Persuasion...

I read a pretty good article today.

I think it has merit. The author makes meaningful accurate points. And, of course, I love it when someone tries to explain power dynamics. :)

However, I like to encourage you to use your power analysis - the fundamentals we have talked about. You need to know more than what works - you need to know why it works.

I think that if you did your power analysis you could figure most of these points yourself.

1.They are purposeful.

Yes persuasive people use power sparingly because they know - it destroys trust. Power is using people's needs against them. When a Subject of power benefits from what the Actor is providing then they can live with that violation of trust. But when we see someone benefit from exploiting our needs we will forever be cautious with them. That's why persuasive people use compassion or collaboration rather than influence.

2. They Listen and listen

Yes. If you do not know what the other person needs and how that need fits into their life you will have no hope of addressing that need appropriately with your mechanism.

3. They Create a Connection

This is true but it is also why I hate power. How effective is it that someone pretends to be a caring friend when they are simply a calculating predator? It is easy for us to persuade a friend for they believe that we are acting selflessly and in their best interests. It is also why friendships end the instant it is obvious that the interaction was simply a self-interested power play.

That's why I encourage compassion and collaboration. If the connection you create is perceived as artificial the power will be transparent.

4. They Acknowledge Credibility

Sounds like a manipulation to me. But he is right - it works.

Why?

Because everyone needs self esteem and when someone offers a little puffery to improve your self-view, you like them better and are more likely to listen. After all, if she said I was good looking, she must be trustworthy. If he said I was smart he must truly like me and won't hurt me.

It is a power play within a power play using levels of needs that co-exist and can be used in compound to get you to the point where you want to trust.

5. The Offer Satisfaction

I think he means - they give a little to get a little. That's power - a quid pro quo - this for that - great powerful people were masters of giving a little until it is time for the big ask. That's how politics and organised crime survive - they keep giving until it is time for the big ask. Needs and abilities.

This is the art of playing power. And it certainly works.

Regardless of the art - in the end when the big ask comes - you know you have been played and the trust is gone forever.

6. They know when to shut up

The art of using power has many secrets. Not the least of which is to keep it secret.

Remember power works usually because people are not thinking it is power. It is because they have been fooled into thinking it is helpfulness.

All power destroys trust. Don't ever forget it.

Once it starts to smell like power - because people press too hard or talk too much - people become cautious and start to re-evaluate the process.

Shutting up is knowing when you have crossed from looking helpful to exposing your use of power.

7. They know when to back away

Again this is about the playing of a power dynamic.

If it is to work, it can't feel like power. When you push, you create those feelings of fear, anger or excitement. If you are using power and you create those feelings in a way that they are dominant, you risk exposing your power play.

Playing power has art to it. Mostly it is about keeping suspicions down and being focused on the needs.

Again, why not just put all the mutual benefits on the table and then agree to collaborate. If you both agree that it is in your mutual best interests to work together and give each other what each needs, then you don't ever need to persuade.

Trying to help is a great way to make real friends.


Yup. It's a very accurate article. I like it.
And the power analysis will tell you why.