When is love real Love, and when is love all about power?

We had a quite a class tonight. Most of the students think I am nuts. Maybe I am. I just wanted to talk – real talk - about Love. Love as a mechanism of power and Love as Source of Being.


I feel like we didn’t finish the conversation so I am going to rant. Forgive me.

When is love just Love, and when is love all about power?

It is hard to find a time when we do not use love to get something else that we want. And that is using love for power.

Love Because. That’s what I call it. I love you because you are sexy. I love you because you make me laugh. I love you because I can trust you. I love you because you make me feel secure. I love you because you make me happy.

I love you because.

That is Love Because. And although many of us are content with Love Because, you can’t deny that is love being given to control, influence or seduce the choices being made by the other.

That is power. Textbook.

You get my love till you no longer think I’m sexy, make me laugh, are trustworthy, make me feel secure or are fun. When the “because” is no longer present, well then, the love will no longer be present.

That ain’t love. It’s power.

That’s when love is not about an ineffable feeling of complete connection and deep appreciation. That’s when Love is about getting what I want - Gifts. Sex. Security. Praise. – that’s power.

That means – you have to admit it now - Love Because is what we do most of the time.

Now you may want to start calling me all kinds of names like negative minded, cold hearted, pessimistic, cup-half-empty kind of guy. But the truth is, you couldn’t be more wrong.

I cannot claim to be the world’s great love giver. I know I am not the world’s great love receiver. I have spent a great deal of my life – wasted a great deal of my life – on Love Because. I have given Love Because. I have accepted Love Because.

And I apologize to all those to whom I have said “I love you” but really meant – I love you because you give me what I want right now.

I know I have missed out on love because I was fixated on getting some Love Because.

Love Because is good because it satisfies Needs. (Requirements – Desires - and Attachments) Love Because is accepted because we are short sighted, filled with fear and trapped in the illusion part of our lives.

No, please do not call me Negative Nelly. The truth is you will never meet a bigger romantic. I want real love more than anything. Anything. More than money. More than security. More than fame, fortune and baseball.

And I know it is possible.

But first I have to shed my power based view of the world. I have to see through my needs. I have to forgive my self.

I have to…

Stop asking for this in exchange for that.

Stop trying to make someone love me.

Stop thinking that I am only loveable because…

I have to put real love in my life and draw more of it to me.

I have to Love.

Oh yes my friends, love is real. More real than anything else. In fact nothing else would exist but for the truest form of love - the real-thing kind of love.

But I am also a guy who has been cursed with a clear view of power. It’s how we live. Churning power in everything all the time. Constantly trying to get others to fulfill our needs.

To be nice I would say I am a realist. To others I am just a pain in the ass.
I know that I am as much to blame – if we have to talk about blame – as anyone else for my lack of love. I blame no one but myself. That is where the blame belongs - on ourselves. You can’t blame someone else for that one.

Sorry.

I want real deep connected love. Nothing short of that will satisfy me. I have had tastes. Little samples of what is possible. I cannot give up that hope. That kind of love is our birthright.

I see life not for what I want it to be. Nor do I try to see the bright side. Shit is shit. Some people have grown to like shit. In fact some of the great positive minds have convinced themselves that shit is good. So be it. I understand. Love Because is safer. It's easier. It's simpler.

But they can have it.

I, on the other hand, am seeking the deepest of connections. The Oneness that is possible and will be my experience someday.

Care to join me?