Overcoming Powerless

When I feel low in positive energy it is usually because of some power dynamic in which I am feeling powerless.

Powerless sucks.

Powerless is like not being fully equipped to live life. It is like feeling not strong enough. It is like feeling not smart enough.

It feels like I am not loved.

I think that’s what we all want. We just want to feel loved.

Everything else adds up to that.
We all have needs. In this physical world we are all just walking pools of need. When the needs aren’t being met and we are not able to have others fill those needs, we get that powerless trip.

At those times I try to remember that it is all an illusion – an experience – an illusory reality manifested by the creative ability of our minds.
There is no such thing as powerless.

In those moments I take a trip.

I put on the head phones. I find some old music. I mean old. I mean from when I was twelve and I used to put vinyl on my dad’s stereo.

And then I go to our old home. Lying on the cool hardwood floor of the living room. It is mid July and the sun has just set. It is the evening. The air is warm but the shift to the cool soothing night breeze has begun. My parents are just outside the front door, sitting in the lawn chairs. I can hear them talking over the music on the stereo. I can’t hear what they are saying but they are happy to be talking. I hear dad laugh. It is always calming to hear dad laugh.

The occasional car hums by.

I can see through the sheer curtains the lights on in the ballpark across the street. If I listen close I can hear the occasional ting of an aluminum bat and roar of the men playing ball.

The humid smell of summer flowers and grass in the air comforts me.

My eyes close. My body rocks with the music.

I am safe and loved and truly content.

Then God gives me the gift of a train whistle off in the distance.

And I dream of what might be.

I dream of far off places where I am a baseball player. Or a rock star.
Or a dad.

I in that moment of rich possibilities I feel powerful.

We all have needs.
But we all have abilities.

Today has been good. And tomorrow will come…soon.