Calvin asked me why/how does power destroy trust?
First I would suggest that you need to look at all the relationships you have had that have used power. Parents, friends, girlfriends are all likely examples.
Look back to a moment or interaction when the other person knew what you wanted or needed and used that to influence some aspect of your behaviour.
Maybe mom made you clean your room before you could use the car.
Maybe a teacher made you rewrite an essay before they would give you a passing grade.
Maybe a girfriend refused to kiss you on the first date.
These are all simple common examples of power.
But what happened to the relationship afterward...?
Did you now see it as a game? Did you come to a new perspective on how that relationship would work? Did you later question everything they asked of you? Did every interaction dissolve into a series of negotiations? Did you start to use the same techniques of demanding what you wanted before they could have what they wanted? Did you start to ask yourself what they might want in exchange before you asked them for what you wanted?
Soon you learned that Mom wants certain things and you would volunteer to clean the garage before you would even discuss going away camping with the buddies and using the car to do it.
Soon you learned what teachers want for good grades and school is no longer about learning but about how you get that teacher to give you the grade.
Soon you learned that a romantic dinner followed by a special movie and a patient gentle approach was more likely going to get you second base than simply asking.
So if that is the way it is with your close, emotional-based relationships with people you trust and entrust yourself to, imagine where relationships at work go. Imagine how business relationships evolve. Imagine how international political dynamics are manipulative and cold.
If the boss says the bathroom at the store needs to be cleaned, you begin by saying that it is not in your job description. Then next week you have your hours cut in half and you are scheduled to work the crappy shifts. So you come in late and let the boss know that if he is going to do that then you don't have to be so helpful. That night you don't clean your workstation well or you don't do the little things that he might notice but are not enough to get you in trouble. All this continues until one of you finally really needs the other's help... then real negotiation happens. Or worse, one of you finally decides that they don't need the other. You find a new job or he hires someone new and slowly phases you out.
The thing is that as soon as someone uses power on us - we notice. That usually changes the intentions regarding the way that relationship will operate. When power is used again in that relationship we start to see its nature as a power based association. Though we may not be able to articulate that or consciously see it in that way...the truth is we begin to approach it that way.
So when your Mom does something really out of the ordinary nice for you - you say "What's up Mom?"
When the girlfriend wants to be alone with you, you wonder - what's happening here?
When the boss says, "Here Cal, take Saturday off." You wonder what he is going to ask you to do.
The simple fact is that when power starts to work its way into a relationship we see everything as a negotiation and we do not see events for what they are. We start to examine them to see what they mean. This is not what you call trust...
This is what you can observe and deduce from a simple examination of your personal relationships that operate everyday in a loving caring way.
The second way is to simply use the analysis.
If people are going to use your needs to get what they want from you, then you will eventually not want to be with them. This is because the connection is constantly costing you something. If you are not getting as much or more than what you are giving you will eventuallty want out of the relationship.
Things are not what they appear to be on the surface. You know that they are looking to see what you need so they can use it for their purpose. Now you cannot trust people with your desires and attachments. You are forced to shelter your intentions. You are compelled to keep desires and needs to yourself. You become cautious in friendships. You be come quiet and withdrawn.
When you interact with others, they are emotion-less cryptic conversations. You are reticent to expose yourself. Without any deliberate effort on your part you wait to see what they want before you consider sharing what you want.
All because power uses need. And when someone uses your needs against you, you stop trusting that what they say is what they mean.
You come to learn that even those we love have needs. And they will do what they have to, to get what they want. Including using you and your needs.
Cal you do it instinctively so it doesn't appear to be a grandiose statement of mistrust. You simply begin to watch out for yourself because those around you see you as a capable guy.
The truth is that people generally act in the their own best interests in the immediate.
It is a rare person that thinks of others first and thinks long-term.
You and your friends have learned this from growing up with Baby Boomers and Gen Xer's and the world they have created. And you do it capably and without effort.
You are a quiet generation of people who do not interact with those outside their demographic. You show no emotion. You are direct in your demands. You do not trust those in authority. You feel insecure and afraid for your future but do not share that with anyone.
No, the use of power doesn't always result in hatred. But often there are people we love who we don't trust. We don't trust them because we know they use power.
When someone uses your need to get something from you, things are never the same again.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
It's ready...
It may still have a few flaws. Some copy does not read as well as it might - as well as it will. There are a couple of spelling mistakes and misalignments. But overall it is doing the job and so we are going forward. It is time for this material to take flight. It is time that it was shared with a larger audience. It is time to send it out to the world.
And I have important partners to thank for this fruitful collaboration.
Collaboration....
Most of us have a distaste for power because inherent in its use is a subtle deception. Power is usually used in the form of trickery.
Using power to achieve one's ends feels like manipulation. And most people who use it, do so thinking they are being covert. They influence and seduce us by dangling rewards or disguising threats. They conceal their purpose behind a clandestine plot to get what they want by convincing us that therein lies our opportunity.
Power feels sneaky.
So we hate it. And we dislike those who use it.
That's why the great alternative to power is collaboration.
Collaboration is the process in which we honesty disclose to others what we are seeking and how we believe they can assist us. We offer to exchange our assistance for their assistance. Something is in this for both of us. No secrets. No manipulation. No attempt to exploit the needs of others so you might have your way.
Within collaboration is the chance for greatness. When we are free to focus on the work, our best comes out.
When power is operating between us, we are forced to spend energy protecting ourselves. We are constantly attending to our arrangement with others - ever concerned that we may be short-changed. Afraid that we are being had. Afraid that we are not getting our worth in exchange for our efforts.
Where there is no power, there is honesty. And that honesty leads to trust.
Power on the other hand destroys trust. Future exchanges are rife with doubt and fear. The fear that results from the use of power never really goes away. We cannot permit ourselves to ever allow another person to know that they have what we need, for we know that they will take advantage of our weakness.
Power begets power. Collaboration begets results that are mutually beneficial. Collaboration begets partnership and compassion.
Now why am I going on and on about collaboration?
Because it is the perfect segue to the great collaboration that has become the onhavingpower.com website.
First I must thank someone that has taught me a lot about the value of collaboration.
Frank Maidens is an exciting young artist that has created numerous innovative and dynamic designs. Focused on the effect of good communication, Frank combines fundamental elements like color and proximity with wit and humor. His designs speak to me in a way I have not experienced before. This partnership in bringing the visual representation of the work to life has been a joy. He has taken my basic concept and turned it into a dynamic conversation. His interpretation of the diagrams and layout of the copy brings the Dynamic of Power to life before one's eyes.
Not only is he a thoughtful intelligent person, he is a demanding colleague who seeks perfection and accepts nothing less from me. His passion for the message in this book and his commitment to its completion has been inspirational.
I believe he would say he has gained from working on the project. I can say that I have been lucky to have him.
To know more about Frank and his extraordinary design abilities take a look at his website.
www.frankmaidens.com
After Frank recreated the visual imagery, he took the concepts and adapted them for a website design. A wave of positive response came from the test of that design. So it was time to make it real.
The next critical collaboration over the past five months was with a former Marketing student of mine, Greg Miller.
Draft after draft of the website - keeping an eye to the details - has made its way to the web. His patient explanations of how and why things do what they do have brought me calmness. His ultimate commitment to complete this project as it was designed has overcome the countless operational issues he has incurred. The sheer amount of work involved went well beyond his original estimates and yet he hung in knowing how important the work was to all of us.
I have had the pleasure of watching Greg mature into a business man who believes in service and loyalty. I have always said you can't buy loyalty. If people give it, they give it for free. Greg has been loyal to this project. Now that we are live I can't thank him enough.
Greg has his own website solutions business that is growing everyday. You can check out his portfolio at
www.webdesigns.com
The most recent collaboration with Nick Firan has been short but fruitful. I need to thank Nick for his fast and brilliant work on the animation that opens the site.
I have believed from the beginning that visual representation of these ideas is not only important for the readers' ability to interpret and utilize the ideas in On Having Power, but it is also essential in the creation of a branding concept that will grow with each book. The brand imagery was wonderfully incorporated in Frank's design work. And now the animation demonstrates and connects the diagrams with that brand.
I am confident that this wonderful piece of animation will make that nexus in the mind of the reader and build a brand that will carry us through the next nine volumes of On Having Power.
Nick has a portfolio of wonderful work available for your consideration.
www.eightyfivedesigns.com
If the words of On Having Power speak to you at all, then I am sure the work of Frank, Greg and Nick will bring it more depth and meaning.
This is true collaboration. Their commitment to helping me communicate these ideas has made them better.
And I have important partners to thank for this fruitful collaboration.
Collaboration....
Most of us have a distaste for power because inherent in its use is a subtle deception. Power is usually used in the form of trickery.
Using power to achieve one's ends feels like manipulation. And most people who use it, do so thinking they are being covert. They influence and seduce us by dangling rewards or disguising threats. They conceal their purpose behind a clandestine plot to get what they want by convincing us that therein lies our opportunity.
Power feels sneaky.
So we hate it. And we dislike those who use it.
That's why the great alternative to power is collaboration.
Collaboration is the process in which we honesty disclose to others what we are seeking and how we believe they can assist us. We offer to exchange our assistance for their assistance. Something is in this for both of us. No secrets. No manipulation. No attempt to exploit the needs of others so you might have your way.
Within collaboration is the chance for greatness. When we are free to focus on the work, our best comes out.
When power is operating between us, we are forced to spend energy protecting ourselves. We are constantly attending to our arrangement with others - ever concerned that we may be short-changed. Afraid that we are being had. Afraid that we are not getting our worth in exchange for our efforts.
Where there is no power, there is honesty. And that honesty leads to trust.
Power on the other hand destroys trust. Future exchanges are rife with doubt and fear. The fear that results from the use of power never really goes away. We cannot permit ourselves to ever allow another person to know that they have what we need, for we know that they will take advantage of our weakness.
Power begets power. Collaboration begets results that are mutually beneficial. Collaboration begets partnership and compassion.
Now why am I going on and on about collaboration?
Because it is the perfect segue to the great collaboration that has become the onhavingpower.com website.
First I must thank someone that has taught me a lot about the value of collaboration.
Frank Maidens is an exciting young artist that has created numerous innovative and dynamic designs. Focused on the effect of good communication, Frank combines fundamental elements like color and proximity with wit and humor. His designs speak to me in a way I have not experienced before. This partnership in bringing the visual representation of the work to life has been a joy. He has taken my basic concept and turned it into a dynamic conversation. His interpretation of the diagrams and layout of the copy brings the Dynamic of Power to life before one's eyes.
Not only is he a thoughtful intelligent person, he is a demanding colleague who seeks perfection and accepts nothing less from me. His passion for the message in this book and his commitment to its completion has been inspirational.
I believe he would say he has gained from working on the project. I can say that I have been lucky to have him.
To know more about Frank and his extraordinary design abilities take a look at his website.
www.frankmaidens.com
After Frank recreated the visual imagery, he took the concepts and adapted them for a website design. A wave of positive response came from the test of that design. So it was time to make it real.
The next critical collaboration over the past five months was with a former Marketing student of mine, Greg Miller.
Draft after draft of the website - keeping an eye to the details - has made its way to the web. His patient explanations of how and why things do what they do have brought me calmness. His ultimate commitment to complete this project as it was designed has overcome the countless operational issues he has incurred. The sheer amount of work involved went well beyond his original estimates and yet he hung in knowing how important the work was to all of us.
I have had the pleasure of watching Greg mature into a business man who believes in service and loyalty. I have always said you can't buy loyalty. If people give it, they give it for free. Greg has been loyal to this project. Now that we are live I can't thank him enough.
Greg has his own website solutions business that is growing everyday. You can check out his portfolio at
www.webdesigns.com
The most recent collaboration with Nick Firan has been short but fruitful. I need to thank Nick for his fast and brilliant work on the animation that opens the site.
I have believed from the beginning that visual representation of these ideas is not only important for the readers' ability to interpret and utilize the ideas in On Having Power, but it is also essential in the creation of a branding concept that will grow with each book. The brand imagery was wonderfully incorporated in Frank's design work. And now the animation demonstrates and connects the diagrams with that brand.
I am confident that this wonderful piece of animation will make that nexus in the mind of the reader and build a brand that will carry us through the next nine volumes of On Having Power.
Nick has a portfolio of wonderful work available for your consideration.
www.eightyfivedesigns.com
If the words of On Having Power speak to you at all, then I am sure the work of Frank, Greg and Nick will bring it more depth and meaning.
This is true collaboration. Their commitment to helping me communicate these ideas has made them better.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
To Vote or not to Vote
Click the title of this blog to get information...please
Well, you have already heard me speak of the Y Bother Generation.
You know my concerns.
Yesterday I had the most exciting experience. About 20 students from Fleming and Trent sat together in a meeting discussing why youth do not vote. Afterward they began strategizing about how they might address those forces of apathy. Each left with specific duties and goals. Each, I think, was elated and energized by the support of the others.
This is why I do what I do.
I am a lucky man. I love my job. When I can spend my days surrounded by the power young hopeful minds, I am grateful.
When I can share these simple lessons about power with them and then witness the change in their attitudes and lives, I am a privileged man.
Remember the analysis behind our discussion.
The source of power is need. The politicians need votes. To get those votes, they commit themselves to acting in the interests of those who have supported them.
That's why the banking laws favor the banks not the depositors. That is why there are no regulations restricting banking fees.
That's why car insurance costs so much. Because the insurance lobby is the strongest lobby in Canada.
That's why so many of our laws support the view of the baby boomers. They are the ones who vote.
That's why the Kyoto protocol is not implemented. That's why there is a war in Iraq. The people with the money are the ones who cast votes and make donations. Those donations are spent on the advertising that controls what issues we talk about. The ads decide what happens in the election.
And it is no coincidence that of the $25 million to be spent on advertising in this unnecessary Federal election, very little of it will be spent on Much Music, youth radio stations and youth magazines.
You don't vote.
The politicians are counting on it. They are betting $25 Million on it.
Now you might say what is the point? Who cares what I think? What power do I have?
You have what they need.
You have a voice to use to ask the hard questions. They need you to be silent. That way they can control the issues and topics of discussion. Their need gives you power.
You have an opinion that can be shared and discussed and proliferated. They need things to be simple. You can make them complex.
They need money for advertising. You have more disposable money than any other age segment. If everyone under the age of 25 gave $1 to their favorite politician that would mean more than $12 Million dollars spent on media you consume. They need that money and that is your power. It is your power to get them to talk to you and consider you and your ideas. They will be forced to listen and respond. That means you get to understand and effect what is going on around you.
They would no longer ignore you.
They need your vote. They are expecting that you will not use it. Therefore they don't need to represent you. They don't need to listen to you.
They don't need to consider what kind of world they are leaving behind for you to clean up and try to make right.
They can focus on what they want.
And if you vote, well that scares them. Because they don't understand you. They don't know how to take care of you and the others too. But since you don't demand to be listened to - because you don't vote - you don't use the power you have.
Your power is their need. They need your vote. They all need it. They don't want to let the other guy get it. So they will start to compete with each other to get it. Watch how when they know you are going to vote how they start to make the kinds of promises that matter to you.
So scare them. Log onto the link above and make sure you are registered to vote.
Use your power and watch this election change over the six weeks. Watch them respond. Watch them change the issues.
In the last election I was worried about how I might vote.
I have voted for every party at some time in my life. I am that swing vote that they talk about all the time.
In the last election we had a Green Party candidate for the first time. I knew that there was no chance that that sorry fellow was getting elected. And if I voted for him I might lose the chance to make a difference in how the battle between the liberals and the conservatives turned out. I knew that I wanted a particular government.
But I voted Green anyway because I know in my heart that nothing is more pressing right now than addressing the climate change that has begun. There will be no Canada in 100 years if we do not start to act.
Did I waste my vote?
No. The popular vote garnered by the Green Party in that election has resulted in more than $1 Million coming to them as an official party. They are now able to promise to have a candidate in every riding. They can now spend $1 Million on advertising and have an impact on what are deemed to be the relevant issues of this election.
Will they form a governement? Heck no. Not a chance. But their presence forces the other guys to consider the issues. It reminds them that millions of Canadians care about these issues. And it lets them know that if they want to beat the other guy and get my vote, they better start talking about fixing things.
They want my vote. That is my power. They know I cast my vote everytime.
Every vote counts. It really does.
Authority is power by consent. You don't get a chance to give consent often. So when the chance comes, take it. It will count.
It will count because they need it. That is your power.
Well, you have already heard me speak of the Y Bother Generation.
You know my concerns.
Yesterday I had the most exciting experience. About 20 students from Fleming and Trent sat together in a meeting discussing why youth do not vote. Afterward they began strategizing about how they might address those forces of apathy. Each left with specific duties and goals. Each, I think, was elated and energized by the support of the others.
This is why I do what I do.
I am a lucky man. I love my job. When I can spend my days surrounded by the power young hopeful minds, I am grateful.
When I can share these simple lessons about power with them and then witness the change in their attitudes and lives, I am a privileged man.
Remember the analysis behind our discussion.
The source of power is need. The politicians need votes. To get those votes, they commit themselves to acting in the interests of those who have supported them.
That's why the banking laws favor the banks not the depositors. That is why there are no regulations restricting banking fees.
That's why car insurance costs so much. Because the insurance lobby is the strongest lobby in Canada.
That's why so many of our laws support the view of the baby boomers. They are the ones who vote.
That's why the Kyoto protocol is not implemented. That's why there is a war in Iraq. The people with the money are the ones who cast votes and make donations. Those donations are spent on the advertising that controls what issues we talk about. The ads decide what happens in the election.
And it is no coincidence that of the $25 million to be spent on advertising in this unnecessary Federal election, very little of it will be spent on Much Music, youth radio stations and youth magazines.
You don't vote.
The politicians are counting on it. They are betting $25 Million on it.
Now you might say what is the point? Who cares what I think? What power do I have?
You have what they need.
You have a voice to use to ask the hard questions. They need you to be silent. That way they can control the issues and topics of discussion. Their need gives you power.
You have an opinion that can be shared and discussed and proliferated. They need things to be simple. You can make them complex.
They need money for advertising. You have more disposable money than any other age segment. If everyone under the age of 25 gave $1 to their favorite politician that would mean more than $12 Million dollars spent on media you consume. They need that money and that is your power. It is your power to get them to talk to you and consider you and your ideas. They will be forced to listen and respond. That means you get to understand and effect what is going on around you.
They would no longer ignore you.
They need your vote. They are expecting that you will not use it. Therefore they don't need to represent you. They don't need to listen to you.
They don't need to consider what kind of world they are leaving behind for you to clean up and try to make right.
They can focus on what they want.
And if you vote, well that scares them. Because they don't understand you. They don't know how to take care of you and the others too. But since you don't demand to be listened to - because you don't vote - you don't use the power you have.
Your power is their need. They need your vote. They all need it. They don't want to let the other guy get it. So they will start to compete with each other to get it. Watch how when they know you are going to vote how they start to make the kinds of promises that matter to you.
So scare them. Log onto the link above and make sure you are registered to vote.
Use your power and watch this election change over the six weeks. Watch them respond. Watch them change the issues.
In the last election I was worried about how I might vote.
I have voted for every party at some time in my life. I am that swing vote that they talk about all the time.
In the last election we had a Green Party candidate for the first time. I knew that there was no chance that that sorry fellow was getting elected. And if I voted for him I might lose the chance to make a difference in how the battle between the liberals and the conservatives turned out. I knew that I wanted a particular government.
But I voted Green anyway because I know in my heart that nothing is more pressing right now than addressing the climate change that has begun. There will be no Canada in 100 years if we do not start to act.
Did I waste my vote?
No. The popular vote garnered by the Green Party in that election has resulted in more than $1 Million coming to them as an official party. They are now able to promise to have a candidate in every riding. They can now spend $1 Million on advertising and have an impact on what are deemed to be the relevant issues of this election.
Will they form a governement? Heck no. Not a chance. But their presence forces the other guys to consider the issues. It reminds them that millions of Canadians care about these issues. And it lets them know that if they want to beat the other guy and get my vote, they better start talking about fixing things.
They want my vote. That is my power. They know I cast my vote everytime.
Every vote counts. It really does.
Authority is power by consent. You don't get a chance to give consent often. So when the chance comes, take it. It will count.
It will count because they need it. That is your power.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Does knowing about power make you sad?
A student of mine asked me – actually a number of them have – does it make you happy or sad to know so much about power?
It seems that as my students begin to recognize the various power dynamics in their lives and take notice of who those power actors are, they become sad and upset. It seems that they weren’t aware of the amount of power that is involved in raising them, schooling them, protecting them and generally socializing them. They never thought that their own parents would use power over them.
More shocking however is when they recognize how much they use power over their friends and loved ones. It causes them to question themselves and ask themselves if they are bad. There is an instinctive reaction to power that most people have. Most of us are predisposed to see power as a bad thing. Not really clear why we see it that way, we are intuitively judgmental of it.
So when we discover we are an active frequent user of power we are taken back. We are even more surprised when we realize that in the past we have taken pride in our ability to stand up to others and manipulate the circumstance so that we are the victors in various battles of will.
And that is what it is really. It is a battle of will. The ability to overcome our own needs long enough to triumph over others.
Can we, within a BiPolar power dynamic, control our submission to our own needs enough to force the other to submit?
And this makes us wonder if we are bad people.
Not all power needs to be seen as bad.
My favorite harmless example was a drinking game my friends and I used to play.
We would choose our table at the pub close to the washrooms. Then we would all put $2 in the middle. On big nights it was $5. We ordered the first round of beers. We would only order the next round when everyone was finished the last. The last one to go to the washroom to pee won the money.
Usually Al would cave in first. He talked big at the beginning but he always said, once the tap is turned on there is no going back.
Although Frank would hang in there, he had more fun watching us suffer than winning the money so he would go after the third beer.
At this point we would start the posturing and positioning. We would smile and lie and poke at each other. We would tell really funny jokes to make the others wet their pants.
Paul wanted to win. But the strength of will aspects of this were the important thing to him. He was usually satisfied breaking his own personal record and off he went to the loo.
Steve and I would be left to go head to head. He was motivated not by any personal goal but by the desire to beat me. Anything to beat me. He’d try eating peanuts. He would try sitting in different positions. He would try standing up.
As soon as he started moving around I knew I had him.
All I had to do was convince him that I didn’t have to go yet. I would tell him that I hadn’t even begun to feel it yet. I would tell him not to hurt himself because I was probably good for another 45 minutes after I started feeling it and I wasn’t even there yet. So he should expect to have to hold it for another hour.
At this point Frank and Al and Paul would have gone three or four times and they would do their best to mock and play it up. Making fun and talking about ice cold swimming pools and warm baths, and how comfortable they were. They would want to order more beer and tell Steve and I to hurry up and drink up. Steve would have slowed down to a crawl by now.
Then I would do the nasty.
I told Steve it was time for a little chug a lug because I knew it wasn’t fair that I was not feeling it yet. – Bottoms Up!
Then Steve would start the name calling.
Finally he would utter some profanity and stand up to go to the washroom. The boys would cheer. Steve would shake my hand and head off to do his business.
I would let him go in the door and then count to twenty – they were the longest twenty seconds of my life. Just long enough to know he was already in progress.
And then I would run as fast as I could to the bathroom ready to explode.
Steve and I would stand side by side with him calling me names and angry that he fell for it again.
We would come out laughing. At this point the other tables around us knew what we were doing and we would get a cheer when we reemerged.
And no matter who won, the winner would use the money to buy another round.
Power can be fun.
I know it is hard to see how people manipulate and control each other. I know it is hard to see ourselves as people who would use someone’s needs as means to control them. I know that it is hard to see people in a positive light knowing that many have spent their lives pursuing power and wanting to have power over others.
I know that once you understand the process of power, it is hard to see past it.
But people just don’t know better. It is something we have done for so long.
And that is why it is time for a change. Time for an evolution. Time to become more. It is time to bring the age of power to an end and begin the age of compassion. So I offer you the understanding so that you might see through your reality to the truth and begin to do something about it. If once everyday you can choose to use compassion over power…
Well I think you have done a pretty good thing. I don’t expect much more of myself.
Am I sad?
No.
I am determined.
It seems that as my students begin to recognize the various power dynamics in their lives and take notice of who those power actors are, they become sad and upset. It seems that they weren’t aware of the amount of power that is involved in raising them, schooling them, protecting them and generally socializing them. They never thought that their own parents would use power over them.
More shocking however is when they recognize how much they use power over their friends and loved ones. It causes them to question themselves and ask themselves if they are bad. There is an instinctive reaction to power that most people have. Most of us are predisposed to see power as a bad thing. Not really clear why we see it that way, we are intuitively judgmental of it.
So when we discover we are an active frequent user of power we are taken back. We are even more surprised when we realize that in the past we have taken pride in our ability to stand up to others and manipulate the circumstance so that we are the victors in various battles of will.
And that is what it is really. It is a battle of will. The ability to overcome our own needs long enough to triumph over others.
Can we, within a BiPolar power dynamic, control our submission to our own needs enough to force the other to submit?
And this makes us wonder if we are bad people.
Not all power needs to be seen as bad.
My favorite harmless example was a drinking game my friends and I used to play.
We would choose our table at the pub close to the washrooms. Then we would all put $2 in the middle. On big nights it was $5. We ordered the first round of beers. We would only order the next round when everyone was finished the last. The last one to go to the washroom to pee won the money.
Usually Al would cave in first. He talked big at the beginning but he always said, once the tap is turned on there is no going back.
Although Frank would hang in there, he had more fun watching us suffer than winning the money so he would go after the third beer.
At this point we would start the posturing and positioning. We would smile and lie and poke at each other. We would tell really funny jokes to make the others wet their pants.
Paul wanted to win. But the strength of will aspects of this were the important thing to him. He was usually satisfied breaking his own personal record and off he went to the loo.
Steve and I would be left to go head to head. He was motivated not by any personal goal but by the desire to beat me. Anything to beat me. He’d try eating peanuts. He would try sitting in different positions. He would try standing up.
As soon as he started moving around I knew I had him.
All I had to do was convince him that I didn’t have to go yet. I would tell him that I hadn’t even begun to feel it yet. I would tell him not to hurt himself because I was probably good for another 45 minutes after I started feeling it and I wasn’t even there yet. So he should expect to have to hold it for another hour.
At this point Frank and Al and Paul would have gone three or four times and they would do their best to mock and play it up. Making fun and talking about ice cold swimming pools and warm baths, and how comfortable they were. They would want to order more beer and tell Steve and I to hurry up and drink up. Steve would have slowed down to a crawl by now.
Then I would do the nasty.
I told Steve it was time for a little chug a lug because I knew it wasn’t fair that I was not feeling it yet. – Bottoms Up!
Then Steve would start the name calling.
Finally he would utter some profanity and stand up to go to the washroom. The boys would cheer. Steve would shake my hand and head off to do his business.
I would let him go in the door and then count to twenty – they were the longest twenty seconds of my life. Just long enough to know he was already in progress.
And then I would run as fast as I could to the bathroom ready to explode.
Steve and I would stand side by side with him calling me names and angry that he fell for it again.
We would come out laughing. At this point the other tables around us knew what we were doing and we would get a cheer when we reemerged.
And no matter who won, the winner would use the money to buy another round.
Power can be fun.
I know it is hard to see how people manipulate and control each other. I know it is hard to see ourselves as people who would use someone’s needs as means to control them. I know that it is hard to see people in a positive light knowing that many have spent their lives pursuing power and wanting to have power over others.
I know that once you understand the process of power, it is hard to see past it.
But people just don’t know better. It is something we have done for so long.
And that is why it is time for a change. Time for an evolution. Time to become more. It is time to bring the age of power to an end and begin the age of compassion. So I offer you the understanding so that you might see through your reality to the truth and begin to do something about it. If once everyday you can choose to use compassion over power…
Well I think you have done a pretty good thing. I don’t expect much more of myself.
Am I sad?
No.
I am determined.
Friday, October 28, 2005
Hey Jesse
A short while ago a student wrote to me.
He posed these thoughts and asked me to respond.
Is it all about perspective?
People are afraid.
What do people fear? Death. Loneliness.
There is a strong urge for humans to belong to a group. Why?
I think everyone should live alone in the woods for a long while and think. Or not think at all.
Be alone and simply survive. Be very basic.
The closed people should do this.
Hell, I should do this.
I would like to.
What is stopping me?
Many things.
First I believe you are thinking many things at once.
In time you will start to separate these things out into independent ideas. You will start to find answers when you do.
But here are my thoughts...They may seem a little abstract...But here goes...
People need people.
We need each other for survival. There is too much work in a day to accomplish it all. We love our food, clothes, cars, music, art, movies, travel and comforts. They are not possible without the work of many others.
Our world has evolved into a society that divides up the work, sets a value to it - as defined in the market place - and rewards each of us accordingly. As a result we have gone from family units that divided labor by gender role - husband and boys work the fields and hunt, wife and girls gather and tend the home - to labor units - academics, corporate executives, farmers, retail workers, laborers, skilled laborers, police and law enforcement, military and defense, administration and government. Each group has its duties. All are so interdependent that survival is impossible without the contribution of all.
There are very few persons alive today who have the ability to grow their own food and make their own clothes and build their own shelter and protect themselves and keep themselves healthy and...Do all the things we need to do to enjoy the life we live in our cushy world.
We do not share without condition. We do not give each other the fruits of our skills without expecting something in return. We want all the things that we don't have and we need each other to have them. So we are placed in a situation where it is hard to see any alternative other than power.
Even I want to publish and get paid for sharing these ideas.
We use others needs as a means to fulfill our own needs. This is nothing but power - pure and simple.
We have more than physical needs.
We have emotional needs and spiritual needs.
Some of those are defined for us. Some are innate. To understand power we don't need to differentiate the socially constructed needs from the basic human ones. We just accept that they are present and operating. Because a need does not have to be right or correct or natural to be used effectively as power.
The spiritual needs lead us to concern ourselves with that part of us that existed prior to this life and will exist after this life is completed. We attend ourselves to the idea of meaning. What this life means. What we mean. What each experience we have means.
What is the purpose of our existence?
These are questions we are compelled to answer by our very nature. It takes a very strong willed person to avoid these questions all of their lives. Eventually we all ask them. Some of us will embrace them.
The emotional needs usually creep up on us. You can have everything you ever wanted in your physical life, but be lonely and sad. Although it is pretty tough to be ecstatic when you are poor, every rich person will tell you that money does not make you happy. We all want to be loved and appreciated for who we are - not just what we do or what we have.
Again, we can deny this. We can avoid this. But it seems to come to the surface eventually and we are forced to consider what it means. People need the love, affection and appreciation of other people. Both those close to us and those who are strangers to us.
These needs are real and they are used for power.
Sadly it seems that this use of power forms a significant part of our upbringing. We are socialized into this world by having to experience various manifestations of the old "Go Stand In the Corner" punishment. The time out. The go to your room. The No dessert for you. The You're grounded. The You're not my friend anymore. The I don't want you anymore. The You're fired.
All posing a threat of being alone.
Power.
Innate in us is the desire to be with others and be a successful part of the group. Belonging.
Maslow told us a lot about this.
But when you take these two ideas and put them together you create a dilemma which is hard to over come. When you combine the needs we have for other people with the differentiated labor market based society we live in you send a message to every individual. That message is - You better fit in or we won't let you stay and you will die. Play a role in this world - the way it is - or you don't belong with us and you will be outcast.
You must belong or you can't survive.
You can't survive physically. You can't survive emotionally. You can't survive spiritually.
Belong or else.
That is so hard for a baby to accept. Sleep when we sleep. Poop the way we poop. Eat what we eat. Be like us.
Teenagers suffer through. Be like us but be different from others. Be the same but be unique. To be unique often means to reject that which kept you safe for the first 14 years - your family.
Adults give up ideals and dreams. Go to work. Do the job. Bring the money home and make a house that others envy. Have nice lawn. Have a nice car. Have the toys that others envy. Be the same but be more and better than everyone else.
But we are all in the same boat. We are all suffering through the same life path. We are all alone and yet surrounded.
So we try to find some peace.
You will go quietly into a cool northern wilderness evening. And sit with yourself.
That is why prayer, meditation, quiet, resting is part of every religion this world has created.
Because when we sit alone quietly long enough we learn two things.
First - we are not alone. We are all together walking the path.
Second - life is an exhilarating experience that will be nothing more than what we make it.
He posed these thoughts and asked me to respond.
Is it all about perspective?
People are afraid.
What do people fear? Death. Loneliness.
There is a strong urge for humans to belong to a group. Why?
I think everyone should live alone in the woods for a long while and think. Or not think at all.
Be alone and simply survive. Be very basic.
The closed people should do this.
Hell, I should do this.
I would like to.
What is stopping me?
Many things.
First I believe you are thinking many things at once.
In time you will start to separate these things out into independent ideas. You will start to find answers when you do.
But here are my thoughts...They may seem a little abstract...But here goes...
People need people.
We need each other for survival. There is too much work in a day to accomplish it all. We love our food, clothes, cars, music, art, movies, travel and comforts. They are not possible without the work of many others.
Our world has evolved into a society that divides up the work, sets a value to it - as defined in the market place - and rewards each of us accordingly. As a result we have gone from family units that divided labor by gender role - husband and boys work the fields and hunt, wife and girls gather and tend the home - to labor units - academics, corporate executives, farmers, retail workers, laborers, skilled laborers, police and law enforcement, military and defense, administration and government. Each group has its duties. All are so interdependent that survival is impossible without the contribution of all.
There are very few persons alive today who have the ability to grow their own food and make their own clothes and build their own shelter and protect themselves and keep themselves healthy and...Do all the things we need to do to enjoy the life we live in our cushy world.
We do not share without condition. We do not give each other the fruits of our skills without expecting something in return. We want all the things that we don't have and we need each other to have them. So we are placed in a situation where it is hard to see any alternative other than power.
Even I want to publish and get paid for sharing these ideas.
We use others needs as a means to fulfill our own needs. This is nothing but power - pure and simple.
We have more than physical needs.
We have emotional needs and spiritual needs.
Some of those are defined for us. Some are innate. To understand power we don't need to differentiate the socially constructed needs from the basic human ones. We just accept that they are present and operating. Because a need does not have to be right or correct or natural to be used effectively as power.
The spiritual needs lead us to concern ourselves with that part of us that existed prior to this life and will exist after this life is completed. We attend ourselves to the idea of meaning. What this life means. What we mean. What each experience we have means.
What is the purpose of our existence?
These are questions we are compelled to answer by our very nature. It takes a very strong willed person to avoid these questions all of their lives. Eventually we all ask them. Some of us will embrace them.
The emotional needs usually creep up on us. You can have everything you ever wanted in your physical life, but be lonely and sad. Although it is pretty tough to be ecstatic when you are poor, every rich person will tell you that money does not make you happy. We all want to be loved and appreciated for who we are - not just what we do or what we have.
Again, we can deny this. We can avoid this. But it seems to come to the surface eventually and we are forced to consider what it means. People need the love, affection and appreciation of other people. Both those close to us and those who are strangers to us.
These needs are real and they are used for power.
Sadly it seems that this use of power forms a significant part of our upbringing. We are socialized into this world by having to experience various manifestations of the old "Go Stand In the Corner" punishment. The time out. The go to your room. The No dessert for you. The You're grounded. The You're not my friend anymore. The I don't want you anymore. The You're fired.
All posing a threat of being alone.
Power.
Innate in us is the desire to be with others and be a successful part of the group. Belonging.
Maslow told us a lot about this.
But when you take these two ideas and put them together you create a dilemma which is hard to over come. When you combine the needs we have for other people with the differentiated labor market based society we live in you send a message to every individual. That message is - You better fit in or we won't let you stay and you will die. Play a role in this world - the way it is - or you don't belong with us and you will be outcast.
You must belong or you can't survive.
You can't survive physically. You can't survive emotionally. You can't survive spiritually.
Belong or else.
That is so hard for a baby to accept. Sleep when we sleep. Poop the way we poop. Eat what we eat. Be like us.
Teenagers suffer through. Be like us but be different from others. Be the same but be unique. To be unique often means to reject that which kept you safe for the first 14 years - your family.
Adults give up ideals and dreams. Go to work. Do the job. Bring the money home and make a house that others envy. Have nice lawn. Have a nice car. Have the toys that others envy. Be the same but be more and better than everyone else.
But we are all in the same boat. We are all suffering through the same life path. We are all alone and yet surrounded.
So we try to find some peace.
You will go quietly into a cool northern wilderness evening. And sit with yourself.
That is why prayer, meditation, quiet, resting is part of every religion this world has created.
Because when we sit alone quietly long enough we learn two things.
First - we are not alone. We are all together walking the path.
Second - life is an exhilarating experience that will be nothing more than what we make it.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Jealousy
Just the other day I was asked by a past student,
"Where does jealousy fit into all this power stuff?"
I tried to remind him that if he is feeling angry or fearful, that is usually an indication of Power at work.
Jealousy, I suppose, is some mixture of fear and anger. Fear that you don't have what you are looking for. Anger that something is being taken away from you. It is a feeling which motivates and creates feelings of control and influence. It makes us behave positively by acting out our love for another and expressing how much we want to be with them. It motivates us negatively because we cling and behave childishly.
If it is being used intentionally we can see how someone who seeks to have their partner express their love and need for them in elaborate or extreme terms can compel the other to act in a closer more expressive fashion.
If it is being used without a power intention - it is still power - but the other person may now be upset or offended by what appears to be a question or challenge to their fidelity and loyalty.
Intentional or not, there is a power dynamic going on.
Choice is being motivated by need.
Certainly we can see a need in play.
So ask that first question in the Method - "What is my need?"
At first blush we can see a need for love, attention, affection.
Maslow and the Humanists can help us here.
When we examine the feelings of fear and jealousy we see a need related to self esteem and self worth. Everyone wants to be special to someone. Everyone wants to have someone special to them.
We see the need related to security and safety. Everyone wants to be able to trust the love of those they love. Everyone wants to know that they are not at risk of their special someone choosing someone else.
We can see how the withdrawal of love or the ability to withdraw love can be forceful. Especially if we attach our own self worth to their choice to give or withhold attention. Why do we feel at risk when someone we love gives extra attention to another?
The Mechanism shows us more. The other partner has the ability to give their attention and love to anyone. They have the ability to reassure us that we are the principle player in their lives. They have the ability to withhold that assurance. Their decision to give their attentions to another combined with our need to know we are the apple of their eye creates a dissonance we see as power.
When we try to categorize the need, we see that our need has many aspects to it. We have the requirement to be loved. Add to that an attachment to our modern view of monogamy. Our attachment to the ideas which dictate how romantic relationships should be lived. And most of all, an attachment to another person. Attachments are very much about our view of how we and the world around us, are supposed to be.
We have the basic desire to be someone's special love. We may have the simple desire to be with that person. Spend time. Talk. Make love. Be together. That need is being challenged.
It may be complex in that we think that love must have attention and a clear statement of commitment.
It may be compounded by past experiences of lost loves. It may be compounded by the number of people who take our loved one away from us.
It may be competing with the love you have for others. It is very common for one spouse to be jealous of their own child's time with the other parent. For a child to be jealous of a sibling who is better able to gain the favor of a parent. You may still want the sibling to be loved but right now you want the attention. Your need for this attention and love competes with your desire that the others, who are robbing you of your share, get the attention they need.
In summary you can see the dynamic.
The other person (intentionally or not) is using your need (healthy or not) for their attention to motivate you to act in a way that captures their attention (in a good way or bad).
You can then ask - "What is their Need?"
If it is an unintentional application of power, maybe they need you to support their efforts in giving a child or other loved one the attention they need. Supporting them in spite of the way it makes you feel insecure and unloved. Supporting them in spite of the needs you are experiencing.
If it is an intentional use of power, maybe they need you to actively capture their attention because they are using jealousy to get your attention. Maybe they need to have you express your attachment to them because they are feeling their attachment to you. Maybe they too have a need just like yours related to self esteem and security. Maybe they are needing attention and affirmation and affection. All of this a combination of requirements and attachments.
Now seeing the needs you can ask - "What are my choices?"
You can comply - give them the love or support that you see them needing.
Do you see the value in asking about their needs? Do you see how the power dynamic is always bipolar and some of the best strategies for response will come from understanding the other's need. In some cases the application of power is not intentional. It is innocent and inadvertent. By examining their need you can see past your own feelings of control and influence and see the interplay of two sets of needs.
Even if it is intentional by seeing the other person a someone with needs that are motivating the behavior that creates power on you, you can see the child of their heart. You may decide that it is best for everyone if you just give in to the power you are feeling and comply with the wishes of the other.
This is the beginning of compassion.
Still you can resist. Knowing that the other has needs you can use them. If they are using power unintentionally you can still try to change their behavior.
You can play on their love for you. You can tell them how you should come first. You can play up your hurt and blame them for your ill feelings. They need to see themselves as loving people. They are attached to you and to that same world view of how "love should be." You can use their needs to grab their attention and love.
If the power is intentional you can play the same game back. You can test and see who needs who more. Use their need by refusing to give attention. Play it out that you not only don't need their attention but you can get all the attention you need elsewhere. You can use their needs against them. Withhold your love and insist that they come to you.
Maybe they will...
Be careful - remember power destroy trust. This is the fast track to a power-based untrusting relationship that will have to end for the good of both of you.
Finally you have the big choice - Withdrawal - depowerment.
Defer your need for gratification. I will get lots of love and attention later.
Displace - there are many fish in the sea. I am a great person who will find that someone out there loves me and will give me all the attention I need.
Deny - I am strong person who does not need others to tell me I am wanted. I am able to get the attention I need in a lot of ways from a lot of people. This situation does not matter.
Detach - I do not see my self-worth in the eyes of others. I do not need other people - I chose to enjoy them and have varying degrees of intimacy with many people. I do not need to act in the way other people act in relationships. I can conduct myself in my life view. I will be fine whether this person shows me attention or not. I can simply accept what love and attention they give me for what it is not what I think it should be.
Do you see the true power in depowerment? Do you see that happiness does not lie in our ability to control others but in our ability to control ourselves?
Jealousy like any other feeling of power is just a feeling. It is an illusion that exists in our own head. If we can overcome our need to be attached to someone else, then the power disappears.
"Where does jealousy fit into all this power stuff?"
I tried to remind him that if he is feeling angry or fearful, that is usually an indication of Power at work.
Jealousy, I suppose, is some mixture of fear and anger. Fear that you don't have what you are looking for. Anger that something is being taken away from you. It is a feeling which motivates and creates feelings of control and influence. It makes us behave positively by acting out our love for another and expressing how much we want to be with them. It motivates us negatively because we cling and behave childishly.
If it is being used intentionally we can see how someone who seeks to have their partner express their love and need for them in elaborate or extreme terms can compel the other to act in a closer more expressive fashion.
If it is being used without a power intention - it is still power - but the other person may now be upset or offended by what appears to be a question or challenge to their fidelity and loyalty.
Intentional or not, there is a power dynamic going on.
Choice is being motivated by need.
Certainly we can see a need in play.
So ask that first question in the Method - "What is my need?"
At first blush we can see a need for love, attention, affection.
Maslow and the Humanists can help us here.
When we examine the feelings of fear and jealousy we see a need related to self esteem and self worth. Everyone wants to be special to someone. Everyone wants to have someone special to them.
We see the need related to security and safety. Everyone wants to be able to trust the love of those they love. Everyone wants to know that they are not at risk of their special someone choosing someone else.
We can see how the withdrawal of love or the ability to withdraw love can be forceful. Especially if we attach our own self worth to their choice to give or withhold attention. Why do we feel at risk when someone we love gives extra attention to another?
The Mechanism shows us more. The other partner has the ability to give their attention and love to anyone. They have the ability to reassure us that we are the principle player in their lives. They have the ability to withhold that assurance. Their decision to give their attentions to another combined with our need to know we are the apple of their eye creates a dissonance we see as power.
When we try to categorize the need, we see that our need has many aspects to it. We have the requirement to be loved. Add to that an attachment to our modern view of monogamy. Our attachment to the ideas which dictate how romantic relationships should be lived. And most of all, an attachment to another person. Attachments are very much about our view of how we and the world around us, are supposed to be.
We have the basic desire to be someone's special love. We may have the simple desire to be with that person. Spend time. Talk. Make love. Be together. That need is being challenged.
It may be complex in that we think that love must have attention and a clear statement of commitment.
It may be compounded by past experiences of lost loves. It may be compounded by the number of people who take our loved one away from us.
It may be competing with the love you have for others. It is very common for one spouse to be jealous of their own child's time with the other parent. For a child to be jealous of a sibling who is better able to gain the favor of a parent. You may still want the sibling to be loved but right now you want the attention. Your need for this attention and love competes with your desire that the others, who are robbing you of your share, get the attention they need.
In summary you can see the dynamic.
The other person (intentionally or not) is using your need (healthy or not) for their attention to motivate you to act in a way that captures their attention (in a good way or bad).
You can then ask - "What is their Need?"
If it is an unintentional application of power, maybe they need you to support their efforts in giving a child or other loved one the attention they need. Supporting them in spite of the way it makes you feel insecure and unloved. Supporting them in spite of the needs you are experiencing.
If it is an intentional use of power, maybe they need you to actively capture their attention because they are using jealousy to get your attention. Maybe they need to have you express your attachment to them because they are feeling their attachment to you. Maybe they too have a need just like yours related to self esteem and security. Maybe they are needing attention and affirmation and affection. All of this a combination of requirements and attachments.
Now seeing the needs you can ask - "What are my choices?"
You can comply - give them the love or support that you see them needing.
Do you see the value in asking about their needs? Do you see how the power dynamic is always bipolar and some of the best strategies for response will come from understanding the other's need. In some cases the application of power is not intentional. It is innocent and inadvertent. By examining their need you can see past your own feelings of control and influence and see the interplay of two sets of needs.
Even if it is intentional by seeing the other person a someone with needs that are motivating the behavior that creates power on you, you can see the child of their heart. You may decide that it is best for everyone if you just give in to the power you are feeling and comply with the wishes of the other.
This is the beginning of compassion.
Still you can resist. Knowing that the other has needs you can use them. If they are using power unintentionally you can still try to change their behavior.
You can play on their love for you. You can tell them how you should come first. You can play up your hurt and blame them for your ill feelings. They need to see themselves as loving people. They are attached to you and to that same world view of how "love should be." You can use their needs to grab their attention and love.
If the power is intentional you can play the same game back. You can test and see who needs who more. Use their need by refusing to give attention. Play it out that you not only don't need their attention but you can get all the attention you need elsewhere. You can use their needs against them. Withhold your love and insist that they come to you.
Maybe they will...
Be careful - remember power destroy trust. This is the fast track to a power-based untrusting relationship that will have to end for the good of both of you.
Finally you have the big choice - Withdrawal - depowerment.
Defer your need for gratification. I will get lots of love and attention later.
Displace - there are many fish in the sea. I am a great person who will find that someone out there loves me and will give me all the attention I need.
Deny - I am strong person who does not need others to tell me I am wanted. I am able to get the attention I need in a lot of ways from a lot of people. This situation does not matter.
Detach - I do not see my self-worth in the eyes of others. I do not need other people - I chose to enjoy them and have varying degrees of intimacy with many people. I do not need to act in the way other people act in relationships. I can conduct myself in my life view. I will be fine whether this person shows me attention or not. I can simply accept what love and attention they give me for what it is not what I think it should be.
Do you see the true power in depowerment? Do you see that happiness does not lie in our ability to control others but in our ability to control ourselves?
Jealousy like any other feeling of power is just a feeling. It is an illusion that exists in our own head. If we can overcome our need to be attached to someone else, then the power disappears.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Question Seven - The Hope
Q VII. WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
When we all can use Power equally,
It is no longer a viable way to succeed.
The remaining alternative is Collaboration.
Can we both get what we want?Can we work together in open honesty?"
Well this is where it actually gets hard.
Up to this point we have learned new insights about power. Do attain them you have had to rethink your reality. Power is not a characteristic of some person. It is a method of getting things done. It is a method that relies on Needs and Abilities.
Past definitions of power are all about Person A imposing their will upon Person B. Sometimes we focus our attention on the deliberateness of this imposition or domination. Sometimes we are more focused on the ability of Person A to define realities for Person B and thus make the domination more complete.
But always past definitions have focused on the power and success of Person A. As such our quest for power has always been to mimic the traits, possessions and actions of person A. We have seen power as something Person A has.
Person A however is not where the secret lies.
Person B has the Source of Power.
To learn about having Power you have been required to redirect your focus and redefine your terminology. In doing so you have discovered the Source of Power and understood how the Power Dynamic works.
I think you get it.
Our new definition of Power focuses on the Subject – just as the Actor does – and describes the experience. Power is nothing more than the application of a Mechanism by Person A to the Needs of Person B to in an attempt to Control, Influence or Seduce a Choice of Person B that is beneficial to Person A.
What is the Truth? Control is an Illusion. The Only thing we control is how we respond to the circumstances before us.
So what are they responding to? They are responding to the source of Power.
What is the Source of Power? The Source of Power is Need. But for the Need there is no Power.
How does it work? The Actor sees the Need of the Subject and applies a Mechanism of Power to the Need. This application creates a feeling of Motivation like Fear, Anger, or Excitement. These feelings lead to the experience of Control, Influence or Seduction of the Choice targeted by the Actor.
Why are they using Power? Because they have a Need that the Subject can satisfy. This Need is the Source of Power for the Subject. All Power Dynamics are BiPolar in nature. By exploiting the Need of the Actor the Subject can balance the Power Dynamic. By seeing the Dynamic for what it is you retain the ability to make a choice. Having Choice is having Power.
What are the Choices? Usually there are three basic choices that can be combined in any way you choose. Compliance, Resistance or Withdrawal. It may be in your best interest to simply comply. You can use the Power you have to renegotiate and resist. We often call this Empowerment. Or you can depower your Needs by denying them, deferring them, displacing them or detaching them. Depowerment is taking the Power out of your Needs and withdrawing from the circumstance.
So…where do we go from here?
Power is balanced. Power is equalized. The process of Power is understood and can be utilized by everyone.
Where do we go from here?
What would the world be like if everyone knew how to use Power?
A constant state of war? A complete stalemate?
When power doesn’t work anymore we are forced to consider new options.
It is the subtle secrecy of power that we deplore. It is the manipulative feeling that accompanies it that we find abhorrent. It is the way it destroys trust that ruins our future and guarantees that we will be trapped in Power Dynamics forever.
So don’t use it.
Depower your life.
Detach from those things that are transient. Release desires, because we are never really satisfied. Learn to control your requirements. Take control over your body. It is the only thing you really could control anyway.
When you have a good desire and you cannot attain it without someone’s help, ask for help.
Seek out collaboration. Work together in open honesty. Put the truth on the table and share.
Collaboration is the new way. In collaboration lies compassion. And that is what will save us.
Compassion is the opposite of Power.
When we all can use Power equally,
It is no longer a viable way to succeed.
The remaining alternative is Collaboration.
Can we both get what we want?Can we work together in open honesty?"
Well this is where it actually gets hard.
Up to this point we have learned new insights about power. Do attain them you have had to rethink your reality. Power is not a characteristic of some person. It is a method of getting things done. It is a method that relies on Needs and Abilities.
Past definitions of power are all about Person A imposing their will upon Person B. Sometimes we focus our attention on the deliberateness of this imposition or domination. Sometimes we are more focused on the ability of Person A to define realities for Person B and thus make the domination more complete.
But always past definitions have focused on the power and success of Person A. As such our quest for power has always been to mimic the traits, possessions and actions of person A. We have seen power as something Person A has.
Person A however is not where the secret lies.
Person B has the Source of Power.
To learn about having Power you have been required to redirect your focus and redefine your terminology. In doing so you have discovered the Source of Power and understood how the Power Dynamic works.
I think you get it.
Our new definition of Power focuses on the Subject – just as the Actor does – and describes the experience. Power is nothing more than the application of a Mechanism by Person A to the Needs of Person B to in an attempt to Control, Influence or Seduce a Choice of Person B that is beneficial to Person A.
What is the Truth? Control is an Illusion. The Only thing we control is how we respond to the circumstances before us.
So what are they responding to? They are responding to the source of Power.
What is the Source of Power? The Source of Power is Need. But for the Need there is no Power.
How does it work? The Actor sees the Need of the Subject and applies a Mechanism of Power to the Need. This application creates a feeling of Motivation like Fear, Anger, or Excitement. These feelings lead to the experience of Control, Influence or Seduction of the Choice targeted by the Actor.
Why are they using Power? Because they have a Need that the Subject can satisfy. This Need is the Source of Power for the Subject. All Power Dynamics are BiPolar in nature. By exploiting the Need of the Actor the Subject can balance the Power Dynamic. By seeing the Dynamic for what it is you retain the ability to make a choice. Having Choice is having Power.
What are the Choices? Usually there are three basic choices that can be combined in any way you choose. Compliance, Resistance or Withdrawal. It may be in your best interest to simply comply. You can use the Power you have to renegotiate and resist. We often call this Empowerment. Or you can depower your Needs by denying them, deferring them, displacing them or detaching them. Depowerment is taking the Power out of your Needs and withdrawing from the circumstance.
So…where do we go from here?
Power is balanced. Power is equalized. The process of Power is understood and can be utilized by everyone.
Where do we go from here?
What would the world be like if everyone knew how to use Power?
A constant state of war? A complete stalemate?
When power doesn’t work anymore we are forced to consider new options.
It is the subtle secrecy of power that we deplore. It is the manipulative feeling that accompanies it that we find abhorrent. It is the way it destroys trust that ruins our future and guarantees that we will be trapped in Power Dynamics forever.
So don’t use it.
Depower your life.
Detach from those things that are transient. Release desires, because we are never really satisfied. Learn to control your requirements. Take control over your body. It is the only thing you really could control anyway.
When you have a good desire and you cannot attain it without someone’s help, ask for help.
Seek out collaboration. Work together in open honesty. Put the truth on the table and share.
Collaboration is the new way. In collaboration lies compassion. And that is what will save us.
Compassion is the opposite of Power.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Question Six
Hey all
Sorry, the college got busy and I haven’t been by to finish my thoughts.
So on to Question Six…
QVI. WHAT ARE MY CHOICES?
I can comply, resist or withdraw.
It may be best for me to comply.
Some relationships require that we comply.
I can Empower myself and resist the Dynamic.
I can create power for myself by using the BiPolar Nature of the Dynamic.
Having Empowered myself I can better negotiate.
I can Depower them and withdraw from the Dynamic.
By controlling my own needs I take the ability to use power away from them.
I can deny, defer or displace my requirements and desires.
I can detach from my attachments.
I can depower my needs.
I can combine these in anyway and create new Choices.
I have overcome.
I have Choices.
I can make a Choice.
I now have Power.
So question four and five have brought us to an understanding of the power dynamic we are subject to.
First we have needs that are being exploited by the Actor. We will always be subject to Requirements, Desires or Attachments that are complex, compounding and competing with each other. It is the defining character of human life. Any other person can see those needs and exploit them for the motivating power within them. Applying a mechanism – a simple ability to help or hinder those needs - will exacerbate the need and thus create a feeling of motivation - like fear, anger or excitement. As a result the Subject has an experience of Control, Influence or Seduction. It is a dynamic of power.
But that is only one half of the equation.
The reason the Actor has tried to use power, is that they have a need. They are in need of something. Maybe an action on your part. Maybe a few important words or thoughts. But whatever it is, the Actor has a need. And as with all needs, it can be utilized to create power.
All power dynamics have two sides to them. Power is always motivated by a need.
Needs are the source of all power.
So taking the time to examine the need being exploited for power over you, as well as the need which motivates the Actor to create the power dynamic, will allow you to have a complete picture of both sides of this BiPolar Power Dynamic.
Seeing it for what it is, always brings a sense of calm. What makes power so scary for most people is the almost magical effect it has. Breaking through old ideas of power to see the simple mechanical nature of it creates a feeling of ability. With the ability comes courage and determination.
Don’t use this new knowledge to start throwing your weight around. There is another step.
The purpose of power is to control, influence or seduce the choice of others.
To defeat power is to retain choice. To overcome power is to be able to make the choice you want for you, in spite of the power being exercised over, or at, you.
So before you make one – look at what they might be.
So – as you would expect – the next question is “What are my choices?”
Choices are broken into three options: compliance, resistance or withdrawal.
Sometimes it is in your own best interest to comply with the demands or wishes of the Actor. Although they may be trying to use power over you, and you have an adverse reaction to such a thing, it may be best for you to submit. The rewards that they offer in the power play may be exactly what you want, so why not comply? Really, why not?
Maybe the punishment is so harsh that you cannot bare it. Maybe complying is not so bad. Maybe the relationship is one full of this-for-that trade-offs. Maybe that’s just what is necessary to have such a relationship.
I had a wonderful dog. She was fun and beautiful and loyal. And every night at 3 am she had to go outside. It was just when she had to go. So either she suffered or I suffered. She would nuzzle her cold nose under the blankets and whine a little whine. It was the nature of my relationship with her that I had to comply. She had a need. I had a need. I could use it for power over her. Or I could accept that this was the relationship we had and to have it meant that, from time to time, I had to comply with her demands.
Sometimes compliance is the right choice.
However sometimes for good reasons - and for bad - we do not want to comply.
Knowing the power dynamic is bipolar creates the opportunity to resist. Using their need right back on them gives you the chance to negotiate the outcome.
Some call this resistance Empowerment. This is the taking back of power, or being given the power to resist the will of the Actor. Of course it is only true empowerment when it plays on the other’s need.
This is the nature of any negotiation. It is only because both sides have what each other want that either bothers to negotiate. And the sources of the power to demand such bargaining are the respective needs of the parties.
Resistance using the BiPolar nature of the power dynamic is often expected. As such it is acceptable and causes no harm. Bargaining in the marketplace is like that. Bargaining with your kids or parents is like that.
However sometimes it is not expected. In fact many people who use power do not understand this two-sided characteristic and find themselves in power plays that are actually balanced. As a result the situation demands their compliance as well as the compliance of the subject. This catches them off-guard and creates ill feelings.
It is in this process of negotiating - resisting using the other person’s need - that we begin to see the true problem with power.
Power destroys trust. When we use someone’s need as a tool against them, they seldom like us much. They usually see us as exploitative selfish manipulators. They see us as untrustworthy back-stabbers. Often the act of negotiation results in a loss of relationship. That is why all the books on negotiation focus on the idea of being impersonal and principle oriented. There is always the danger of ending the relationship when you use the other’s needs to get what you want.
Of course it appears that the options are pretty bad. I can comply – give in – submit. Sounds like the rest of my life…
Or I can get into a power struggle by resisting and using their needs. I will loose the relationship and make enemies.
There is a third choice.
This is one of those enormous things that flow from the insight of the source of power.
If the source of power is need, and the power I am experiencing is due to an ability applied to my need, what if I could control the need? What if I withdraw from the circumstance? What if I can deny my need? What if I can displace this need by accepting something else? What if I can defer this need to another time? What if I can detach from the attachment being used against me? What if I take the power right out of this need by somehow eliminating the need from my life right now? Can I depower this other person? Can I take their power away by controlling my needs?
Depowerment is withdrawal. It is the act of eliminating power by controlling needs.
We can deny. We can give the need up. It may be something we can truly live without. It may be something that is not so important after we give it some thought.
We can displace. We can choose something else. We can replace the need with some other way to satisfy what is compelling us.
We can defer. We can wait. We can use a little self restraint and be willing to get what we want later.
We can detach from those things, ideas and people we feel so attached to. It may require some significant thought and realignment of our beliefs. It may show itself to be more aligned with our beliefs. We can free ourselves from the unnecessary connection to things.
This is the depowerment of our needs. It is the depowerment of our relationships. It is the depowerment of our lives.
How would a life without power dynamics feel?
Choices. Lots of choices.
Sorry, the college got busy and I haven’t been by to finish my thoughts.
So on to Question Six…
QVI. WHAT ARE MY CHOICES?
I can comply, resist or withdraw.
It may be best for me to comply.
Some relationships require that we comply.
I can Empower myself and resist the Dynamic.
I can create power for myself by using the BiPolar Nature of the Dynamic.
Having Empowered myself I can better negotiate.
I can Depower them and withdraw from the Dynamic.
By controlling my own needs I take the ability to use power away from them.
I can deny, defer or displace my requirements and desires.
I can detach from my attachments.
I can depower my needs.
I can combine these in anyway and create new Choices.
I have overcome.
I have Choices.
I can make a Choice.
I now have Power.
So question four and five have brought us to an understanding of the power dynamic we are subject to.
First we have needs that are being exploited by the Actor. We will always be subject to Requirements, Desires or Attachments that are complex, compounding and competing with each other. It is the defining character of human life. Any other person can see those needs and exploit them for the motivating power within them. Applying a mechanism – a simple ability to help or hinder those needs - will exacerbate the need and thus create a feeling of motivation - like fear, anger or excitement. As a result the Subject has an experience of Control, Influence or Seduction. It is a dynamic of power.
But that is only one half of the equation.
The reason the Actor has tried to use power, is that they have a need. They are in need of something. Maybe an action on your part. Maybe a few important words or thoughts. But whatever it is, the Actor has a need. And as with all needs, it can be utilized to create power.
All power dynamics have two sides to them. Power is always motivated by a need.
Needs are the source of all power.
So taking the time to examine the need being exploited for power over you, as well as the need which motivates the Actor to create the power dynamic, will allow you to have a complete picture of both sides of this BiPolar Power Dynamic.
Seeing it for what it is, always brings a sense of calm. What makes power so scary for most people is the almost magical effect it has. Breaking through old ideas of power to see the simple mechanical nature of it creates a feeling of ability. With the ability comes courage and determination.
Don’t use this new knowledge to start throwing your weight around. There is another step.
The purpose of power is to control, influence or seduce the choice of others.
To defeat power is to retain choice. To overcome power is to be able to make the choice you want for you, in spite of the power being exercised over, or at, you.
So before you make one – look at what they might be.
So – as you would expect – the next question is “What are my choices?”
Choices are broken into three options: compliance, resistance or withdrawal.
Sometimes it is in your own best interest to comply with the demands or wishes of the Actor. Although they may be trying to use power over you, and you have an adverse reaction to such a thing, it may be best for you to submit. The rewards that they offer in the power play may be exactly what you want, so why not comply? Really, why not?
Maybe the punishment is so harsh that you cannot bare it. Maybe complying is not so bad. Maybe the relationship is one full of this-for-that trade-offs. Maybe that’s just what is necessary to have such a relationship.
I had a wonderful dog. She was fun and beautiful and loyal. And every night at 3 am she had to go outside. It was just when she had to go. So either she suffered or I suffered. She would nuzzle her cold nose under the blankets and whine a little whine. It was the nature of my relationship with her that I had to comply. She had a need. I had a need. I could use it for power over her. Or I could accept that this was the relationship we had and to have it meant that, from time to time, I had to comply with her demands.
Sometimes compliance is the right choice.
However sometimes for good reasons - and for bad - we do not want to comply.
Knowing the power dynamic is bipolar creates the opportunity to resist. Using their need right back on them gives you the chance to negotiate the outcome.
Some call this resistance Empowerment. This is the taking back of power, or being given the power to resist the will of the Actor. Of course it is only true empowerment when it plays on the other’s need.
This is the nature of any negotiation. It is only because both sides have what each other want that either bothers to negotiate. And the sources of the power to demand such bargaining are the respective needs of the parties.
Resistance using the BiPolar nature of the power dynamic is often expected. As such it is acceptable and causes no harm. Bargaining in the marketplace is like that. Bargaining with your kids or parents is like that.
However sometimes it is not expected. In fact many people who use power do not understand this two-sided characteristic and find themselves in power plays that are actually balanced. As a result the situation demands their compliance as well as the compliance of the subject. This catches them off-guard and creates ill feelings.
It is in this process of negotiating - resisting using the other person’s need - that we begin to see the true problem with power.
Power destroys trust. When we use someone’s need as a tool against them, they seldom like us much. They usually see us as exploitative selfish manipulators. They see us as untrustworthy back-stabbers. Often the act of negotiation results in a loss of relationship. That is why all the books on negotiation focus on the idea of being impersonal and principle oriented. There is always the danger of ending the relationship when you use the other’s needs to get what you want.
Of course it appears that the options are pretty bad. I can comply – give in – submit. Sounds like the rest of my life…
Or I can get into a power struggle by resisting and using their needs. I will loose the relationship and make enemies.
There is a third choice.
This is one of those enormous things that flow from the insight of the source of power.
If the source of power is need, and the power I am experiencing is due to an ability applied to my need, what if I could control the need? What if I withdraw from the circumstance? What if I can deny my need? What if I can displace this need by accepting something else? What if I can defer this need to another time? What if I can detach from the attachment being used against me? What if I take the power right out of this need by somehow eliminating the need from my life right now? Can I depower this other person? Can I take their power away by controlling my needs?
Depowerment is withdrawal. It is the act of eliminating power by controlling needs.
We can deny. We can give the need up. It may be something we can truly live without. It may be something that is not so important after we give it some thought.
We can displace. We can choose something else. We can replace the need with some other way to satisfy what is compelling us.
We can defer. We can wait. We can use a little self restraint and be willing to get what we want later.
We can detach from those things, ideas and people we feel so attached to. It may require some significant thought and realignment of our beliefs. It may show itself to be more aligned with our beliefs. We can free ourselves from the unnecessary connection to things.
This is the depowerment of our needs. It is the depowerment of our relationships. It is the depowerment of our lives.
How would a life without power dynamics feel?
Choices. Lots of choices.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Question Five
Q V. WHY ARE THEY USING POWER?
Because they have a Need.
All Power Dynamics are Bipolar.
They are driven by two sets of Needs.
So, what is their Need?
Examine their feelings.
Understand your Mechanism.
Categorize their Needs as Requirements, Desires or Attachments.
Examine the Complexities, how they Compound and how
they Compete.
State their Need.
State the whole Dynamic.
State it out loud.
Knowing that the source of power is Need changes everything. No matter what happens or how you feel, that ultimate truth offers the potential to break out of the cycle of conflict and power and see how all power is balanced.
When people use power it is because they are seeking to satisfy a need. It is the purpose of power.
Power is about choice. When you think power ask yourself what is the choice they are targeting?
Power comes from needs and abilities. So ask your self what are my needs and what are the abilities they have to affect those needs?
And then ask it again.
All power is BiPolar in nature. No power dynamic is created unless there is a need to be filled.
So ask the question – What is their need that drives this power dynamic and what is my ability that they are wanting me to use in their favor?
Some of the needs of the Actors are obvious and simple. You can name them without effort. They are predictable because people are predictable. And often the dynamic is about an outcome that you know. You may not have to look very hard to recognize why they want to use power.
Sometimes it’s not so simple. People can be sick and twisted. There are those who use power simply to prove they can. They do it for the rush or the thrill of it. Because they find having power over others to be pleasurable. But it is still a need. That need to use it or prove it, is the source of your potential power back on them.
The trick is to use their need just enough to put a halt to the dynamic.
Halting the dynamic and seeing it for all it is defeats power. It gives back the opportunity for choice. That is all we really wanted in the first place – was to have choice.
But there could be more…
If you can pause the dynamic long enough to state it out loud – to describe it to the other person in terms of needs and abilities – you may create more than just your own power. You may introduce a chance to do more than just take back choice. You may create the chance to openly discuss power and how in plays in that relationship.
Many people don’t like to think that they may be a power user.
We all are. It can’t be denied. We all use power from time to time to get our way. It is so natural to us because it has been practiced for most of our lives. We can do it without intention or thought. It just comes out sometimes.
But that doesn’t mean we really want to do that. It may mean we just don’t see it. It may mean we just haven’t tried anything else yet. – Yet…
The Bipolar Nature of the Power dynamic does more than balance the power and give back choice. It creates the chance for human evolution…
Now that would be some choice…
Because they have a Need.
All Power Dynamics are Bipolar.
They are driven by two sets of Needs.
So, what is their Need?
Examine their feelings.
Understand your Mechanism.
Categorize their Needs as Requirements, Desires or Attachments.
Examine the Complexities, how they Compound and how
they Compete.
State their Need.
State the whole Dynamic.
State it out loud.
Knowing that the source of power is Need changes everything. No matter what happens or how you feel, that ultimate truth offers the potential to break out of the cycle of conflict and power and see how all power is balanced.
When people use power it is because they are seeking to satisfy a need. It is the purpose of power.
Power is about choice. When you think power ask yourself what is the choice they are targeting?
Power comes from needs and abilities. So ask your self what are my needs and what are the abilities they have to affect those needs?
And then ask it again.
All power is BiPolar in nature. No power dynamic is created unless there is a need to be filled.
So ask the question – What is their need that drives this power dynamic and what is my ability that they are wanting me to use in their favor?
Some of the needs of the Actors are obvious and simple. You can name them without effort. They are predictable because people are predictable. And often the dynamic is about an outcome that you know. You may not have to look very hard to recognize why they want to use power.
Sometimes it’s not so simple. People can be sick and twisted. There are those who use power simply to prove they can. They do it for the rush or the thrill of it. Because they find having power over others to be pleasurable. But it is still a need. That need to use it or prove it, is the source of your potential power back on them.
The trick is to use their need just enough to put a halt to the dynamic.
Halting the dynamic and seeing it for all it is defeats power. It gives back the opportunity for choice. That is all we really wanted in the first place – was to have choice.
But there could be more…
If you can pause the dynamic long enough to state it out loud – to describe it to the other person in terms of needs and abilities – you may create more than just your own power. You may introduce a chance to do more than just take back choice. You may create the chance to openly discuss power and how in plays in that relationship.
Many people don’t like to think that they may be a power user.
We all are. It can’t be denied. We all use power from time to time to get our way. It is so natural to us because it has been practiced for most of our lives. We can do it without intention or thought. It just comes out sometimes.
But that doesn’t mean we really want to do that. It may mean we just don’t see it. It may mean we just haven’t tried anything else yet. – Yet…
The Bipolar Nature of the Power dynamic does more than balance the power and give back choice. It creates the chance for human evolution…
Now that would be some choice…
Friday, September 23, 2005
Question Four - the method
QIV. WHAT IS MY NEED?
Identify your operating needs.
All of them.
Look to your feelings.
Control, Influence and Seduction
Fear, Anger and Excitement
Look to the Mechanisms they are using.
Is it directed at you or someone else?
Does it help or hinder?
Is it actual or potential?
Identify them as Requirements, Desires and Attachments.
Identify how they are Complex, Compounding and Competing.
Clearly articulate your Needs and state the Dynamic.
The Method is a simple thing. But it is not easy.
If the source of power is need, then you can know that when you feel some power dynamic it is being driven by some need or set of needs within you.
The truth is the power against you originates within you. Finding that origin is the first step.
When you have successfully located the need being stimulated by the mechanism, there are any number of choices you can make. After all, power is about choice. Having choice in spite of the power dynamic being utilized on you, is true power.
Isolating and naming that need is not easy. When have people been good at understanding their own emotions and feelings? Feelings are exactly that kind of evasive and deceptive thing. We may act on them and respond to them but we seldom have a good handle on them. Needs are like that.
They are like that because most of our needs are perceived as feelings. Hunger, thirst, yearning, cravings, desires, attachments, loneliness, love, fear, excitement, and anger are all feelings connected to need. We feel our needs. That is why they can be converted to feelings of power. It is the feeling of power that is motivating. Power is a feeling that motivates our choice.
That is why it works.
That is also why power is an illusion.
Getting a good understanding, a clear picture, of our needs is not easy. But it is necessary. When we can see the need that is being triggered by the mechanism employed by the actor, we can comprehend the dynamic. We can describe it in terms of words. We can state it out loud. We can externalize it and look at it and get a grip on it again. And amazingly often the power within it will begin to dissipate.
There are times when the need is so real and so un-compromise-able that we may decide consciously that we will comply with the intentions of the actor. We may agree to succumb. But at least it becomes a choice again. Not some gut reaction based in anger and resentment and weakness.
To find the need we must be systematic. In the beginning this system will be slow and appear inefficient. You may question its value given the pressing way people play out power. After all, time is often the most significant element in the circumstance. We may have to make choices in milliseconds. The idea then of a lengthy analysis would seem ridiculous - certainly useless in such situations.
However, like every other kind of thinking and decision making we do, we have conditioned ourselves into considering a specific set of factors. When we choose a food off a menu we can often do it in a matter of moments because we have made such decisions a number of times before. We have practiced and we have become good at it. We can give due thought to ten or twenty factors and make decisions in a moment. The difference is that you have never seen power as a thing of needs before. So it has not been part of your consideration in the past.
In the past you have looked to the consequences and the consequences alone. Then you feel the power and you make the decision. In the future, with practice you can look to the operating needs and then choose to submit to them or not.
It is nothing more than a new sequence of thoughts that you must practice and implement. You are not doing something you haven’t done millions of times before. You are just doing it in a new way. Because you already do this kind of thinking, it will become easy within just a few tries.
The sequence is this – First, look at the feelings you are experiencing – what do they tell you? What are you afraid of? What are you angry about? What are you excited about? How is it that you feel controlled, influenced or seduced? What is the feeling that is motivating you and where is it coming from?
Second, look to the thing they are using to get you to change your choice. What is the mechanism they are using to create this feeling? Are they applying it to you directly or to someone else? Is it an attempt to help you in your happiness or to inhibit or hurt your happiness? Is it real and actual? Or is it a threat or promise?
Next consider how you might classify this need. Is this a requirement? Is it something that you cannot live without? Does it go to your survival or inflict pain? Is it a desire? Is it something that you wish for? Is it something that you want but can live without? Is it part of my dreams and wishes? Is it an attachment? Is this a person, idea or thing that you are compelled to protect or defend? Is it something that you can’t let go of? Is it something that will cause you to lose self esteem if you allow it to be compromised?
Finally ask yourself if this feeling of need is complicated. Is it complex? Is it part of a larger need or plan you have? Are there other needs which are competing with this one? Do I have to make a choice between satisfying one need over another? Does it feel worse because it is compounded with other needs? Am I feeling this need because of other needs which are going on at the same time?
Make sure you are taking enough time to see deep into that pool of needs and identify all of the ones that are operating.
Now you see the source of the power against you. You can even describe it. They are using their ability to ……….to help or hinder my need for……….to get me to make the following choice…………..
You can state your side of the dynamic.
Your side you say…?
There is another side?
Yes of course. People don’t use power without a reason. They are motivated to use power because they have a need. This is another of those infinite possibilities hidden inside the truth about power. If the source of power is the need of the subject, and the actor is only using power because they have a need, then their need is your source of power.
Yes, in every power dynamic there are two sides. And yes, every time someone uses power on you, there is an opportunity for you to use power on them.
If you really want to….
Identify your operating needs.
All of them.
Look to your feelings.
Control, Influence and Seduction
Fear, Anger and Excitement
Look to the Mechanisms they are using.
Is it directed at you or someone else?
Does it help or hinder?
Is it actual or potential?
Identify them as Requirements, Desires and Attachments.
Identify how they are Complex, Compounding and Competing.
Clearly articulate your Needs and state the Dynamic.
The Method is a simple thing. But it is not easy.
If the source of power is need, then you can know that when you feel some power dynamic it is being driven by some need or set of needs within you.
The truth is the power against you originates within you. Finding that origin is the first step.
When you have successfully located the need being stimulated by the mechanism, there are any number of choices you can make. After all, power is about choice. Having choice in spite of the power dynamic being utilized on you, is true power.
Isolating and naming that need is not easy. When have people been good at understanding their own emotions and feelings? Feelings are exactly that kind of evasive and deceptive thing. We may act on them and respond to them but we seldom have a good handle on them. Needs are like that.
They are like that because most of our needs are perceived as feelings. Hunger, thirst, yearning, cravings, desires, attachments, loneliness, love, fear, excitement, and anger are all feelings connected to need. We feel our needs. That is why they can be converted to feelings of power. It is the feeling of power that is motivating. Power is a feeling that motivates our choice.
That is why it works.
That is also why power is an illusion.
Getting a good understanding, a clear picture, of our needs is not easy. But it is necessary. When we can see the need that is being triggered by the mechanism employed by the actor, we can comprehend the dynamic. We can describe it in terms of words. We can state it out loud. We can externalize it and look at it and get a grip on it again. And amazingly often the power within it will begin to dissipate.
There are times when the need is so real and so un-compromise-able that we may decide consciously that we will comply with the intentions of the actor. We may agree to succumb. But at least it becomes a choice again. Not some gut reaction based in anger and resentment and weakness.
To find the need we must be systematic. In the beginning this system will be slow and appear inefficient. You may question its value given the pressing way people play out power. After all, time is often the most significant element in the circumstance. We may have to make choices in milliseconds. The idea then of a lengthy analysis would seem ridiculous - certainly useless in such situations.
However, like every other kind of thinking and decision making we do, we have conditioned ourselves into considering a specific set of factors. When we choose a food off a menu we can often do it in a matter of moments because we have made such decisions a number of times before. We have practiced and we have become good at it. We can give due thought to ten or twenty factors and make decisions in a moment. The difference is that you have never seen power as a thing of needs before. So it has not been part of your consideration in the past.
In the past you have looked to the consequences and the consequences alone. Then you feel the power and you make the decision. In the future, with practice you can look to the operating needs and then choose to submit to them or not.
It is nothing more than a new sequence of thoughts that you must practice and implement. You are not doing something you haven’t done millions of times before. You are just doing it in a new way. Because you already do this kind of thinking, it will become easy within just a few tries.
The sequence is this – First, look at the feelings you are experiencing – what do they tell you? What are you afraid of? What are you angry about? What are you excited about? How is it that you feel controlled, influenced or seduced? What is the feeling that is motivating you and where is it coming from?
Second, look to the thing they are using to get you to change your choice. What is the mechanism they are using to create this feeling? Are they applying it to you directly or to someone else? Is it an attempt to help you in your happiness or to inhibit or hurt your happiness? Is it real and actual? Or is it a threat or promise?
Next consider how you might classify this need. Is this a requirement? Is it something that you cannot live without? Does it go to your survival or inflict pain? Is it a desire? Is it something that you wish for? Is it something that you want but can live without? Is it part of my dreams and wishes? Is it an attachment? Is this a person, idea or thing that you are compelled to protect or defend? Is it something that you can’t let go of? Is it something that will cause you to lose self esteem if you allow it to be compromised?
Finally ask yourself if this feeling of need is complicated. Is it complex? Is it part of a larger need or plan you have? Are there other needs which are competing with this one? Do I have to make a choice between satisfying one need over another? Does it feel worse because it is compounded with other needs? Am I feeling this need because of other needs which are going on at the same time?
Make sure you are taking enough time to see deep into that pool of needs and identify all of the ones that are operating.
Now you see the source of the power against you. You can even describe it. They are using their ability to ……….to help or hinder my need for……….to get me to make the following choice…………..
You can state your side of the dynamic.
Your side you say…?
There is another side?
Yes of course. People don’t use power without a reason. They are motivated to use power because they have a need. This is another of those infinite possibilities hidden inside the truth about power. If the source of power is the need of the subject, and the actor is only using power because they have a need, then their need is your source of power.
Yes, in every power dynamic there are two sides. And yes, every time someone uses power on you, there is an opportunity for you to use power on them.
If you really want to….
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Complications
It may be that the dynamic of power as described appears a little simplistic. After all it doesn't feel that straight forward when you are deep in the experience and the feelings of power. When the anger is welling up from the feeling of being controlled by another person, to suggest that you should have better control of your needs, seems to ignore the magnitude of the situation.
The reason this appears at first blush to be an over-simplification is because all of our needs are active in some degree at the same time. They compete and compound with each other in ways that inhibit our ability to isolate one operating need.
We are simply a walking pool of needs. We have thousands in a given day and each one compels us to respond to it.
And they don’t wait their turn. Whether it is the result of some internal or external event or because some actor has tried to stimulate it, we can experience any need at ant time. We may be living one need when another comes forward and demands a response.
The needs we have compete for satisfaction. When a power dynamic is started with some other set of needs as the target, those new needs compete with those we are presently addressing. This exacerbates our feelings, frustrates our ability to satisfy them and enhances the actor’s ability to generate some power effect on the choices we are making at the time.
Two sets of power dynamics taking place from the efforts of two people can make our lives feel like hell. Imagine three or more…
When the boss wants you to work late and your spouse wants you at home and your child wants to play and you are hungry and need to eat and you are stressing over the unpaid bills, and you know that if you don’t get some exercise and stress relief you will have a heart attack, you are having some pretty complicated power dynamics.
Not only do they compete but they compound.
Sometimes a set of needs is augmented by other sets of needs that may or may not be related.
The effect of one need may be something you can over come.
You may be hungry and have a need for some nourishment.
But compound that with the need to feed your children and you have some pretty compelling power dynamics. So you can be understanding with someone who accepts a demotion and a cut in pay when you compound their need for food with the need to feed the children and the need to have shelter and the need to pay the bills and the need to have some self esteem and to have something like a career.
One set of needs adds to the next and soon the compounding effect makes it hard to distinguish one need from the other and impossible to isolate which need is the one that this power dynamic is playing on.
But there is more.
Needs can be complex.
Some needs are mental constructions that are built from a series of other needs that may need to be satisfied in some sequence or aggregate.
The need for a happy marriage is something that is built on a balance of satisfying other needs. This combines the need for self fulfillment and the fulfillment of others. You may start with your need for love and to be loved. There is the need to be appreciated for you as a person. You will have a little bit of companionship and common interests that need to be satisfied. You will have sex and affection. You will add a little bit of career with a little bit of child rearing. A dream or two for each of you. And maybe a little time for solitude and quiet.
All these needs must be satisfied. And each of them will have steps and increments for satisfaction.
All of them compounding and competing with each other – seeking satisfaction and thus compelling choices and behaviors. All being managed by you, day to day, moment to moment, to achieve the larger more complex goals…
Until some rotten SOB comes along and starts to use them as a source of power to control, influence or seduce your choices and get you to do, say or think what they want.
So when I say to you that the Dynamic of power is the simple application of a mechanism – an ability to help or hinder some operating need – to some active need that the actor has isolated and decided to use to create a feeling of control influence or seduction in you – you say it ain’t so simple…
Sometimes the mechanism will address more than the targeted need. Now here they are compounding with each other and those others we were busy trying to respond to. Sometimes the mechanism targets needs which we have sleeping happily waiting for later. Soon they compete for satisfaction. Sometimes the mechanism targets such a complicated complex set of needs that it is hard to see which part of that complex set is being activated. Sometimes that mechanism is so sweet that we cannot stop to think about anything.
The whole thing doesn’t feel simple. It feels so compelling and complicated. How can you simplify power this way?
No, the experience of Power is not simple.
It is not the dynamic that is complicated.
The needs are complicated. The dynamic is simple.
So when Power Dynamics compete, compound and are complex, it is because the needs one lives are competing, compounding and complex.
They are the source of that power.
The reason this appears at first blush to be an over-simplification is because all of our needs are active in some degree at the same time. They compete and compound with each other in ways that inhibit our ability to isolate one operating need.
We are simply a walking pool of needs. We have thousands in a given day and each one compels us to respond to it.
And they don’t wait their turn. Whether it is the result of some internal or external event or because some actor has tried to stimulate it, we can experience any need at ant time. We may be living one need when another comes forward and demands a response.
The needs we have compete for satisfaction. When a power dynamic is started with some other set of needs as the target, those new needs compete with those we are presently addressing. This exacerbates our feelings, frustrates our ability to satisfy them and enhances the actor’s ability to generate some power effect on the choices we are making at the time.
Two sets of power dynamics taking place from the efforts of two people can make our lives feel like hell. Imagine three or more…
When the boss wants you to work late and your spouse wants you at home and your child wants to play and you are hungry and need to eat and you are stressing over the unpaid bills, and you know that if you don’t get some exercise and stress relief you will have a heart attack, you are having some pretty complicated power dynamics.
Not only do they compete but they compound.
Sometimes a set of needs is augmented by other sets of needs that may or may not be related.
The effect of one need may be something you can over come.
You may be hungry and have a need for some nourishment.
But compound that with the need to feed your children and you have some pretty compelling power dynamics. So you can be understanding with someone who accepts a demotion and a cut in pay when you compound their need for food with the need to feed the children and the need to have shelter and the need to pay the bills and the need to have some self esteem and to have something like a career.
One set of needs adds to the next and soon the compounding effect makes it hard to distinguish one need from the other and impossible to isolate which need is the one that this power dynamic is playing on.
But there is more.
Needs can be complex.
Some needs are mental constructions that are built from a series of other needs that may need to be satisfied in some sequence or aggregate.
The need for a happy marriage is something that is built on a balance of satisfying other needs. This combines the need for self fulfillment and the fulfillment of others. You may start with your need for love and to be loved. There is the need to be appreciated for you as a person. You will have a little bit of companionship and common interests that need to be satisfied. You will have sex and affection. You will add a little bit of career with a little bit of child rearing. A dream or two for each of you. And maybe a little time for solitude and quiet.
All these needs must be satisfied. And each of them will have steps and increments for satisfaction.
All of them compounding and competing with each other – seeking satisfaction and thus compelling choices and behaviors. All being managed by you, day to day, moment to moment, to achieve the larger more complex goals…
Until some rotten SOB comes along and starts to use them as a source of power to control, influence or seduce your choices and get you to do, say or think what they want.
So when I say to you that the Dynamic of power is the simple application of a mechanism – an ability to help or hinder some operating need – to some active need that the actor has isolated and decided to use to create a feeling of control influence or seduction in you – you say it ain’t so simple…
Sometimes the mechanism will address more than the targeted need. Now here they are compounding with each other and those others we were busy trying to respond to. Sometimes the mechanism targets needs which we have sleeping happily waiting for later. Soon they compete for satisfaction. Sometimes the mechanism targets such a complicated complex set of needs that it is hard to see which part of that complex set is being activated. Sometimes that mechanism is so sweet that we cannot stop to think about anything.
The whole thing doesn’t feel simple. It feels so compelling and complicated. How can you simplify power this way?
No, the experience of Power is not simple.
It is not the dynamic that is complicated.
The needs are complicated. The dynamic is simple.
So when Power Dynamics compete, compound and are complex, it is because the needs one lives are competing, compounding and complex.
They are the source of that power.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Question Four
Coming to the realization that power is not what we have always imagined can have an immediate impact on your life.
Children see power as a characteristic of some other person. That person got their power either from someone else or as some great gift from heaven. The power is theirs. The power is in them. Or it is in the thing they wield.
Adults will strategize about getting power. They have no real plan because they do not really know where the power comes from. They continue into their adult lives seeing power as an attribute of someone's position or wealth.
They criticise those with power and say they would act differently if they had power. They dream of a day when they could have whatever they want. A day when they can get people to comply with their wishes.
Many simply give up and say I have no power. I will have no power. I am powerless and it is my life to avoid or submit to those who will rule my life.
But our insight changes that.
Knowing that the source of all power lies in the needs within the targeted subject of that power dynamic, opens doors to new methods. These are the Methods of having power.
It always tickles me to think that this little tiny fact can change one's life.
In this insight sleeps a thousand significant ideas that will dramatically impact our lives and the world around us.
Here is the first such idea.
If the source of power is need, then to stop the power against us, to overcome someones efforts to control , influence or seduce us, we simply need to understand which of our needs is operating and then do what we can to depower it.
Simple but not easy.
Understanding ones' own needs is not a common effort in our society. Our society teaches us to act on our needs. It encourages us to have what we want now. It facilitates us getting things. Our society says to have is to be happy. This, of course, is illusion.
But our society also teaches that those who can forbear such actions tend to have the upper hand. Those who can defer gratification of their needs find themselves in a position to satisfy greater more meaningful needs. Those in control of their needs have power.
Now we know why that is true.
But keeping to the Method of having power, we must follow a first step - know your operating needs.
What is the need, or set of needs, which are being accessed by the mechanism of power the Actor is utilizing now?
And that is our next question...
The Method
Q IV. WHAT IS MY NEED?
Identify your operating needs.
All of them.
Look to your feelings.
Control, Influence and Seduction
Fear, Anger and Excitement
Look to the Mechanisms they are using.
Is it directed at you or someone else?
Does it help or hinder?
Is it actual or potential?
Identify them as Requirements, Desires and Attachments.
Identify how they are Complex, Compounding and Competing.
Clearly articulate your Needs and state the Dynamic.
Children see power as a characteristic of some other person. That person got their power either from someone else or as some great gift from heaven. The power is theirs. The power is in them. Or it is in the thing they wield.
Adults will strategize about getting power. They have no real plan because they do not really know where the power comes from. They continue into their adult lives seeing power as an attribute of someone's position or wealth.
They criticise those with power and say they would act differently if they had power. They dream of a day when they could have whatever they want. A day when they can get people to comply with their wishes.
Many simply give up and say I have no power. I will have no power. I am powerless and it is my life to avoid or submit to those who will rule my life.
But our insight changes that.
Knowing that the source of all power lies in the needs within the targeted subject of that power dynamic, opens doors to new methods. These are the Methods of having power.
It always tickles me to think that this little tiny fact can change one's life.
In this insight sleeps a thousand significant ideas that will dramatically impact our lives and the world around us.
Here is the first such idea.
If the source of power is need, then to stop the power against us, to overcome someones efforts to control , influence or seduce us, we simply need to understand which of our needs is operating and then do what we can to depower it.
Simple but not easy.
Understanding ones' own needs is not a common effort in our society. Our society teaches us to act on our needs. It encourages us to have what we want now. It facilitates us getting things. Our society says to have is to be happy. This, of course, is illusion.
But our society also teaches that those who can forbear such actions tend to have the upper hand. Those who can defer gratification of their needs find themselves in a position to satisfy greater more meaningful needs. Those in control of their needs have power.
Now we know why that is true.
But keeping to the Method of having power, we must follow a first step - know your operating needs.
What is the need, or set of needs, which are being accessed by the mechanism of power the Actor is utilizing now?
And that is our next question...
The Method
Q IV. WHAT IS MY NEED?
Identify your operating needs.
All of them.
Look to your feelings.
Control, Influence and Seduction
Fear, Anger and Excitement
Look to the Mechanisms they are using.
Is it directed at you or someone else?
Does it help or hinder?
Is it actual or potential?
Identify them as Requirements, Desires and Attachments.
Identify how they are Complex, Compounding and Competing.
Clearly articulate your Needs and state the Dynamic.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Question Three
So...
...if the idea that power cannot exist without a need within the subject is making sense to you, then you are acknowledging that your previous mental programming about power is not accurate.
Now you want to understand how power really works.
So you ask the next question...
Q III. WHAT IS THE DYNAMIC OF POWER?
Power is about Choice.
Power is about the Control, Influence or Seduction of that Choice.
The Actor has a Need the Subject can impact.
The Actor sees the Subject as a part of the Circumstance they must respond to.
To create Power the Actor identifies the Needs of the Subject.
The Actor applies a Mechanism of Power to help or hinder the satisfaction of the Subject’s Need.
As a result the Subject experiences feelings of Power - Control, Influence or Seduction.
Also, the Subject experiences feelings of motivation – Fear, Anger or Excitement.
Just like the Needs that create it, Power Dynamics are Complex, Compounding and Competing.
The Subject responds with a Choice.
Power is an interpersonal thing. Although we want to see structures and organizations in our society as powerful, in truth they are just groups of people. Sometimes they act on the directions of an individual who is a leader or an authority. Sometimes they act in some group-think fashion with no real single mentality. But in truth they act and it is the people who act.
Power is a people thing.
Everyday we all walk around saturated in needs. Some are requirements - absolutes that must be fulfilled or our survival is at risk. Some are simple desires, wishes or wants. Things we do not require but we want in some meaningful way.
They may not be so simple. They may be complex. The strategies we use to obtain our wishes will need to be just as complex.
We feel attachments. In truth we probably experience more attachments than anything else. We can turn survival into an attachment to a way of life. We can turn our simplist desires into something that we must have or we are not who we want to be. Thus they become attachments.
We are attached to people or things or ideas and we believe that if we release them, if we allow them to be breached, we are somehow violating our deepest self. We have so many attachments - and we show them in our actions and words - that it is hard for them not to become the source of someone else's power.
Very little of what we do in a day is not about some kind of requirement, desire or attachment.
And we are surrounded by people living this out.
In the pursuit of our desires and attachments, we find ourselves with opportunities to assist or be assisted - inhibit or be inhibited - in the satisfying of our collective needs. We collide with others who could help us or hinder us in any number of our needs. And they collide with us.
If we could use some help, we look around to find someone who would be willing to help. Sometimes that is easy. It is easy because we have friends and family that care for us - that are attached to us.
Sometimes others are not freely willing to help us.
So to motivate them to chose to help, we use power. We may offer them some reward - seduce them - into helping us. But to do so requires an understanding of what they want - what they need.
We may not be able to recognize something about them we could use to seduce, so we may use something to control them. We may threaten their well being by imposing or withholding something they need or want. Again we must first spot the need.
We may have nothing that can help or hinder them. So we may turn to others to do so for us. Others that are attached to us or others we can influence in some way using their unique set of needs.
In the end, what impacts the choice of others is our ability to help or hinder them in some Requirement, Desire or Attachment that they have.
The ability we have is a mechanism. It is the thing that releases the power that lies dormant within the need. It is not itself a thing of power. For power exists within people not within things. It is a mechanism that can release power if there is a need it can speak to.
For example...
The ability to have spend or give money - in large amounts - is an incredibly effective mechanism of power in our world because there is not much you cannot buy. However if there is no need for money in the life of our target subject, it is no longer powerful. Money does not create a lot of power in rich people. They already have it.
The power is not in the money, it is in our ability to use it to help or hinder the other person. Thus it is motivating them to help us in our own quest. It motivates by creating feelings of control, influence or seduction, coupled with feelings of anger, fear or excitement. The whole of the power experience is going on inside the subject. The actor is simply trying to use the needs of their subject to motivate a choice to do, say or think something. The mechanism allows them the chance to use the need - to exploit the power within the need.
The dynamic of power is simple.
It is always an application of a mechanism against a need to create an experience of control, influence or seduction coupled with motivating feelings of anger, fear or excitement.
Person against person. Whether a group of people or not. It is a personal thing.
It happens within the subject. It is created within the subject. The source of the power is within the subject. And the dynamic of power plays itself out within the mind of the subject.
And - for better or worse - power is created.
...if the idea that power cannot exist without a need within the subject is making sense to you, then you are acknowledging that your previous mental programming about power is not accurate.
Now you want to understand how power really works.
So you ask the next question...
Q III. WHAT IS THE DYNAMIC OF POWER?
Power is about Choice.
Power is about the Control, Influence or Seduction of that Choice.
The Actor has a Need the Subject can impact.
The Actor sees the Subject as a part of the Circumstance they must respond to.
To create Power the Actor identifies the Needs of the Subject.
The Actor applies a Mechanism of Power to help or hinder the satisfaction of the Subject’s Need.
As a result the Subject experiences feelings of Power - Control, Influence or Seduction.
Also, the Subject experiences feelings of motivation – Fear, Anger or Excitement.
Just like the Needs that create it, Power Dynamics are Complex, Compounding and Competing.
The Subject responds with a Choice.
Power is an interpersonal thing. Although we want to see structures and organizations in our society as powerful, in truth they are just groups of people. Sometimes they act on the directions of an individual who is a leader or an authority. Sometimes they act in some group-think fashion with no real single mentality. But in truth they act and it is the people who act.
Power is a people thing.
Everyday we all walk around saturated in needs. Some are requirements - absolutes that must be fulfilled or our survival is at risk. Some are simple desires, wishes or wants. Things we do not require but we want in some meaningful way.
They may not be so simple. They may be complex. The strategies we use to obtain our wishes will need to be just as complex.
We feel attachments. In truth we probably experience more attachments than anything else. We can turn survival into an attachment to a way of life. We can turn our simplist desires into something that we must have or we are not who we want to be. Thus they become attachments.
We are attached to people or things or ideas and we believe that if we release them, if we allow them to be breached, we are somehow violating our deepest self. We have so many attachments - and we show them in our actions and words - that it is hard for them not to become the source of someone else's power.
Very little of what we do in a day is not about some kind of requirement, desire or attachment.
And we are surrounded by people living this out.
In the pursuit of our desires and attachments, we find ourselves with opportunities to assist or be assisted - inhibit or be inhibited - in the satisfying of our collective needs. We collide with others who could help us or hinder us in any number of our needs. And they collide with us.
If we could use some help, we look around to find someone who would be willing to help. Sometimes that is easy. It is easy because we have friends and family that care for us - that are attached to us.
Sometimes others are not freely willing to help us.
So to motivate them to chose to help, we use power. We may offer them some reward - seduce them - into helping us. But to do so requires an understanding of what they want - what they need.
We may not be able to recognize something about them we could use to seduce, so we may use something to control them. We may threaten their well being by imposing or withholding something they need or want. Again we must first spot the need.
We may have nothing that can help or hinder them. So we may turn to others to do so for us. Others that are attached to us or others we can influence in some way using their unique set of needs.
In the end, what impacts the choice of others is our ability to help or hinder them in some Requirement, Desire or Attachment that they have.
The ability we have is a mechanism. It is the thing that releases the power that lies dormant within the need. It is not itself a thing of power. For power exists within people not within things. It is a mechanism that can release power if there is a need it can speak to.
For example...
The ability to have spend or give money - in large amounts - is an incredibly effective mechanism of power in our world because there is not much you cannot buy. However if there is no need for money in the life of our target subject, it is no longer powerful. Money does not create a lot of power in rich people. They already have it.
The power is not in the money, it is in our ability to use it to help or hinder the other person. Thus it is motivating them to help us in our own quest. It motivates by creating feelings of control, influence or seduction, coupled with feelings of anger, fear or excitement. The whole of the power experience is going on inside the subject. The actor is simply trying to use the needs of their subject to motivate a choice to do, say or think something. The mechanism allows them the chance to use the need - to exploit the power within the need.
The dynamic of power is simple.
It is always an application of a mechanism against a need to create an experience of control, influence or seduction coupled with motivating feelings of anger, fear or excitement.
Person against person. Whether a group of people or not. It is a personal thing.
It happens within the subject. It is created within the subject. The source of the power is within the subject. And the dynamic of power plays itself out within the mind of the subject.
And - for better or worse - power is created.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
The Source of Power
Q II. WHAT IS THE SOURCE OF POWER?
The Source of Power is the Need within the Subject.
But for the Need, there is no Power.
Needs are experienced asRequirements, Desires, and Attachments.
Needs are Complex, Compounding and Competing.
Growing up in a world full of people using power over you can create myths about your reality.
From the instant you are born you are experiencing power. When your mother first decided to let you cry rather than pick you up, you experienced power. However long before this, you learned how to use power. It was why you cried. If you did, mom would pick you up. She would feed you or change you or just hold you.
At this point in your life you were not making conscious decisions to use power. You were simply acting in a way that worked. You were responding to your needs with an action that got you relief.
This kind of lesson about power is not cognitive. There is nothing rational about it. You have learned these lessons on the most animal of levels. These kind of lessons are hard to dispel when your rational, logical self comes into play.
To understand more about this aspect of the mind you may consider doing some reading in developmental psychology and neuro-lingusitic programming (NLP).
But to see where the myths come into play, we must understand that at some point, early in our lives, whether that was our mother or caregiver or someone else - someone chose not to respond to our cries for help. Someone chose not to give us what we wanted.
Our first power struggle...
No matter how many power struggles we may have won to that point, oblivious to their existence, when one of the persons ruling our lives decided that we were not going to have our way - we were going to have to learn to endulge our suffering - we lost our first power struggle. At that point, because we could not satisfy our need ourselves, we became aware of the power others had over us. Our need was unbearable and we submitted. In that first submission was born the practice of locating power outside ourselves. Power was something that someone else had.
And the lessons continued from there. As we grew and found ourselves trying to get what we wanted, using different strategies, with different people in our lives, we had that lesson reinforced. Power is out there. It is something parents, teachers, adults had. Our job was to learn how to get our own.
As we matured we began the bargaining and negotiation that became common in our everyday life.
Soon, as teenagers, we learned that many of the authorities of our lives could be overcome. Parents and Teachers could not use force. Rebellion and challenge were tools that worked. We learned instinctively what our parents and families wanted from us and we used it to create our own power. It countered the power we were subject to and we began to be powerful.
We learned about independence. We learned about manipulation. We learned about lying and information control. We were able to use power.
But we did not call it power. And we did not see how it was about the need of the subject that created the power we had rather than the skill or possession we used.
In fact, what we learned was that unless we had something they wanted we had no power. So we continued our lessons of thinking that power was something "out there" by gaining knowledge and money and learning to use our abilities to get results. Always thinking that it was what we had or could do that gave us power.
So as adults we have come to believe that the source of power is wealth, or public office, or authority, or strength, or knowledge, or beauty or any number of other things.
Our lessons have taught us that sometimes power works and sometimes it doesn't.
It is in that lesson that we can learn the most important lesson.
Why doesn't power work when we think it should? Why does beauty sometimes get us what we want and other times doesn't? Why is it that sometimes having money is all it takes to get your way but sometimes people seem to be able to over come it? Why is it that sometimes people are willing to suffer - even die - rather than submit to force? Why is it that sometimes even the president of a nation should be afraid?
Because the power does not reside in the thing. There is no power in money. There is no power in authority. There is no power in beauty or sex. There is no power in brute strength or the ability to implement an army.
The power is in our requirement for money - in our world you have money or you die. The power is in our need for order and predictability in our society - without social order shaos and destruction results. It is in our drive for sex and our desire of beauty. The power is in our attachment to survival.
The power is in the need.
The baby needed to have her diaper changed. The mother had the ability to do it. The baby wanted the mother to chose to change her diaper. So time and again, the mother responded and changed the diaper.
Because she needed to be a good mother.
The baby used her ability to cry to upset the mother into thinking she was not being a good mother. The mothers need was more pressing than the baby's. The baby won.
But soon the mother knew that if the baby had to wait for a diaper change, the baby would be fine. And she was still a good mother. So, the baby was forced to wait. The mother won the power struggle.
The feelings of power - control, influence or seduction - are stimulated by feelings of motivation - anger, fear or excitement - they are created by needs - requirements, desires and attachments - which are subject to abilities - mechanisms of power.
The source of power is need. Without the need there is no power.
It is not an external thing, or force, held or possessed by someone else. The power against us is created in the needs we have - the requirements, desires and attachments we feel.
Power is not real. Control is an illusion. Every feeling of power be it control, influence or seduction is not real. It is simply a feeling. A construct of the mind. That mental creation is having an impact on the choices we make. This is because at that primal mental level we are just babies trying to alleviate suffering. But when we try to rise to a level of cognitive life - deliberate living - we take back choice. There is always a choice to be made. The act of Choice is true power.
On the other hand, Needs are real. That is why there can be such a thing as power. It is the core of our nature. Our life is the journey from need to need. Meeting other persons making the same journey. Seeking to alleviate their suffering. Seeking to satisfy their needs.
It is that journey that creates the possibility for power.
The source of power is need.
Of course there is a hope...
When we accept our needs and the needs of others as the reality we are here to address - the purpose of this life - we will likely stop the utilization of power and begin the application of compassion.
The Source of Power is the Need within the Subject.
But for the Need, there is no Power.
Needs are experienced asRequirements, Desires, and Attachments.
Needs are Complex, Compounding and Competing.
Growing up in a world full of people using power over you can create myths about your reality.
From the instant you are born you are experiencing power. When your mother first decided to let you cry rather than pick you up, you experienced power. However long before this, you learned how to use power. It was why you cried. If you did, mom would pick you up. She would feed you or change you or just hold you.
At this point in your life you were not making conscious decisions to use power. You were simply acting in a way that worked. You were responding to your needs with an action that got you relief.
This kind of lesson about power is not cognitive. There is nothing rational about it. You have learned these lessons on the most animal of levels. These kind of lessons are hard to dispel when your rational, logical self comes into play.
To understand more about this aspect of the mind you may consider doing some reading in developmental psychology and neuro-lingusitic programming (NLP).
But to see where the myths come into play, we must understand that at some point, early in our lives, whether that was our mother or caregiver or someone else - someone chose not to respond to our cries for help. Someone chose not to give us what we wanted.
Our first power struggle...
No matter how many power struggles we may have won to that point, oblivious to their existence, when one of the persons ruling our lives decided that we were not going to have our way - we were going to have to learn to endulge our suffering - we lost our first power struggle. At that point, because we could not satisfy our need ourselves, we became aware of the power others had over us. Our need was unbearable and we submitted. In that first submission was born the practice of locating power outside ourselves. Power was something that someone else had.
And the lessons continued from there. As we grew and found ourselves trying to get what we wanted, using different strategies, with different people in our lives, we had that lesson reinforced. Power is out there. It is something parents, teachers, adults had. Our job was to learn how to get our own.
As we matured we began the bargaining and negotiation that became common in our everyday life.
Soon, as teenagers, we learned that many of the authorities of our lives could be overcome. Parents and Teachers could not use force. Rebellion and challenge were tools that worked. We learned instinctively what our parents and families wanted from us and we used it to create our own power. It countered the power we were subject to and we began to be powerful.
We learned about independence. We learned about manipulation. We learned about lying and information control. We were able to use power.
But we did not call it power. And we did not see how it was about the need of the subject that created the power we had rather than the skill or possession we used.
In fact, what we learned was that unless we had something they wanted we had no power. So we continued our lessons of thinking that power was something "out there" by gaining knowledge and money and learning to use our abilities to get results. Always thinking that it was what we had or could do that gave us power.
So as adults we have come to believe that the source of power is wealth, or public office, or authority, or strength, or knowledge, or beauty or any number of other things.
Our lessons have taught us that sometimes power works and sometimes it doesn't.
It is in that lesson that we can learn the most important lesson.
Why doesn't power work when we think it should? Why does beauty sometimes get us what we want and other times doesn't? Why is it that sometimes having money is all it takes to get your way but sometimes people seem to be able to over come it? Why is it that sometimes people are willing to suffer - even die - rather than submit to force? Why is it that sometimes even the president of a nation should be afraid?
Because the power does not reside in the thing. There is no power in money. There is no power in authority. There is no power in beauty or sex. There is no power in brute strength or the ability to implement an army.
The power is in our requirement for money - in our world you have money or you die. The power is in our need for order and predictability in our society - without social order shaos and destruction results. It is in our drive for sex and our desire of beauty. The power is in our attachment to survival.
The power is in the need.
The baby needed to have her diaper changed. The mother had the ability to do it. The baby wanted the mother to chose to change her diaper. So time and again, the mother responded and changed the diaper.
Because she needed to be a good mother.
The baby used her ability to cry to upset the mother into thinking she was not being a good mother. The mothers need was more pressing than the baby's. The baby won.
But soon the mother knew that if the baby had to wait for a diaper change, the baby would be fine. And she was still a good mother. So, the baby was forced to wait. The mother won the power struggle.
The feelings of power - control, influence or seduction - are stimulated by feelings of motivation - anger, fear or excitement - they are created by needs - requirements, desires and attachments - which are subject to abilities - mechanisms of power.
The source of power is need. Without the need there is no power.
It is not an external thing, or force, held or possessed by someone else. The power against us is created in the needs we have - the requirements, desires and attachments we feel.
Power is not real. Control is an illusion. Every feeling of power be it control, influence or seduction is not real. It is simply a feeling. A construct of the mind. That mental creation is having an impact on the choices we make. This is because at that primal mental level we are just babies trying to alleviate suffering. But when we try to rise to a level of cognitive life - deliberate living - we take back choice. There is always a choice to be made. The act of Choice is true power.
On the other hand, Needs are real. That is why there can be such a thing as power. It is the core of our nature. Our life is the journey from need to need. Meeting other persons making the same journey. Seeking to alleviate their suffering. Seeking to satisfy their needs.
It is that journey that creates the possibility for power.
The source of power is need.
Of course there is a hope...
When we accept our needs and the needs of others as the reality we are here to address - the purpose of this life - we will likely stop the utilization of power and begin the application of compassion.
Monday, September 12, 2005
Control is an Illusion
We approach power like it is a magical skill of another person. We meet someone who appears powerful and we think that they hold some secret that we can't find.
We locate power "out there."
It is something that soemone else has - that someone else deserves. It is something that someone else can acquire. They gain wealth or authority. They get power. We are unsure how they got it. It seems like a bit of a mystery. But they have "it." Power is all about them.
The power seems to be located in their "thing." Maybe they have beauty. Maybe they have money. Maybe they have enormous strength. Maybe they have weapons and armies. Maybe they have allies in the right places. Maybe they hold a significant office - like mayor or president or Senator or principal or sherriff or judge or teacher...
Whatever it is, they have it. It's theirs. It is all about them.
We treat it like it is some kind of absolute thing. When you get it, you have it and you will be powerful. Forever.
By putting the idea of power inside another person, or their position, or their holdings, we make it seem like it is so much more than it really is. If power works - if you can control others - we say you have it. If it doesn't work, and others are able to do what they want, we say you don't have it- or that you don't have enough.
But to understand it we have to look beyond this old way of measuring the existence of power.
It is not the effect that determines the existence of power. One can have power and have it not work. One can be powerful but not effect the consequence they are looking for. Ask any cop or parent. Ask any politician. Ask any king. Ask any CEO.
Power is not the effect. It is the process we use. Power is a method of effecting choice. Nothing more but nothing less.
The target of this process is choice. The choice one makes to say do or think something. In the end those who want to have power and want to use power, are trying to impact the behaviour of others in some way. That is, in some way useful to them.
But the truth is that this process of effecting choice is not perfect. It is not absolute. The ability to make a choice never goes away. The powerful person may be able to create in you feelings of fear or anger or excitement. You may feel Control, Influence or Seduction. But you still can make a choice and if you make that choice without succumbing to those feelings, then the power did not work.
But it is still power.
Power is not absolute. Control is an illusion.
If you seem to have control it is simply that the person you targeted - the Subject - was somehow willing to allow you to affect their choice because you successfully made it appear to be in their best interests.
That is what power is about. It is a mechanical process that works on the person level. It is not some omni-present force field that comes with one's position or possessions.
Power is never perfect. Power is never absolute.
That is because choice never goes away.
So it does not surprise us to see that any domination of others comes to an end.
All empires have fallen. From the Sumarians to the Greeks to the Romans to the British to the Soviets to the American Empire. It is inevitable. Power is not absolute. Control is an illusion. People are ruled because they find it in their best interests to be ruled. People never lose choice. And when it appears that choice needs to be exercised, then power fails.
Control is an illusion. Power is not absolute because the target of all power is choice. And though choice can be controlled, influenced or seduced from time to time, in the end choice remains. It never goes away. And history has proven, over and over again, that ultimately, control fails. Power fails.
It is no less power because it failed.
Power is simply a response to the circumstances.
Life brings us circumstances from time to time. Situations in which we can make choices and effect what comes next. When we want a particular outcome we look at those circumstances and do what we think will get us what we want. Sometimes those circumstances include people. And we may need those people to do what we wish to get what we want. So we have turned to power. We have turned to trying to get those people to make choices to do or say or think something that will help us get what we are seeking.
That is the use of power. To accomplish our goal we use power to make people respond the way we want.
That is the only thing we really control - how we respond to what life brings us. And most of us control it badly.
This is what really powerful people do. They examine the circumstance and act in a way that gets people to respond the way they want.
Powerful people know control is an illusion. The only thing you control is how you respond to the circumstance before you. In knowing this they create an opportunity to use power.
In their response to the circumstance - in their attempt to use power - they control and focus their response - they try to focus their response on the Source of Power.
So on to Question Two...
What is the Source of Power?
The Source of Power is the Need within the Subject.
But for the Need, there is no Power.
Needs are experienced as Requirements, Desires, and Attachments.
Needs are Complex, Compounding and Competing.
We locate power "out there."
It is something that soemone else has - that someone else deserves. It is something that someone else can acquire. They gain wealth or authority. They get power. We are unsure how they got it. It seems like a bit of a mystery. But they have "it." Power is all about them.
The power seems to be located in their "thing." Maybe they have beauty. Maybe they have money. Maybe they have enormous strength. Maybe they have weapons and armies. Maybe they have allies in the right places. Maybe they hold a significant office - like mayor or president or Senator or principal or sherriff or judge or teacher...
Whatever it is, they have it. It's theirs. It is all about them.
We treat it like it is some kind of absolute thing. When you get it, you have it and you will be powerful. Forever.
By putting the idea of power inside another person, or their position, or their holdings, we make it seem like it is so much more than it really is. If power works - if you can control others - we say you have it. If it doesn't work, and others are able to do what they want, we say you don't have it- or that you don't have enough.
But to understand it we have to look beyond this old way of measuring the existence of power.
It is not the effect that determines the existence of power. One can have power and have it not work. One can be powerful but not effect the consequence they are looking for. Ask any cop or parent. Ask any politician. Ask any king. Ask any CEO.
Power is not the effect. It is the process we use. Power is a method of effecting choice. Nothing more but nothing less.
The target of this process is choice. The choice one makes to say do or think something. In the end those who want to have power and want to use power, are trying to impact the behaviour of others in some way. That is, in some way useful to them.
But the truth is that this process of effecting choice is not perfect. It is not absolute. The ability to make a choice never goes away. The powerful person may be able to create in you feelings of fear or anger or excitement. You may feel Control, Influence or Seduction. But you still can make a choice and if you make that choice without succumbing to those feelings, then the power did not work.
But it is still power.
Power is not absolute. Control is an illusion.
If you seem to have control it is simply that the person you targeted - the Subject - was somehow willing to allow you to affect their choice because you successfully made it appear to be in their best interests.
That is what power is about. It is a mechanical process that works on the person level. It is not some omni-present force field that comes with one's position or possessions.
Power is never perfect. Power is never absolute.
That is because choice never goes away.
So it does not surprise us to see that any domination of others comes to an end.
All empires have fallen. From the Sumarians to the Greeks to the Romans to the British to the Soviets to the American Empire. It is inevitable. Power is not absolute. Control is an illusion. People are ruled because they find it in their best interests to be ruled. People never lose choice. And when it appears that choice needs to be exercised, then power fails.
Control is an illusion. Power is not absolute because the target of all power is choice. And though choice can be controlled, influenced or seduced from time to time, in the end choice remains. It never goes away. And history has proven, over and over again, that ultimately, control fails. Power fails.
It is no less power because it failed.
Power is simply a response to the circumstances.
Life brings us circumstances from time to time. Situations in which we can make choices and effect what comes next. When we want a particular outcome we look at those circumstances and do what we think will get us what we want. Sometimes those circumstances include people. And we may need those people to do what we wish to get what we want. So we have turned to power. We have turned to trying to get those people to make choices to do or say or think something that will help us get what we are seeking.
That is the use of power. To accomplish our goal we use power to make people respond the way we want.
That is the only thing we really control - how we respond to what life brings us. And most of us control it badly.
This is what really powerful people do. They examine the circumstance and act in a way that gets people to respond the way they want.
Powerful people know control is an illusion. The only thing you control is how you respond to the circumstance before you. In knowing this they create an opportunity to use power.
In their response to the circumstance - in their attempt to use power - they control and focus their response - they try to focus their response on the Source of Power.
So on to Question Two...
What is the Source of Power?
The Source of Power is the Need within the Subject.
But for the Need, there is no Power.
Needs are experienced as Requirements, Desires, and Attachments.
Needs are Complex, Compounding and Competing.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
The Seven Questions and Answers
When trying to learn about power it is hard to find a place to begin.
Our lives are hip-deep in power dynamics - there is no shortage of things we can talk about.
Events, news, relationships, work and play all seem to have power in them. Power dynamics spin around you like bees on clover. Round and round. Never ending. Always there. Not slow enough to get a real picture of what is happening. But never so fast that we lose sight of it. Control, Influence and Seduction - the dynamics of your relationships - Pushing, Pointing and Pulling you round and round. Frustrating and confusing. Never ending. No way to stop it long enough to get a good look...
Finding that first thing to get a handle on - to stop the spinning - now that's a tough one.
You can see the power. You can feel it even more. You see it in the way everyone treats you. And you see it in the way you treat others. You know it begins and ends somewhere but you can't find that break.
There must be a seam in this web of power you are caught it. But where is it?
I offer you the Seven Questions and Answers On Having Power.
Question One
Where do I start?
Start with Absolute Truth.
Control is an Illusion.
The only thing we control is how we respond to the circumstance before us.
If it is true for us, it is true for them.
What are they responding to?
They are responding to the Source of Power.
Our lives are hip-deep in power dynamics - there is no shortage of things we can talk about.
Events, news, relationships, work and play all seem to have power in them. Power dynamics spin around you like bees on clover. Round and round. Never ending. Always there. Not slow enough to get a real picture of what is happening. But never so fast that we lose sight of it. Control, Influence and Seduction - the dynamics of your relationships - Pushing, Pointing and Pulling you round and round. Frustrating and confusing. Never ending. No way to stop it long enough to get a good look...
Finding that first thing to get a handle on - to stop the spinning - now that's a tough one.
You can see the power. You can feel it even more. You see it in the way everyone treats you. And you see it in the way you treat others. You know it begins and ends somewhere but you can't find that break.
There must be a seam in this web of power you are caught it. But where is it?
I offer you the Seven Questions and Answers On Having Power.
Question One
Where do I start?
Start with Absolute Truth.
Control is an Illusion.
The only thing we control is how we respond to the circumstance before us.
If it is true for us, it is true for them.
What are they responding to?
They are responding to the Source of Power.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Let's start at the beginning...
Introduction to Power
It's everywhere. It's in every relationship you have. It's in every interaction with other people. When it isn't being used you still are aware of its potential. You can see it. You can feel it. You are surrounded by it. You want it. Yet you want to avoid it. You are disgusted by it. But you are also enticed and seduced. You see the genius in it. You see the hope and promise. You see the corruption - the horror. You have read about it. You have looked at artwork that embodies it. You sing songs and listen to music about it. Every movie ever made is about it. Every book ever written is about the quest for it. History is the story of it. Almost everything people do is in someway a small attempt to fight it, or attain it.
Power - strength, sway, clout, influence, control, chi, might, puissance, supremacy, dominance, seduction, persuasion, might, say, potency - power.
It is the drive to create the self.
It is the hope to be more than everyone else.
It is the quest for power.
It has many faces and forms: wealth, resource, strength, weaponry, knowledge, ability, skill, friends, allies, authority, love, beauty, charisma, salvation, hope.
Each with the ability to affect the Choice one might make.
Those who have it, the powerful, use it to control, influence or seduce anyone who might serve their purpose. And they are never satisfied with how much they have. They desire more.
Those subject to it, the rest of us, resist, revolt and reject it as corrupt and detestable. Yet still wrestle and toil in the faint hope that we may acquire our own.
Everyone uses it when they can. It is the tool of more than dictators, tyrants and generals. Mothers use it with their children. Priests use it with their parishioners. Lovers use it with their suitors. Teachers use it with their students. CEOs use it with their employees. Presidents use it with their people.
We spend our days using power. Or seeking power. Or resisting power. Or avoiding power. It is in the very nature of our beings. We are obsessed and saturated.
We can use it and abuse it. But do we understand it?
Where does it come from?
How does it work?
What is it really? What is this dynamic of power?
You are probably just like everyone else reading this.
Your career moves forward but you are unsure how. It certainly does not move fast enough or in the direction you want.
Your relationships bring as much pain as they do happiness. Friendships, family ties and loving partnerships all reduce into power struggles.
Romance is more of a game than a source of fulfillment.
You are tired of feeling pushed and pulled and pointed in a thousand directions. Your life is controlled and influenced and seduced by so many forces and so many people. You have lost count. You are powerless. You are afraid. You are exhausted. You feel helpless. You feel frustrated. You are angry.
These are the feelings of Power.
Power is about Choice.
Power is about Needs and Abilities.
Power is about control, influence and seduction.
Power destroys trust.
These ideas, insights and methods are for you.
This is your course on having power.
It's everywhere. It's in every relationship you have. It's in every interaction with other people. When it isn't being used you still are aware of its potential. You can see it. You can feel it. You are surrounded by it. You want it. Yet you want to avoid it. You are disgusted by it. But you are also enticed and seduced. You see the genius in it. You see the hope and promise. You see the corruption - the horror. You have read about it. You have looked at artwork that embodies it. You sing songs and listen to music about it. Every movie ever made is about it. Every book ever written is about the quest for it. History is the story of it. Almost everything people do is in someway a small attempt to fight it, or attain it.
Power - strength, sway, clout, influence, control, chi, might, puissance, supremacy, dominance, seduction, persuasion, might, say, potency - power.
It is the drive to create the self.
It is the hope to be more than everyone else.
It is the quest for power.
It has many faces and forms: wealth, resource, strength, weaponry, knowledge, ability, skill, friends, allies, authority, love, beauty, charisma, salvation, hope.
Each with the ability to affect the Choice one might make.
Those who have it, the powerful, use it to control, influence or seduce anyone who might serve their purpose. And they are never satisfied with how much they have. They desire more.
Those subject to it, the rest of us, resist, revolt and reject it as corrupt and detestable. Yet still wrestle and toil in the faint hope that we may acquire our own.
Everyone uses it when they can. It is the tool of more than dictators, tyrants and generals. Mothers use it with their children. Priests use it with their parishioners. Lovers use it with their suitors. Teachers use it with their students. CEOs use it with their employees. Presidents use it with their people.
We spend our days using power. Or seeking power. Or resisting power. Or avoiding power. It is in the very nature of our beings. We are obsessed and saturated.
We can use it and abuse it. But do we understand it?
Where does it come from?
How does it work?
What is it really? What is this dynamic of power?
You are probably just like everyone else reading this.
Your career moves forward but you are unsure how. It certainly does not move fast enough or in the direction you want.
Your relationships bring as much pain as they do happiness. Friendships, family ties and loving partnerships all reduce into power struggles.
Romance is more of a game than a source of fulfillment.
You are tired of feeling pushed and pulled and pointed in a thousand directions. Your life is controlled and influenced and seduced by so many forces and so many people. You have lost count. You are powerless. You are afraid. You are exhausted. You feel helpless. You feel frustrated. You are angry.
These are the feelings of Power.
Power is about Choice.
Power is about Needs and Abilities.
Power is about control, influence and seduction.
Power destroys trust.
These ideas, insights and methods are for you.
This is your course on having power.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Now
Choice is something that happens in the now. So power exists only in the now.
In the instant the choice is made, you will know whether or not power has succeeded. You will know which power forces have been dominant. It is in the choice itself, that power comes to life.
It is in the now that power succeeds of fails.
The causes and conditions that lead to the now are limitless. You can not fathom the chain of events and all the subtlies that have created the moment you are in. There is no need to try.
The future and the past just illusions.
Control is an illusion. The only thing you control is what you do right now
And it is in this moment, this now, that you make a choice. Within the process of power, the now is the only thing that is real.
Somewhere in that process, some actor has decided to try to influence your choice in some way. And in doing so they have created a situation in which their ability gets applied to your need to try to stimulate in you feelings of control, influence or seduction.
These feelings motivate you to make a choice that will somehow assist the actor. Although those feelings can motivate by tapping into fear and excitement, and although you may feel pushed, pulled and pointed, the choice remains yours.
The moment of choice does not disappear. The choice itself does not disappear. And that choice is yours.
Power is planned for the future. It builds and rises and accelerates. It requires the future. The promise or threat of the future is what makes us willing to comply. But none of that is real yet. All that is real is the now. The moment of choice arrives. And in that moment power is felt. But it is not real. It is an illusion.
It is it's confinement to the now that makes power vulnerable.
If you can see the illusion of the promise or threat, if you can see the only truth in the present moment, if you can see the true power in the moment of choice, then power remains yours.
To control others is strength,
But to control yourself is true power.
LaoTzu
Tao Te Ching
In the instant the choice is made, you will know whether or not power has succeeded. You will know which power forces have been dominant. It is in the choice itself, that power comes to life.
It is in the now that power succeeds of fails.
The causes and conditions that lead to the now are limitless. You can not fathom the chain of events and all the subtlies that have created the moment you are in. There is no need to try.
The future and the past just illusions.
Control is an illusion. The only thing you control is what you do right now
And it is in this moment, this now, that you make a choice. Within the process of power, the now is the only thing that is real.
Somewhere in that process, some actor has decided to try to influence your choice in some way. And in doing so they have created a situation in which their ability gets applied to your need to try to stimulate in you feelings of control, influence or seduction.
These feelings motivate you to make a choice that will somehow assist the actor. Although those feelings can motivate by tapping into fear and excitement, and although you may feel pushed, pulled and pointed, the choice remains yours.
The moment of choice does not disappear. The choice itself does not disappear. And that choice is yours.
Power is planned for the future. It builds and rises and accelerates. It requires the future. The promise or threat of the future is what makes us willing to comply. But none of that is real yet. All that is real is the now. The moment of choice arrives. And in that moment power is felt. But it is not real. It is an illusion.
It is it's confinement to the now that makes power vulnerable.
If you can see the illusion of the promise or threat, if you can see the only truth in the present moment, if you can see the true power in the moment of choice, then power remains yours.
To control others is strength,
But to control yourself is true power.
LaoTzu
Tao Te Ching
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Gen "Y" Not?
Why not?
Really, why not?
The sense of powerlessness comes from being controlled and dismissed for too long.
It is true that many of our western institutions and structures are so well established that to even question them gets a reaction of harsh criticism. But that does not mean that we shouldn't question them.
You have been raised in a rich protected time. You have been given so much that you feel satiated. But in this process you have been controlled and you feel like there is no point in trying anything new. There is no value in stepping out of the box.
Everything I could want is in the box - why would I leave?
Because there is one thing that is missing - happiness.
You are not happy or you would not be running to IM's, PS2's, movies, music, sex, porn, drugs and drinks.
You think you are controlled and that any claim to change is pointless.
That is power. And the absolute truth of power is simple;
Control is an Illusion. The only thing you control is how you respond to the circumstance which is before you.
So respond.
You think that you can't make a difference so you walk away and get drunk. You go play a game. You go find someone you love and hide away having sex.
That is not responding. That is hiding. That is not living. You were born to live. Just like everyone before you. And everyone that will follow you.
Wake up! Control is an illusion.
So is your fear.
A smart man once encouraged the questioning of all things.
Not a politician. Not a rebel. Not a trouble maker. A spiritual teacher.
"Believe nothing merely because you have been told it...Or because it is traditional, or because you yourselves have imagined it. Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. But whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings--that's good doctrine. Believe it and cling to it, and take it as your guide." Siddhartha Gotama Buddha
The control you feel is an illusion.
There is more to be had.
You have power.
Accept it.
Deal with it.
Really, why not?
The sense of powerlessness comes from being controlled and dismissed for too long.
It is true that many of our western institutions and structures are so well established that to even question them gets a reaction of harsh criticism. But that does not mean that we shouldn't question them.
You have been raised in a rich protected time. You have been given so much that you feel satiated. But in this process you have been controlled and you feel like there is no point in trying anything new. There is no value in stepping out of the box.
Everything I could want is in the box - why would I leave?
Because there is one thing that is missing - happiness.
You are not happy or you would not be running to IM's, PS2's, movies, music, sex, porn, drugs and drinks.
You think you are controlled and that any claim to change is pointless.
That is power. And the absolute truth of power is simple;
Control is an Illusion. The only thing you control is how you respond to the circumstance which is before you.
So respond.
You think that you can't make a difference so you walk away and get drunk. You go play a game. You go find someone you love and hide away having sex.
That is not responding. That is hiding. That is not living. You were born to live. Just like everyone before you. And everyone that will follow you.
Wake up! Control is an illusion.
So is your fear.
A smart man once encouraged the questioning of all things.
Not a politician. Not a rebel. Not a trouble maker. A spiritual teacher.
"Believe nothing merely because you have been told it...Or because it is traditional, or because you yourselves have imagined it. Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. But whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings--that's good doctrine. Believe it and cling to it, and take it as your guide." Siddhartha Gotama Buddha
The control you feel is an illusion.
There is more to be had.
You have power.
Accept it.
Deal with it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)