploit the needs of others so you might have your way.
Within collaboration is the chance for greatness. When we are free to focus on the work, our best comes out.
When power is operating between us, we are forced to spend energy protecting ourselves. We are constantly attending to our arrangement with others - ever concerned that we may be short-changed. Afraid that we are being had. Afraid that we are not getting our worth in exchange for our efforts.
Where there is no power, there is honesty. And that honesty leads to trust.
Power on the other hand destroys trust. Future exchanges are rife with doubt and fear. The fear that results from the use of power never really goes away. We cannot permit ourselves to ever allow another person to know that they have what we need, for we know that they will take advantage of our weakness.
Power begets power. Collaboration begets results that are mutually beneficial. Collaboration begets partnership and compassion.
Now why am I going on and on about collaboration?
Because it is the perfect segue to the great collaboration that has become the onhavingpower.com website.
First I must thank someone that has taught me a lot about the value of collaboration.
Frank Maidens is an exciting young artist that has created numerous innovative and dynamic designs. Focused on the effect of good communication, Frank combines fundamental elements like color and proximity with wit and humor. His designs speak to me in a way I have not experienced before. This partnership in bringing the visual representation of the work to life has been a joy. He has taken my basic concept and turned it into a dynamic conversation. His interpretation of the diagrams and layout of the copy brings the Dynamic of Power to life before one's eyes.
Not only is he a thoughtful intelligent person, he is a demanding colleague who seeks perfection and accepts nothing less from me. His passion for the message in this book and his commitment to its completion has been inspirational.
I believe he would say he has gained from working on the project. I can say that I have been lucky to have him.
To know more about Frank and his extraordinary design abilities take a look at his website.
www.frankmaidens.com
After Frank recreated the visual imagery, he took the concepts and adapted them for a website design. A wave of positive response came from the test of that design. So it was time to make it real.
The next critical collaboration over the past five months was with a former Marketing student of mine, Greg Miller.
Draft after draft of the website - keeping an eye to the details - has made its way to the web. His patient explanations of how and why things do what they do have brought me calmness. His ultimate commitment to complete this project as it was designed has overcome the countless operational issues he has incurred. The sheer amount of work involved went well beyond his original estimates and yet he hung in knowing how important the work was to all of us.
I have had the pleasure of watching Greg mature into a business man who believes in service and loyalty. I have always said you can't buy loyalty. If people give it, they give it for free. Greg has been loyal to this project. Now that we are live I can't thank him enough.
Greg has his own website solutions business that is growing everyday. You can check out his portfolio at
www.webdesigns.com
The most recent collaboration with Nick Firan has been short but fruitful. I need to thank Nick for his fast and brilliant work on the animation that opens the site.
I have believed from the beginning that visual representation of these ideas is not only important for the readers' ability to interpret and utilize the ideas in On Having Power, but it is also essential in the creation of a branding concept that will grow with each book. The brand imagery was wonderfully incorporated in Frank's design work. And now the animation demonstrates and connects the diagrams with that brand.
I am confident that this wonderful piece of animation will make that nexus in the mind of the reader and build a brand that will carry us through the next nine volumes of On Having Power.
Nick has a portfolio of wonderful work available for your consideration.
www.eightyfivedesigns.com
If the words of On Having Power speak to you at all, then I am sure the work of Frank, Greg and Nick will bring it more depth and meaning.
This is true collaboration. Their commitment to helping me communicate these ideas has made them better.
And I have important partners to thank for this fruitful collaboration.
Collaboration....
Most of us have a distaste for power because inherent in its use is a subtle deception. Power is usually used in the form of trickery.
Using power to achieve one's ends feels like manipulation. And most people who use it, do so thinking they are being covert. They influence and seduce us by dangling rewards or disguising threats. They conceal their purpose behind a clandestine plot to get what they want by convincing us that therein lies our opportunity.
Power feels sneaky.
So we hate it. And we dislike those who use it.
That's why the great alternative to power is collaboration.
Collaboration is the process in which we honesty disclose to others what we are seeking and how we believe they can assist us. We offer to exchange our assistance for their assistance. Something is in this for both of us. No secrets. No manipulation. No attempt to exploit the needs of others so you might have your way.
Within collaboration is the chance for greatness. When we are free to focus on the work, our best comes out.
When power is operating between us, we are forced to spend energy protecting ourselves. We are constantly attending to our arrangement with others - ever concerned that we may be short-changed. Afraid that we are being had. Afraid that we are not getting our worth in exchange for our efforts.
Where there is no power, there is honesty. And that honesty leads to trust.
Power on the other hand destroys trust. Future exchanges are rife with doubt and fear. The fear that results from the use of power never really goes away. We cannot permit ourselves to ever allow another person to know that they have what we need, for we know that they will take advantage of our weakness.
Power begets power. Collaboration begets results that are mutually beneficial. Collaboration begets partnership and compassion.
Now why am I going on and on about collaboration?
Because it is the perfect segue to the great collaboration that has become the onhavingpower.com website.
First I must thank someone that has taught me a lot about the value of collaboration.
Frank Maidens is an exciting young artist that has created numerous innovative and dynamic designs. Focused on the effect of good communication, Frank combines fundamental elements like color and proximity with wit and humor. His designs speak to me in a way I have not experienced before. This partnership in bringing the visual representation of the work to life has been a joy. He has taken my basic concept and turned it into a dynamic conversation. His interpretation of the diagrams and layout of the copy brings the Dynamic of Power to life before one's eyes.
Not only is he a thoughtful intelligent person, he is a demanding colleague who seeks perfection and accepts nothing less from me. His passion for the message in this book and his commitment to its completion has been inspirational.
I believe he would say he has gained from working on the project. I can say that I have been lucky to have him.
To know more about Frank and his extraordinary design abilities take a look at his website.
www.frankmaidens.com
After Frank recreated the visual imagery, he took the concepts and adapted them for a website design. A wave of positive response came from the test of that design. So it was time to make it real.
The next critical collaboration over the past five months was with a former Marketing student of mine, Greg Miller.
Draft after draft of the website - keeping an eye to the details - has made its way to the web. His patient explanations of how and why things do what they do have brought me calmness. His ultimate commitment to complete this project as it was designed has overcome the countless operational issues he has incurred. The sheer amount of work involved went well beyond his original estimates and yet he hung in knowing how important the work was to all of us.
I have had the pleasure of watching Greg mature into a business man who believes in service and loyalty. I have always said you can't buy loyalty. If people give it, they give it for free. Greg has been loyal to this project. Now that we are live I can't thank him enough.
Greg has his own website solutions business that is growing everyday. You can check out his portfolio at
www.webdesigns.com
The most recent collaboration with Nick Firan has been short but fruitful. I need to thank Nick for his fast and brilliant work on the animation that opens the site.
I have believed from the beginning that visual representation of these ideas is not only important for the readers' ability to interpret and utilize the ideas in On Having Power, but it is also essential in the creation of a branding concept that will grow with each book. The brand imagery was wonderfully incorporated in Frank's design work. And now the animation demonstrates and connects the diagrams with that brand.
I am confident that this wonderful piece of animation will make that nexus in the mind of the reader and build a brand that will carry us through the next nine volumes of On Having Power.
Nick has a portfolio of wonderful work available for your consideration.
www.eightyfivedesigns.com
If the words of On Having Power speak to you at all, then I am sure the work of Frank, Greg and Nick will bring it more depth and meaning.
This is true collaboration. Their commitment to helping me communicate these ideas has made them better.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
To Vote or not to Vote
Click the title of this blog to get information...please
Well, you have already heard me speak of the Y Bother Generation.
You know my concerns.
Yesterday I had the most exciting experience. About 20 students from Fleming and Trent sat together in a meeting discussing why youth do not vote. Afterward they began strategizing about how they might address those forces of apathy. Each left with specific duties and goals. Each, I think, was elated and energized by the support of the others.
This is why I do what I do.
I am a lucky man. I love my job. When I can spend my days surrounded by the power young hopeful minds, I am grateful.
When I can share these simple lessons about power with them and then witness the change in their attitudes and lives, I am a privileged man.
Remember the analysis behind our discussion.
The source of power is need. The politicians need votes. To get those votes, they commit themselves to acting in the interests of those who have supported them.
That's why the banking laws favor the banks not the depositors. That is why there are no regulations restricting banking fees.
That's why car insurance costs so much. Because the insurance lobby is the strongest lobby in Canada.
That's why so many of our laws support the view of the baby boomers. They are the ones who vote.
That's why the Kyoto protocol is not implemented. That's why there is a war in Iraq. The people with the money are the ones who cast votes and make donations. Those donations are spent on the advertising that controls what issues we talk about. The ads decide what happens in the election.
And it is no coincidence that of the $25 million to be spent on advertising in this unnecessary Federal election, very little of it will be spent on Much Music, youth radio stations and youth magazines.
You don't vote.
The politicians are counting on it. They are betting $25 Million on it.
Now you might say what is the point? Who cares what I think? What power do I have?
You have what they need.
You have a voice to use to ask the hard questions. They need you to be silent. That way they can control the issues and topics of discussion. Their need gives you power.
You have an opinion that can be shared and discussed and proliferated. They need things to be simple. You can make them complex.
They need money for advertising. You have more disposable money than any other age segment. If everyone under the age of 25 gave $1 to their favorite politician that would mean more than $12 Million dollars spent on media you consume. They need that money and that is your power. It is your power to get them to talk to you and consider you and your ideas. They will be forced to listen and respond. That means you get to understand and effect what is going on around you.
They would no longer ignore you.
They need your vote. They are expecting that you will not use it. Therefore they don't need to represent you. They don't need to listen to you.
They don't need to consider what kind of world they are leaving behind for you to clean up and try to make right.
They can focus on what they want.
And if you vote, well that scares them. Because they don't understand you. They don't know how to take care of you and the others too. But since you don't demand to be listened to - because you don't vote - you don't use the power you have.
Your power is their need. They need your vote. They all need it. They don't want to let the other guy get it. So they will start to compete with each other to get it. Watch how when they know you are going to vote how they start to make the kinds of promises that matter to you.
So scare them. Log onto the link above and make sure you are registered to vote.
Use your power and watch this election change over the six weeks. Watch them respond. Watch them change the issues.
In the last election I was worried about how I might vote.
I have voted for every party at some time in my life. I am that swing vote that they talk about all the time.
In the last election we had a Green Party candidate for the first time. I knew that there was no chance that that sorry fellow was getting elected. And if I voted for him I might lose the chance to make a difference in how the battle between the liberals and the conservatives turned out. I knew that I wanted a particular government.
But I voted Green anyway because I know in my heart that nothing is more pressing right now than addressing the climate change that has begun. There will be no Canada in 100 years if we do not start to act.
Did I waste my vote?
No. The popular vote garnered by the Green Party in that election has resulted in more than $1 Million coming to them as an official party. They are now able to promise to have a candidate in every riding. They can now spend $1 Million on advertising and have an impact on what are deemed to be the relevant issues of this election.
Will they form a governement? Heck no. Not a chance. But their presence forces the other guys to consider the issues. It reminds them that millions of Canadians care about these issues. And it lets them know that if they want to beat the other guy and get my vote, they better start talking about fixing things.
They want my vote. That is my power. They know I cast my vote everytime.
Every vote counts. It really does.
Authority is power by consent. You don't get a chance to give consent often. So when the chance comes, take it. It will count.
It will count because they need it. That is your power.
Well, you have already heard me speak of the Y Bother Generation.
You know my concerns.
Yesterday I had the most exciting experience. About 20 students from Fleming and Trent sat together in a meeting discussing why youth do not vote. Afterward they began strategizing about how they might address those forces of apathy. Each left with specific duties and goals. Each, I think, was elated and energized by the support of the others.
This is why I do what I do.
I am a lucky man. I love my job. When I can spend my days surrounded by the power young hopeful minds, I am grateful.
When I can share these simple lessons about power with them and then witness the change in their attitudes and lives, I am a privileged man.
Remember the analysis behind our discussion.
The source of power is need. The politicians need votes. To get those votes, they commit themselves to acting in the interests of those who have supported them.
That's why the banking laws favor the banks not the depositors. That is why there are no regulations restricting banking fees.
That's why car insurance costs so much. Because the insurance lobby is the strongest lobby in Canada.
That's why so many of our laws support the view of the baby boomers. They are the ones who vote.
That's why the Kyoto protocol is not implemented. That's why there is a war in Iraq. The people with the money are the ones who cast votes and make donations. Those donations are spent on the advertising that controls what issues we talk about. The ads decide what happens in the election.
And it is no coincidence that of the $25 million to be spent on advertising in this unnecessary Federal election, very little of it will be spent on Much Music, youth radio stations and youth magazines.
You don't vote.
The politicians are counting on it. They are betting $25 Million on it.
Now you might say what is the point? Who cares what I think? What power do I have?
You have what they need.
You have a voice to use to ask the hard questions. They need you to be silent. That way they can control the issues and topics of discussion. Their need gives you power.
You have an opinion that can be shared and discussed and proliferated. They need things to be simple. You can make them complex.
They need money for advertising. You have more disposable money than any other age segment. If everyone under the age of 25 gave $1 to their favorite politician that would mean more than $12 Million dollars spent on media you consume. They need that money and that is your power. It is your power to get them to talk to you and consider you and your ideas. They will be forced to listen and respond. That means you get to understand and effect what is going on around you.
They would no longer ignore you.
They need your vote. They are expecting that you will not use it. Therefore they don't need to represent you. They don't need to listen to you.
They don't need to consider what kind of world they are leaving behind for you to clean up and try to make right.
They can focus on what they want.
And if you vote, well that scares them. Because they don't understand you. They don't know how to take care of you and the others too. But since you don't demand to be listened to - because you don't vote - you don't use the power you have.
Your power is their need. They need your vote. They all need it. They don't want to let the other guy get it. So they will start to compete with each other to get it. Watch how when they know you are going to vote how they start to make the kinds of promises that matter to you.
So scare them. Log onto the link above and make sure you are registered to vote.
Use your power and watch this election change over the six weeks. Watch them respond. Watch them change the issues.
In the last election I was worried about how I might vote.
I have voted for every party at some time in my life. I am that swing vote that they talk about all the time.
In the last election we had a Green Party candidate for the first time. I knew that there was no chance that that sorry fellow was getting elected. And if I voted for him I might lose the chance to make a difference in how the battle between the liberals and the conservatives turned out. I knew that I wanted a particular government.
But I voted Green anyway because I know in my heart that nothing is more pressing right now than addressing the climate change that has begun. There will be no Canada in 100 years if we do not start to act.
Did I waste my vote?
No. The popular vote garnered by the Green Party in that election has resulted in more than $1 Million coming to them as an official party. They are now able to promise to have a candidate in every riding. They can now spend $1 Million on advertising and have an impact on what are deemed to be the relevant issues of this election.
Will they form a governement? Heck no. Not a chance. But their presence forces the other guys to consider the issues. It reminds them that millions of Canadians care about these issues. And it lets them know that if they want to beat the other guy and get my vote, they better start talking about fixing things.
They want my vote. That is my power. They know I cast my vote everytime.
Every vote counts. It really does.
Authority is power by consent. You don't get a chance to give consent often. So when the chance comes, take it. It will count.
It will count because they need it. That is your power.
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