A moderately recent example of a power play from another person happened about 5 years ago when I first started graduate school and was a TA. I was 35 years old, and a fellow TA who was good friends with the professor was in her early 20s. She seemed overtly overconfident and gave the rest of us on the team orders which the other two TAs accepted meekly. (both were close to her age--one was a friend her age, one was an international student in her mid 20s.) I answered her back and got a dirty look, and ignored her command from then on. I was never told she was in charge, the prof was overtly hands off because he didn't want to be bothered, and I had no support from the other two TAs who were meekly willing to take orders from this girl. So I pretty much acted alone most of that semester, and the professor told us at the end of the semester how disappointed he was with us as a team. (no thanks to him.) I was flatly puzzled by the assumption this young lady made about the power she just assumed she had over her coworkers.
I would like to know any thoughts you have about the power scenario I described above. My question: Where does that kind of presumption come from? Was there anything in my personal demeanor or conduct which might have encouraged someone else to act "bossy" towards me?
In the first post we recognized that most people begin their education in power from a position of powerlessness. We discussed the terminology and tried to create a semantic common ground. Let’s move on from there…
Power is an experience that takes place during a process between people or groups of people. This process has a very specific target - Choice.
We use power to impact what the other person is about to say, think or do. This process is targeted at Choice. We use power to get another to choose to say, think or do something that helps us accomplish our goal.
Life is not lived in increments of time. It is not measured moment by moment. Time is something we experience. Time is an illusion. Real life is measured not minute by minute but choice by choice. We live our lives in increments of choice. Even when we live by habit and ignore the opportunity to make choices, they are (whether we make them or not) choices. Hence, when we are busy making many choices and are engaged in life, time seems to go by quickly. When we are otherwise ignoring our potential choices and living by habit, we are painfully aware of time and it travels slowly.
The purpose of power is to affect the choices that others make. Actors use the experience of power to control, influence or seduce a choice the Subject is about to make.
Power is an experience. Like a dream is an experience. Like a movie is an experience. Like reading this blog is an experience. And it is an experience that is no more real than a dream or a movie or a blog.
But again I am getting ahead of myself.
Now that we are clear about our semantics and we are aware of the purpose of power, we need to examine how power works.
This is where abilities come into the picture. It is why we confuse power with ability.
The experience of control, influence or seduction is created when the Actor applies an ability to help or hinder a need of the Subject to create in them an emotional response of fear, anger or excitement. The emotion stimulates a response. If the power is played well the response serves the purpose of the Actor. The Subject makes the desired choice and the use of power has succeeded. If, however, power is played badly so that the emotional response does not generate the desired choice, then it has failed.
Power is a mechanical process. It is as simple as a “click – whirr” as Robert Cialdini points out in his book Influence. But it is played as a dynamic game between people and often it is played badly and fails. We can see many power “failures” in history – from the fall of the Roman Empire to the seduction of Monica Lewinsky. But even when it fails to inspire the desired choice, it is still power.
Wendy, I think you would agree, that in all aspects of your situation with your colleague, power was played badly and nobody got what they wanted. Though I am of the opinion, as the power dynamic played out, the only thing any of you wanted was to make sure that the other person didn’t get what they wanted.
This is very common. Don’t feel badly. Don’t see yourself as incompetent with power. In fact, your story suggests otherwise. The failure in your power is not simply with the way you played it. Even knowing power, as well as I do, I often fail in my attempt to play it. That is because there is a fundamental flaw in the process itself.
Power is an experience. And like most experiences, it is an illusion.
Choice never goes away. Even when we feel like we are being controlled, in truth, the choice never goes away. We can still choose to ignore the feeling of power. We can choose to go against the direction of the power. It takes strength - sometimes courage - but we often see through the illusion.
Because power is such a common experience in our lives we have become somewhat desensitized to it. We have learned how to unconsciously defuse it - just as you saw through your colleague’s lack of real authority. You knew that in the end she had no more sway with your boss than you did. You knew she was not really in charge. You knew that you could still make a choice. So you simply chose to ignore her. And as such, her power disappeared like an illusion.
When power works it is because we have been overwhelmed by an emotion of fear, anger or excitement. We have been lead to a particular choice because we feel our need so intensely that we cannot overcome the experience of power. That is when the choice being pursued is achieved.
But your colleague did not have the ability to get the boss to support her. In fact he made it clear that he would not support her authority. She did not have the ability she needed to influence your choices. Power failed.
So where am I leading you? - to an understanding of the process of power.
Final explanations tomorrow…
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