Question Five

Q V. WHY ARE THEY USING POWER?

Because they have a Need.
All Power Dynamics are Bipolar.
They are driven by two sets of Needs.

So, what is their Need?
Examine their feelings.

Understand your Mechanism.

Categorize their Needs as Requirements, Desires or Attachments.

Examine the Complexities, how they Compound and how
they Compete.

State their Need.
State the whole Dynamic.

State it out loud.


Knowing that the source of power is Need changes everything. No matter what happens or how you feel, that ultimate truth offers the potential to break out of the cycle of conflict and power and see how all power is balanced.

When people use power it is because they are seeking to satisfy a need. It is the purpose of power.

Power is about choice. When you think power ask yourself what is the choice they are targeting?

Power comes from needs and abilities. So ask your self what are my needs and what are the abilities they have to affect those needs?

And then ask it again.

All power is BiPolar in nature. No power dynamic is created unless there is a need to be filled.

So ask the question – What is their need that drives this power dynamic and what is my ability that they are wanting me to use in their favor?

Some of the needs of the Actors are obvious and simple. You can name them without effort. They are predictable because people are predictable. And often the dynamic is about an outcome that you know. You may not have to look very hard to recognize why they want to use power.

Sometimes it’s not so simple. People can be sick and twisted. There are those who use power simply to prove they can. They do it for the rush or the thrill of it. Because they find having power over others to be pleasurable. But it is still a need. That need to use it or prove it, is the source of your potential power back on them.

The trick is to use their need just enough to put a halt to the dynamic.

Halting the dynamic and seeing it for all it is defeats power. It gives back the opportunity for choice. That is all we really wanted in the first place – was to have choice.

But there could be more…

If you can pause the dynamic long enough to state it out loud – to describe it to the other person in terms of needs and abilities – you may create more than just your own power. You may introduce a chance to do more than just take back choice. You may create the chance to openly discuss power and how in plays in that relationship.

Many people don’t like to think that they may be a power user.

We all are. It can’t be denied. We all use power from time to time to get our way. It is so natural to us because it has been practiced for most of our lives. We can do it without intention or thought. It just comes out sometimes.

But that doesn’t mean we really want to do that. It may mean we just don’t see it. It may mean we just haven’t tried anything else yet. – Yet…

The Bipolar Nature of the Power dynamic does more than balance the power and give back choice. It creates the chance for human evolution…

Now that would be some choice…